A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am still having MASSIVE trust issues despite things going better than most could expect from a relationship.She has booked a wedding venue....says she has stopped taking the Pill so we can start a family, but I am STILL having trust issues. Its insane I know but I can't help the way I feel. When she's texting I worry its her ex....or worse despite having 'Unfriended' him on Facebook.She assures me that she has broken all contact with him. But they used to text once every other day.....now nothing, nothing at all. Seems a bit TOO convenient to me! What on earth is going on for me to feel this way???
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facebook, her ex, text, the pill, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 So why haven't you made a phone call to find a counselor yet? You're miserable, so get some help handling this. Otherwise, you will be stuck in this rut forever. Not a nice way to live, I think, wouldn't it take less energy to find help than to worry about what is potentially nothing for hours a day? And definitely stop trying to have a baby. Neither of you are prepared for the emotional fallout from that relationship stressor.
Do some work on yourself and the relationship. Get help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs an example...we sat for an hour talking about how we were to get married, when and all the lovely stuff that goes along with that. I was sat next to her at the time. Then she said "want to lie down?" so I did, immediately she picked up her iPhone (its back pointing down at me) and started fiddling away with it on-line. Immediately my thoughts were "you only asked me to lie down as that way I couldn't see what you were doing on the phone".
Now as insane as it sounds given the conversation we had seconds before that's where my mind defaulted to!
Thanks,
M
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Trust issues or Rush issues
Firstly I'm with Tish, you need counseling, I encourage you both to sit with someone.
Your trust issues seem to go further back than this RS so you may also need to open up that can of worms with your own counselor.
Don't start a marriage and a family where there is no open dialog even if that's in a state of panic and untrust. You really need to be validated by someone, that should be her, unless she's going to be upset that you are "going down that road again" with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): Whats your relationship history,have you been cheated on before?
Why did she break up with her EX? (and he is her EX now)
Not sure why your having trust issues but it needs to be settled before you progress up the aisle,your guts telling you somethings not 100%
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 January 2012):
I think some pre-marital counseling is in order. Why not suggest this before you tie the knot or make a baby?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question.... surely that will just open old wounds regarding my inability to trust... I have to think in terms of it being my problem and not hers. Imagine if I am wrong and push her away. I will have wasted a fantastic opportunity?
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (13 January 2012):
 ask her to show you her phone so you can see if there are any texts from her ex, or if his number is still in her phone. This is the only way you'll know for sure. If she has nothing to hide, then she'll willingly put your mind at rest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): If she was texting regularly behind your back it seems too convenient to me too. Does she have a secret mobile phone hidden? I would trust your instinct because women like that rarely change.
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