A
male
age
41-50,
*order
writes:My wife of almost 8 years left me for partying, and to "miss me" so she can fall in love again, from what she said. I know she is just out partying. This wouldn't be as big a deal, but we have 10 years together, 8 of which is marriage, and 3 children.Because she left, I am now losing our home. She actually took our children and moved into my parents' house, but she's out every weekend. I'm in a lot of pain. She is my soul mate, lover, best friend, wife, and mother of my children. I mean, We're MARRIED!?!?I have given up on calling and sending roses and all that. I used to be able to say things and write things that would touch her heart, and now it is as if I was a channel that she turned on a tv.How do I overcome all of this grief and total depression?
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female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 I agree with Polarkite, and I will add that many women - like your wife, I believe, married too young. She feels she's missed out on how to get out there, have fun and 'party' and perhaps she wants feel single again.
I don't know your wife's background, but with me, I had a very strict upbringing, not allowed to go out, wasn't allowed to go to friend's houses, not even allowed friends home from school. If I did go out, anywhere, even shopping up the West End of London - I had to have one of my brothers or an older male cousin chaperone me.
I was 17 when I met a guy of 25, I began secretly dating him. My parents found out and wanted to meet him. He told them he loved me and wanted to marry me. To my surprise they agreed.
We met in the November, and on my 18th birthday the following February we got engaged. I was free!!
They let me do whatever I wanted, even let me go away with him. We were married in the July, 9 months after I met him.
I had my 2 children when I was 21. He played around and I divorced him a few years later.
What i'm trying to say here is, I regretted marrying and starting a family (in my opinion) at such a young age. I didn't enjoy my teenage years at all. Could it be that -that is what your wife is feeling now?
Give her the space she wants, but also do as Polarkite suggests and have it out with her. Find out if she still loves you and take it from there.
Until you have this heart to heart with her, you will fall deeper and deeper in to depression and it will become very difficult for you to get out of it. You are still so young, if your marriage ends - then you will have to accept it, and who knows, you may meet someone out there who will want to spend the rest of their life with you.
(It's a shame you're in The States and i'm older than you, but hey, I can be your older sis, can't I?)
You hang in there, everything will turn out great, trust me, i've been there.
Take good care of yourself.
BigSis xXx
A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (30 March 2008):
 She's bored of being in a marriage, and wants to party while she's still young. Clearly she didn't think that was possible while being married.This is hard, very hard. She's clearly turned off the channel, as you have said. Just try leveling with her, find out what she wants, and what you want moving forward. Spare her the sweet talk, and have a serious discussion. Find out if she wants a divorce or a temporary separation. If she's really unclear, tell her so. Discuss the house issue with her.Come up with a plan regarding your house, children, etc. Just take a step forward, and try to learn from what happened. Clearly, this is hard advice to take, but this is the way life is sometimes.
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