A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneI lived with my girlfriend for 2 years and everything was great, then she had to leave the country and we've been long distance for 1 year. She has decided we should get married so i can get her sponsored to come here. The problem is, she has become so obsessed with this. I cannot afford to sponsor her as i am just a student, even if we are married i still cannot afford it.she spends all her time talking in chat groups about getting the visa etc, ignores her career entirely and has given up on everything else. I am searching for part-time jobs to increase my income and think she should stay in her work for a bit so she has a better chance of getting a job in my country when she eventually comes here. She seems not even interested in talking to me at all and when we do talk all she wants to talk to me about is the visa.I've tried talking to her about this and she said she will try to spend more quality time with me but its just not happening and i feel miserable. For the last 4 months i've felt completely neglected.Sometimes i just want to talk to her about normal things, watch films together etc. I feel totally miserable. What should I do?
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 January 2019):
 I think you and her need some time together in person. Long distance is hard. If she has a difficult time visiting you, you should go visit her. Spend that quality time together in person. I am thinking this ldr is taking a toll on her too, which is why she is focusing so much on the visa.
Also if you can not afford to sponsor her, look into other options. Why cant you take a year to study in her country? As a student, you have that possibility.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2019): I know people this has happened too. She is just using you to move to the UK once she does that via marriage and get her visa she will leave you. Please don't be another statistic. Leave her to it. Find someone here in UK its so much better
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2019): I feel that you have doubts about your feelings for her. if you are not sure you want to marry her then you will be making a big mistake marrying her. You have told her you can not sponser her and you told her why you can't, if she doesn't want to understand that just ignore her. She will survive.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 January 2019):
 Tell her straight up that you CAN NOT afford to sponsor her and marriage is not going to make a difference as you can still NOT afford to support her (which you would have to PROVE you can do).
Whether it's because she WANTS to no longer BE LDR or.. she just wants to live in UK it's hard to say. I would suggest that IF she wants to immigrate to the UK, that she does so on her OWN accord. Which means... SHE will have to LIVE up to all the costs and requirements.
I think your relationship has come to a point where she wants to come live with you (which I'm guessing is sort of a fantasy you two have shared for a long time but it was more abstract without knowing all the requirements for a Visa) - she now WANTS that dream/fantasy to come through but she isn't being realistic in how it should happen.
As for marriage. I don't think YOU are ready for that. Financially or otherwise. To immigrate or move to another country isn't just going to be solved by getting married. YOU would STILL have to be able to provide for her.
For YOU it might mean that you HAVE to finish your studies and work full time for a while. Which means there is a sort of time line. However, you can't guarantee that you will find work right after your get your degree, etc. etc.
So you need to find out ALL the requirements for a visa for her. And IF you still want her to come live with you, make a time line/plan that you BOTH can find realistic.
But if I read in between the lines of your post (and I think you posted a week or two ago about this as well?)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-went-behind-my-back-and-told.html
She is pushing so hard for you to marry her and get her to the UK that she is actually PUSHING you away from you.
I think you need to decide whether you SEE a future here short term (is it doable with in a year) or not. If not.. maybe you need to consider YOUR own future. She like she is stressing you out with her demands.
Maybe what you should consider is dating someone who doesn't live in another country, someone you can spend time with without the added stress of marriage for a visa hanging over your head.
...............................
|
