A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf and I have been dating for 2.5 years. We spoke today over the phone, and she asked me if I want to know what she feels right now. I said yes.She said that a few days ago, I had put her down. I asked how. She explained that she felt hurt when I told her that my driving testing score was higher than her.It started as so that night. I made a wide right turn onto a street and jokingly made fun of myself that I would have failed driving test. My gf essentially implied that I "suck" (I can't remember exactly what she said), but I jokingly responded by saying that I scored higher on the driving test than her. Apparently, that hurt her feelings, and I found out today. I apologized that I hurt her feelings explaining it was a fun-of-the-moment response, and asked her if she can accept it. She said no. I explained that she implied that I sucks at driving as well, but I never took that personally. I feel that is too sensitive. I am afraid that I have to be more careful with my jokes now.She then proceeded to say that I have changed. That I am different now. She asked what I want to do with our relationship. She asked if we should just be friends or take a break? I told her neither, and that it would be better if we talk face-to-face for an important conversation like this. I asked her if I can come over now, and she said no. She said we can talk tomorrow.I told her I have been under a lot of stress lately because I am running a project that's several months behind (I inherited the project from a previous person). But she responded that it started before that. Usually, I would go with her to visit her parents ever Sunday. I have not done so the last two Sundays because of the project, and I was tired the last time. I am sure she feels that I am not as engaged as before due to these scenarios. I think she has also been testing me for the last few days.1. I gave her $200 earrings for Valentine and she can exchange that if she wants to choose. A few days ago, she reminded me of what I said and basically criticized for not taking her to see the earrings. She said that she shouldn't have to remind me. I then took her to a mall where we browsed for some earrings. She asked for much more expensive earrings, although I am very certain that she was only testing my response. In the past, I would have probably responded "okay", and then she would said "just joking." More recently, I have been more direct with my answers, and frankly, more honest, because I don't want misunderstanding. I simply said that I cannot afford it, although even if I were to buy it for her, should would have NOT accept it.2. She's been asking me what I'm getting her for her when she graduates (she's a graduate student). I told her I don't know yet. I asked her what she wants. She asked me what's my price range. Again, I think she's testing me. And frankly, I was tired from hearing these things so I jokingly said $100.Some of these questions revolve around money, even though she will make 6-figure very soon. I have been paying for 90% of the time when we go out to eat. In the past, she would offer to pay, but she hasn't done much of that anymore. My monthly bill is about $700-1000 each month on the expenses for the two of us.I don't know what to say to her tomorrow. I am sure she will find more faults in my behaviors. I am so confused as to what to do. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 February 2013):
 There is a book called "The 5 languages of love."
I think the two of you speak "different" languages. Where she sees material "gifts" as YOU showing love, you seem to take it more as a chore.
I, for one, don't understand WHY she should pick out a present from YOU to her. And did SHE give YOU anything for Valentines? And is that the norm? You give, she takes?
You say that lately you have been more direct, yet when it came down to her graduation gift you said "jokingly" $100 - the thing is - if I understand you right, you don't want to be looked at as a cash-cow. Presents should be voluntary, not demanded - Am I right? Maybe the change in you to be more honest or direct is seen by her as you care less?
She isn't YET making 6 figures, so in that sense don't sell the milk til you own the cow. If you are unhappy being the one carrying the entire bill when you are together, talk to her, tell her that you can't afford to "keep" paying.
As for the driving test thing.. I think she is nitpicking for the sake of nitpicking or because something entirely different is bothering her and she doesn't know how to express it. Maybe the lack of time you two spend together at the moment due to your project, perhaps? Maybe that is why she is being more demanding when it comes to gifts? Because she somehow feels you are not showing her you love & care, because you are working so hard? The fact that she is being unrealistic about it, you work that hard because you HAVE to - you have a job and bills to pay.
Talk to her. I would try not to make this about money though, but keep being honest.
After 2 1/2 you shouldn't have to be "tested" to prove you still care. I think something is up with her, otherwise why bring up taking a break? And then making YOU make the choice? If she wants a break, why didn't she just say it?
She sounds a tad insecure.
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 She sounds like a high emotional maintenance kinda girl.
Personally I would run a mile.
The question is: do you want to be with someone who's never happy? There are plenty of content, happy people out there.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 What to do? Read dating books man. Dont be a wuss and apologize about something so tedious as a joke about a driving score. I honestly think your girl is miserable because you keep kissing her butt with gifts and giving in to her demands. Dude compromise n learn to put ur foot down. This is all way dramatic when it can easily be playful n create attraction. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Sounds like your girlfriend has an inferior complex about herself that she constantly needs to be reassured.She either trust and believes you or find someone else. I also think she mght be looking for an out of this relationship as she is using petty issues to take a break.You probably need to ask her outright what are her expectations and if she really wants this relationship. Its time to have an open talk and know where you stand. Goodluck
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