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She told me she needs to be alone for a while. Did I come on too strong?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Online dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 April 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 April 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, *ncle Chaos writes:

Hi folks looking for some advice.

I started seeing this girl "R" in feburary after meeting online- we went for a meal and clicked right away- we talked for over 7 hours and when it was time to go we shared a kiss which was truley amazing.

A few days later we spent the afternoon together, watched some films and talked and kissed, cuddled on the sofa until very late at night.

Then R's ex came back into the picture and she decided to see if it could work, but she still wanted to keep talking, so we chatted via text and facebook almost every day.

Then, last week, she asked to meet for a catch up.

We talked and walked our dogs, I could tell something was up but I thought nothing of it- we hugged and went home.

Later in the week we were chatting on facebook and she started to get very sugestive with what she was saying.

I asked her to stop as I'd told her how much I liked her and it wasn't fair to me or her BF, to do that.

She appologised and admitted she had feelings for me too.

She came to watch me perform on a wrestling show and afterwards we spent a few hours baving a drink and talking about where we were with each other and agreeing to see each other and talk on tuesday, we kissed again in the carpark before heading home.

On Sunday she left her ex and asked to come and see me, we watched some films and she ended up spending the night.

Everything seemed fine but today she has told me she needs to be alone for a while.

Have I come on to strong?

Have I messed this up already?

I really like R and want to be with her but only if she wants to be with me too.

I'm scared that she's going to run away from this even though shes told me I make her feel happy and safe.

I really don't want to loose her, am I just being paranoid? What should I do?

View related questions: facebook, her ex, text

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (28 April 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntThis is a classic case of a "kid in a candy store".... with a dollar in his fist... looking in the display case and thinking: "What will it be.... a Snickers bar, or a Hershey bar..."

Wait until she decides before you leave the display case and remove your wrapper....

Good luck...

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (28 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntNope, I don't think you DID anything wrong.

SHE shouldn't have started dating WHEN she wasn't OVER her ex. She isn't over him and she isn't ready for a new relationship, no matter how great of a guy you are.

I know that is not what you want to hear, but I think that is how it is.

Give her space. You don't want her to BE with you because the ex didn't work out or because she doesn't want to be alone. YOU WANT her to DATE you, because she WANTS to be with you. And right now? She can't handle a relationship. SHE needs to sort herself out.

It's BARELY been 2-3 months and all this "drama" and "I need space" - I'd walk away now before you get even more emotionally invested in her. IF she... 5-6 months down the line contacts you and wants to try (if she is over the ex) and IF you are still single, the yes I'd give her a shot, but now?.... I'd back off and cut the contact.

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