A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: OK my relationship with Jill started on the wrong footing - she still loved the man she was with but they drifted apart and we were all vulnerable (i was ill) when our relationship began, it was not a clean break from her ex but as it happened he moved on to another woman and we got closer. It was four months since we decided to see each other officially and we had just come back from a wonderful holiday in Ireland, she goes back home for three days and finds out her ex. has finished his relationship with the other woman. She still loves the guy but more as a friend than lover (she says) and wonders if splitting with him was a mistake. She insists that I am her lover and not at all a mistake, which is what i felt for a moment, though admits to being confused. The biggest thing she has dufficulty with, is an intense feeling of guilt towards her ex. For that reason she says she needs a couple of months time out, (which she felt she should have had earlier but things were too intense) I cannot see how this will lessen the guilt feeling but I have agreed. At the end of a wonderful evening we both agreed to one or two months separation and it is already driving me NUTS and now fear the worst.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Your fearing the worst is more than justified: she broke up with you the moment she knew her ex was available again, and then she wonders whether splitting with him was a mistake. That's all you need to know: she does not love you, and your best bet is to move on.
I wouldn't believe her story. She says she loves him "more as a friend than as a lover". And, I assume she loves you "as a lover". Since when do you leave a boyfriend for a friend who dumped you, in the first place? And then, apparently the fact that the ex was involved with another woman has no importance whatsoever in her "mistake" of splitting with him. If you read this sign, he dumped her, and she went with you because she thought she'd never be with him again.
One more thing. If someone asks you for space, man or woman, you never really "agree" to it. You just have to do what the other person wants. It is so because there's no way you can "disagree" with the fact that the other person is dumping you.
I know this is very painful, but, I would advise you not to push it. Move on.
If I were you, I wouldn't take her back if she came to me. How do you know that, in the future, she won't be feeling she made a mistake in splitting with the other guy?
I'm sure she's confused, too, and she's obviously not a monster, but, there's no love here.
A
female
reader, Unique1  +, writes (8 August 2007):
Personally, i have never beleived in getting back after month or two.... By than, i'd probably go nuts myself thinking whether we will or not. I think i would be better off thinking we wont get back and move on. Two months is a long time and you might even change your feelings towars her. A lot can happen.
Unless there is a lot of love and care and your relationship with was at least of some reasonable lenght: 6 month to a year(i'd say), chances are not so good.
Think about what you want to do and what would be easier for you; to move on thinking its over or to torture yourself for two months thinking what she thinks,feels, will you or will you not get back together.
Best wishes, hope it helps.
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