A
male
age
51-59,
*arns
writes:Hi I'm seeing a girl and have been for over 6 months but she's still living with her partner of 6 years ... I did know her before and was common knoledge they were not close ... she promised me she would leave once she got the finance to move out but there always seem to be delays .... we meet up covertly once a week or so and have amazing closeness and she seems so into me I wouldn't think otherwise . But after this it returns to a couple of brief conversations on line a day and doesn't like talking about close stuff much . I love her to bits but its ripping my heart out every time I try to leave she's so nice and appologetic and all her work freinds know about me and are cool even get emidiate family but I'm going mad as they share the same bed what to do Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 What should you do? Stay away from women who are in relationships. She is a cheat and she is having her cake and eating it. Why would she end things when she has the best off both worlds?
A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (26 February 2017):
Love is one thing, but you are being taken for a ride!
She is a piss-taker and you behaving like a fool!
Get a grip!
Imagine you had just read what you have posted!
I can't believe I even replied!
SERIOUSLY!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 February 2017):
 I think you have to ask yourself IF you want to be a piece of ass on the side or not. Because right now, YOU ARE.
She might stay with her partner out of financial reason, which I think is rather callous and calculating. She might stay because they have been together for 6 years.
And really, it is the TYPICAL cheater excuse to say that "they aren't close" or "he/she doesn't understand me" or "I'll leave as soon as XYZ"... The thing is they RARELY leave. Even if she did do you really think you could trust her to not cheat on you? Or do you really think it's a good idea for HER to jump from ONE guy to the next without sorting herself out?
If I were in your shoes I'd tell her you can't be a "mistress". That she needs to sort herself and her life out and IF YOU are still available when she has DONE this maybe you two can give it a go. But playing second fiddle won't make EITHER of you happy.
And then you CUT the contact 100%.
If she IS serious about you, she will sort out her life and not just jump from one messy relationship into another.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (24 February 2017):
Hang in there she'll eventually come around or she'll tire of you. Or he'll find out that she is betraying him and he'll kick her out. Then she won't have any choice but to come running to her side piece.
And you are the side piece whether you realize it or not.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 February 2017):
 You need to decide how long you are prepared to give her to move out - and stick to it. She may have good intentions and just be weak, or she may be worried about upsetting her partner. Whatever the reason, she needs to make a choice: him or you. She can't have both.
In your shoes I would sit her down, tell her that you care for her very much, but you are not prepared to be the "other man". Give her a time limit of a month or two, and then stick to it. If she wants to be with you, she has to separate from her partner. If she doesn't, then you have to accept you two never had any real future.
Good luck. I hope you get the outcome you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2017): She is having an affair with you. You are the MISTER-ESS.
You have EVERY reason to go mad knowing they are sleeping in the same bed!
They still live together!
Ask yourself WHY she would be doing this if she is seeing you?
I can answer that. Because she still cares about her partner of 6 years. And she is still emotionally connected to him. And has no plans to leave him.
You, are a fling on the side. She is stringing you along.
If you want to pull the ultimatum, go ahead. Either she moves out or you end it. See what she does. But don't let her buy time or fill your head with lousy excuses meant to keep you in your place.
It is your choice whether you put up with it. Or not.
I doubt the situation will change anytime soon.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 Walk, don't run, don't look back, just walk quickly and with confidence towards a better outlook for yourself.
Surely being single would be better than this heart wrenching treatment you are receiving?
She has friends and family, you are already acquainted with most of them, so why cant she move out of where she is and in with one of them for a month or so while she gets her business in order.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 February 2017):
 I can understand not necessarily being able to move out yet, but sharing a bed is a no-no. You *must* leave her.
How long have they been broken up?
Definitely dial down your feelings; love isn't a good idea with her.
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