A
male
age
36-40,
*ay2012
writes:hi guys, been a long time since i posted here ! Just wanted some quick adviceBeen chatting to a girl online for about a year now, we finally met up a month ago and sparks flew, we were both a little bit shocked that we got along so well and there was instant chemistry and connection basically couldn't keep our hands off eachother... we met once and then i saw her again about 4 days ago same thing instant chemistry, no akward moments , we were still shock... didnt wana let eachother go home haha but we had to ! anyway here is the rough part... the day after we last saw eachother (4 days ago) she invited and suggested we go away togather for a few days i said cool lets go it, so we decided it would be a double date get away with her frein and her freinds partner....another day passes and i message her first in morning as she has been messaging first most days, and i said cant wait see you sat. she agreed, then in afternoon i said il pay for the hotel /expenses etc or suggested i chip in , she responded few hours later (i notice around this time her replys were not instant anymore.. it took hours maybe half a day for her to respond) she replied' hey my friend is having problems with her partner and i think we may have to cancel going away, i miss u' i responed with hey thats cool hope ur partner is ok, do u want to go just me and u? i am miss u like crazy too ' she responded with ' yes me too, but i think its best i stay with her and be there for her for the moment as she has always been there for me at my worst times, i miss you more and il tell youa bout it when i see you'i responded with g like ' ok no worries hope everything is ok ... msg me if u want to catch up' (sent yestuday at 5pm)Those last 5 msgs and convo was yesturday..... , i sent my last message at 5pm.... she still hasnt read the msg on watsap.. its been a full almost 24hrs.... am i reading too much into this? getting unnecessary anxiety? about 3 days ago i called her just out of blue but she didnt answer or return y fone call...but we ended up just texting after that anyway during week so i guess taht 'covers not returning my call'honestly guys am i just thinking to much into this? its only been ONE DAY LOL but i notice the last 2 or 3 days her replys have been distant and took several hours before we chatted instantly...The main issue i want to know is, do girls say and mean they miss someone but then take forever to respond?if u truly miss someone wouldnt u go out of ur way to see them? anyway... is she getting scared of us getting close??do you think she cancelled because someone else is in the picture?She posted photos yesturday of her at dinner with her freind so she deff not lying there... I am just unsure what to do... should i call her????How many days should i wait before i start to chaseor do i let her read my msg first and then wait for her to respond....any help guys would be appreciated
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (7 December 2020):
 Although you have been chatting for a year, you have only been on two days, so in that respect its still early days.
I don't think you will be doing yourself any favours if you go chasing her and bombarding her with texts and calls.
I think she does like you, the first couple of dates went really well and you both connected. You have both said that you miss each other.
Keep dwelling on these positive facts then take a step back and give her the time and space that she needs to help her friend through a difficult time.
I think she will appreciate you giving her this space, and when she is ready i'm sure she will text or call you and you can pick up where you left off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2020): Pump the breaks! Your foot is stuck on the accelerator!
Give the poor woman a little breathing-room why don't you!
"Anxiety" should not even be an issue here! Why would a little waiting rise to the level of anxiety?
As for not keeping your hands off each-other, being needy and greedy is the best way I know to make the novelty of new romance wear-off prematurely!
Too much focus on the physical aspect will undercut or subtract from the more emotional and intellectual connection that breaths life into a budding-romance.
Learn to like her for her, and not just for sex. Your eagerness is centered more so around sex; but note that she is showing concern for a friend. That means she expects to be appreciated for her ability to be compassionate, loving, and faithful. These are emotional qualities that should not be under-appreciated.
How many days should you wait? That should be a no-brainer for someone your age. You should simply cool your jets and take a chill pill.
Take a couple of cold showers, tone-down the testosterone, and try to think with the head attached to your neck!
That will give you more patience; and make you behave with maturity. Maybe you'll allow yourself to calm-down; so you can focus on her personality, apart from how great the sex is.
She said she misses you, that will give her incentive to get back to you soon. If things cool down for a few days, that's reality and maturity setting-in; and she's giving things a chance to slow to a reasonable pace. Remember, you're not teenagers, you're both adults!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (6 December 2020):
 Give her a little space.
Maybe she is more focused on "being there" for the friend than being in constant contact with you. Either because she KNOWS you are interested, and you TOLD her that you understand her priority right now is the friend, or she is pulling back a little who "being there" for the friend.
You two have been talking for a year. Talking is lovely. Many people feel they fall in love or fall for someone they talk to like that. But in reality, you two have ONLY met twice IN PERSON, so going away together might be a little fast. FOR her. Even if it was HER suggestion.
TRY and SLOW down.
The point of meeting someone to date is to get to know that, that means SPEND time with them. The more time you can spend IN person the better you can know her. I know it FEELS like you two already know each other and you two know SOME of each other, but what you know is CURATED, what SHE knows is CURATED. There will be a lot of things you will see about her (and not just the chemistry) in person that you didn't know from "talking". Same for her.
You both need to LIVE your lives while getting to know each other. She can not revolve around you and you can not revolve around her.
Give HER some time to MISS you. To WANT to talk to YOU.
If I were you I'd still do a good morning or good night message but make it light.
He friend obviously is someone important to her, so her wanting to help her with whatever is going on is HER being a good friend, however would it mean she can't talk to you all of a sudden?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2020): Two points - a - you are being far too needy and pushy. You are already pushing and demanding, that in itself puts people off. If what she says about her friend is true she would be wanting to concentrate on that now, not worrying about getting back to you urgently - she is not on your payroll, not your private assistant paid to be at your beck and call. COOL IT. No questions no demands no contacts till she contacts you.b - she does not need your permission to be unsure about spending a few days with you, or leaving her friend, what she says may be untrue but she can change her mind now and change it back later - which she is more likely to do if you do not push and demand. If you show her you are pushy now that could well get her to decide she had a lucky escape to cancel your days together and she loses interest altogether.Some women get very into relationships and feelings and want other women about all the time just so that they can share all of the details of the last argument or even "he said he would be there at 8 pm but he got there ten minutes late - this is the end of the World, has he stopped loving me?" and these conversations can go on for hours and hours. But women who do that are immature, very immature, and the are also self obsessed. Every tiny little thing gets analysed to death, nothing else matter. You could be laying in the road dying and she would say to you "but why was he ten minutes later?" They don't get their priorities right or get things in perspective. And they are the only person in the World that matters.If her friend has a problem with her man that is usually the cause of it. Usually any relationship that needs constant analysis and discussion is a rubbish relationship living on borrowed time, or the woman is far too dramatic and emotional and could never make any relationship work. I cannot see how her friend needs her there at all. Her friend is better off sorting out her feelings and her relationship with the boyfriend or on her own anyway.She is not a kid at school who needs someone to hold her hand when she crosses the road, and she could easily text and be in touch from a distance. I think it was an excuse. But you have no right to ask her about that or find fault with it - that is her choice. And the more you do that the more you push her away.
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