A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes: hi i have seperated from my wife of 25 years last year we have 3 children 21 17 and 8 she was having an affair with my employee, they have moved away, and now she wants to come back and live with me , i have formed a new relationship with a lady , but still feel strongly about my wifewhat should i do , she has apologised , etcthanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): I am very new in the computer world,But deceided to give it a go anyway. I myself separated Two years ago after 25 years of marrage,and have found it very hard to move on with my life, It sounds to me like u have move on. But you never said if you are happy,in your new relationship now.I think you should be very careful,that your ex wife only wants to go back with you because she is lonely,sometimes i have thought of that myself.But then took the time and asked myself why we are not together toady.this normally gives me my answer.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): Hi,
I am in a similar situation. Seperated from my wife of 17 years. We have 6 kids 15,10,9 and 6 year old triplets.
She started an affair with a friend of the family who is the God Parent to one of our children. It is a long distance relationship which she has maintained for almost 3 years now. I am in a new relationship, but I long for the women I married. The thing is I feel the person I married no longer exists as my estrange wife is no longer the person I married. Her values, behaviours and priorities have drastically changed. She has never properly apologised for what she has done to our family as I believe she feels she has done no wrong.
In my case even if she expressed an interest in reconciliation I don't believe I could face it for those reasons. For yourself all I can say is everyone deserves a 2nd chance. There is nothing ever said or done that can't be forgiven.If you still love your wife for the person she is and feel you can forgive and trust her fully then give reconciliation your full effort as there is alot to be gained for you and your family.
I wish you and your family well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): I'm sorry this has happened to you. There exists a huge forum at www.survivinginfidelity.com that has 12,00 members. They have good advice there, and it is free. My name on the forum is spincycle, hope to see you there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Wow - I think you are a brave and big hearted man to consider this but I can see there is much at stake. The issue I guess is.... will it ever be the same again? Or.. should it be the same again or can it be different and better? Its hard to know whether you can both move on from this within the relationship because you may argue about it for some time to come - bitterness, blaming and regret. What you have to work out is do you want to even try? You may not succeed. My concern also is that you have now formed a relationship with someone else which will be painful for her and you perhaps to break from. One thing for sure - decide and stick to it. You cannot both keep experimenting with other relationships to then decide the one you had is what you really want. Other people get hurt along the way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): i am going through the same thing,but i am the wife who wants to get back,not sure what age your wife is,but this could of been a midlife crisis for her and she has just realised what she has thrown away.my husband was with him 15 years we split a year ago,and 3 weeks ago he wanted to get back with me so i said give it abit of time to sort my head out,in the time i was doing that and it wasnt long he has meet someone else and wont give me a second chance.yuo have to decided what you want your wife who you know well who you have been with for along time or this new lady.its your choice.
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A
male
reader, AndyL  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Man, of course you "still feel strongly about your wife"...After 25 years together, it's a obvious thing!But "listen": I don't think come back as a good choice. After all her hot fun with the other man, she thinks can come back? Is it right for you? Unless you have cheated on her before...So i think you must forgive her but not to come back. And remember: You have another woman by now.
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A
male
reader, jaimeamour22  +, writes (13 September 2007):
do you still love her does she still love you , ask this and you have many answers , why did it go wrong .. did you become unavailable or did she , always think blame is a easy thing ,my parents slit up when i was 20 my dad blames me for not telling him about moms relationship . as a child or semi adult of a divorce its a messy thing , if you know in your heart you maybe able to trust her again and she wants to work things out do so please , but if you think she jumped from the pot into the fire , and now regrets it do as it will only do more damage to you kids just , please be supportive with our kids and talk with you wife ,,, and follow your heart and be honest with each other ,, godbless xx jaime and dont be bitter
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 I have to agree with Frank, she really needs to earn her way back into your life/marriage if she really is serious. Many times I have seen where this has happened and the biggest reason is because there new found "friend" just didn't fit the "picture" they first thought they would. Then comes money issues between them and of course, since they are not married, it's easier to say "so long" and move on...and I bet he left her. What probably brought them together was just sex, and let's say it was "so" good, she could have had that with YOU! That's if she really wanted.
I can understand you having such strong feelings for your wife because of your history together, and because she left you and I'm sure it was a blow to you. However, I would still continue to see your new friend and see where this leads you. You never know...she really could just be using you because she needs a place to stay, her finances are not what they "could" be, and she knows what she had...and I'm sure it was a good thing. She screwed up..big time...let her work her way back if she really means well...she'll prove it to you if she does.
Good Luck and most of all, be strong, yet firm.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Slow down dude. I think you should see this an opportunity.
For all you know, your wife only wants you back becuase he dumped her and she has no where else to go. There is no guarentee that she would not run off again.
I think that you should give your wife the chance to EARN her place back in your life. You do have a history and children together, but that does not mean you would take her back right away. Give her tests and challenges, for her to earn her way back in. Do NOT let her live with you UNTIL she earns her place back. This way, if she earns it, you can be sure she is serious about being with you.
As for the woman you are seeing, I think the same thing. Make her earn your committment. Do not give it so freely.
Which ever one earns your commitment is the one that you end up with.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (12 September 2007):
 I think that with some counseling you can work things out with your wife. If you are willing to forgive her for her mistake, then give it a try. Good Luck, I hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): Make sure she's actually sorry first. If you want to be with your wife again, and not because of convenience reasons or financial reasons, I say give it another go, especially since you have an 8 year old. But make it clear to her that you will not be putting up with anymore lies or you're gone for good this time.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Consider it very carefully. She moved away with her new lover. So I'm guessing they fizzled and now she wants the safety net of her marriage to fall back on. Just make sure you understand the motive of why she suddenly wants to come back and then you'll know what to do. If she has somehow discovered that she is truly sorry for the affair, and loves you more than ever, then you could try it again. But you'll probably both need counseling, especially you to help you deal with the trust issues that come after an affair. Good luck.
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