A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a woman for five years now. We have hit some rocky patches in our road together but always stayed together. There has been issues involving another woman, an ex of hers that she doesn't seem to want to let go of. 18 months ago they were sending flirty texts to one another but she assured me nothing happened more than that. We stayed together after she told me she had told her to stop contacting her. A year later I then find this woman's number back in her phone but under 'hash' she told me at that point she wasn't ready to let 'it' go, at this point we were already split up. We managed to get back together and she deleted her number from her phone and assured me they hadn't spoken even though she had the number. Four months later, I then find the woman's number in her work phone but under a different name. It isn't only the deceitfulness, the calculated actions of doing it and taking me for an idiot but to now she's ignoring me? Again she told me they had no contact but then assured me she loved me etc then after a day of that, just no contact at all which I find a bit weird. Why would you not bother to contact someone you claim you think so much of yet can lie too but then disappear when its not me in the wrong, it's been three days now when we used to talk all day, everyday. I am right in presuming she has chosen the other woman? I would like to add I have made no contact.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 January 2019):
 Well, YOU keep taking her back after she does that so she assumes that hiding it will mean she doesn't HAVE to give it up, or the attitude is that it's better to ask forgiveness (after she gets caught) than ask permission.
I normally would say that I don't think a partner should HAVE to ask permission to talk to old friends, but... if someone is FLIRTING with an ex it isn't a friendship.
SHE IS NOT going to stop, OP - her actions have CLEARLY showed you that. YOU can not control what she does.
All you can do, is decide, DO I want to be with someone who is deceitful about that, who doesn't give a fly's fart about MY feelings?
DO I want to be with someone who OBVIOUSLY think I'm a total idiot and they can do what they want behind my back regardless of promises made?
I think you need to get off the carousel with this woman. SHE isn't going to let that ex go, BECAUSE she doesn't want to.
I would presume the relationship is OVER and I would BLOCK her number and work on moving on. OR you can waste MORE time with her and her lies.
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