A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused about a girl at work. I've had a crush on her for a while, and told her that one evening when we were both working back late, alone. She went quiet for a little while and I thought that I'd made her hate me, but then she told me that she's bisexual, and started telling me about girls that she's dated in the past. She was heaps easier to talk to after that, and we flirted really obviously for the rest of the evening. She was flirtier than I was, and that surprised me because she's a very reserved person and I had no idea that she could be that forward. I gave her my number - and the next day she was cold to me. She wouldn't even acknowledge me in front of our coworkers, and when I spoke to her, she was unusually dismissive, answering with only one word etc. She didn't come over to speak to me any more, and would pretend to be busy or just walk away if I went to her work station at break time.Over the last week or so, things got better. The ice melted. She came over to speak to me today and ended up working near me all day. We were talking like nothing was out of the ordinary. She flirted a little, which confused me. I didn't say anything *too* personal to her and didn't openly flirt with her because we were working with other people, but she knew that I was looking at her, and I caught her doing the same thing to me a dozen or so times.I've asked some of our mutual work friends about her, very casually. Most of them aren't even aware that she's bisexual (I didn't correct them, in case she's closeted), and a few of them said that they don't know anything about her personal life at all. That was surprising because I assumed that she'd have mentioned *something* to the people she spends nine hours a day with, but no. I didn't even know that she'd filed a sexual harassment case against another (male) coworker until she told me herself, which goes to show how good she is at keeping quiet about things and avoiding being gossiped about.She's an intensely private and moody person and hates being talked about, so I understand why she might be a bit aloof when other people are around. That said, though, she has my number, but doesn't text or anything, so what does that mean?! What is going through her mind? Do I even have a chance with her, or should I just avoid her in the future? (I don't want to do that, because she is, very literally, my perfect girl, physically and intellectually). I have no idea what's going on here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2014): She filed a sexual harassment case against someone on the same job?
She flirts with you when there isn't a sole around; then goes completely cold when they are? Any correlation there? Her sexual-orientation belongs in her private life; and you're better off not exchanging flirtations with someone with an active sexual harassment case pending with your employer.
When you're on the job, be professional. It's safer to keep your romantic pursuits outside the workplace.
On the job, your behavior is subject to the code of ethics and rules of conduct set by your employer. Something isn't right about that woman, and I suggest you keep a professional-distance from her.
Hot and cold treatment from anyone should be a red-flag, if not a deal-breaker. My advice...keep it strictly business with that lady. BACK OFF!!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 November 2014):
 Ah, I missed the gender of the OP (I'm sorry)
The BALL is on her court. She knows you are interested, she has the means to contact you.
If she doesn't seem to want to text or call you outside work, I would presume she really isn't interested in pursuing anything with you. Maybe because she IS a very private person and dating another female co-worker would be gossip fodder extraordinaire?
I wouldn't avoid her, but I'd cut the flirtation (if it bothers you) and just be polite and professional.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): So it sounds like you know information about her that nobody else knows, apparently. You dedicated a whole paragraph to how nobody knows anything about her private life, and she would like to keep it that way. So what is wrong with that? Sounds respectable enough to me. And her wanting to keep her personal affairs private could be why she had kept her distance from you. Who knows? Now put yourself in her shoes for a minute. If there was a woman who offered you her time and her attention AND her phone number, like you did to her, what reason would YOU have to react the way she did? Feeling aloof or ignoring someone who shows you interest is a universal thing. Everybody at some point in their life has felt that way or acted that way toward someone who is interested in them. That someone shows you interest and yet you don't bite. When this has happened to you, what were your reasons? Because I know that the times that someone has shown interest in me and I don't react PLUS I ignore them, means only one thing: I AM NOT INTERESTED.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 November 2014):
If she brought up past GF's I think it was a HUGE hint that she is mainly into girls. She might find you a SAFE guy to flirt with and she was fine with it until you gave her your number. That might have felt to her that you now assumed she wanted more.
She seems a little complicated to be honest (not because she is bisexual) but she is mood and very private - goes from hot to cold overnight.
I'd back off. And LOOK outside of the work place for a girl to date.
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