A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke it off with a guy I was dating because he wasn't ready for commitment. It hurt a lot but I'm mostly over it now. There was a deep connection and we could potentially be really good friends if the bad feelings can be resolved. The evening I broke things off, we exchanged messages in which I explained my reasons, said he was sorry for hurting me by not making up his mind and making it seem like he was interested in more when he wasn't. He said he is also sorry to himself for destroying our friendship and the potential for connection with others by allowing his previous heartbreaks to control him. I want to believe and to forgive him but I keep getting this feeling that he isn't sincere. He sent me a message 3 days later, just saying "knock knock". I was still in a lot of pain, so I ignored it, because honestly it made me angry. I found out the he texted the exact same thing to my close female friend and it gave both of us the heebie jeebies. I have seen a lot of good in him, and I really want for him to heal from his past hurts so that he won't continue to hurt others. We have mutual friends and plans to hang out as a large group this weekend. I want to calmly speak to him and tell him that I don't feel that his apology is sincere and if he really wants us to remain friends that I will need a sincere apology.How can I tell him this? And is there anyway to help him heal, or nudge him in the right direction? I know that ultimately the decision lies with him and I can't make him do anything but I don't want to see him, and especially not another woman, suffer because of his poor decisions...
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 March 2017):
 honestly you and him are not going to work out as friends. You cannot simply be his friend, you still care about him to much. You need to admit that to yourself. You need to stay away from him until you are completely over him, and in all honesty people don't go from being romantically involved to being friends if their was feelings involved the world just doesn't work like that. I mean can you honestly be happy sitting watching him with another girl?
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 February 2017):
He is a big boy, I'm sure he wont explode into pieces if he can't have his way for once. You can't heal him because he's just a young guy, mostly likely not thinking straight. Just move on and let it be. Odds are, he is just using you and your friend.
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A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (26 February 2017):
'He is allowing his past heartbreaks to control him'!!!!!!!!!
I have never heard such a pile of s**t in all my life. You want to help him heal?
He tried to have you and your mate, just seeing who would reply. That's called hedging your bets!
You can all hang out as friends. Don't say anything. If he tries it on, give him an earful and tell him to stop being a complete d**k!
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A
male
reader, rasblak  +, writes (24 February 2017):
"because of his poor decisions..."Which poor decisions are you referring to? dating, but not being ready for commitment? making it seem like he was interested in more when he wasn't?I'm sure this happens millions of times a day throughout the world.Do you really think that you, or I, or any one person can in a single move save every woman that some guy could potentially 'hurt' ?What do you think this sudden urge you're having to 'save the world' is about?@Youcannotbeserious is hits the nail right on the head; with the words that I was looking for:"you need to lick your wounds and come out of this a stronger woman, ready to go back out and find the man you need."If you are keen on finding the true _origin_ of 'your wounds', my advice, be mindful of the tricks one's own human ego can play on [you].
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (24 February 2017):
 I really don't think you are ready to be close friends with this man. Definitely not yet, maybe never. The apology - sincere or otherwise - is irrelevant.
YOU cannot heal him. HE needs to do that himself.
I think you are still hoping he will become the man you thought he was. Only time will tell whether that will happen, but HE needs to do some work on himself. YOU cannot force him to become that person.
His "poor decisions" are not your responsibility. He needs to figure out his life for himself, while you need to lick your wounds and come out of this a stronger woman, ready to go back out and find the man you need.
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