A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 22 goin out wit my 26 yr old boyfrend 7 monthsfor the first 3 months we had so much fun we used to always go out dancing in clubs go to pubs and go out drinking and go to cinemas.we said i love you after only 3 months which is very quick i know but i fell for him so quickly hes such a charmer and so goodlooking,hes hard to resist and hes amazing in bed.but for the last 4 months he has no job he has a very bad back he is always on medication and always goin to doctor/hospital. he is always complaining,very grumpy,moody and we do nothing and i mean nothing he cant afford anyting he is so poor.anytime i ask him is he is ok or do u wanna talk he jus laughs at me so i find it very difficult to talk 2 him i find it very awkward to be around him for fear if i speak he will insult and put me down.im always their for him he doesnt deserve me im too good for him.i put way more effort and thought into the realtionship than he does.it feels like hes not interested then why hasnt he dumped me???he says im the best in bed.i feel like hes using me.i always offer/lend him money but he does not like this at all. so then we end up being very very bored with nothing to do.i am a very sensitive/emotional girl where as he is a very very very sarcastic man which really annoys me cause he always sayin smart comments which insult me.he always treats me like shit he never ever brings me to restaurants he never ever ever gives me a birthday card or valentines card ever. he is rude and smart alec and always puts me down he always says im wrong and hes right . i do volunteer work for suicidal people and he makes fun of my job. but hes the one who doesnt work he sits on his lazy ass all day watching tv. he keeps sayin how hard life is for him but hes making my my life hell.what do i do???????help!!!!!!!!!thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): I'm sorry for you. I feel badly for you having to be in this situation. But some men (me being one of them) have a tendancy to try and hide their worries of difficulties. When you show signs of caring, he laughes it all off and says he's fine right? He's not. Or he really is an ass. It's your job to find out what he is hurt by, or if finding out is worth your time, or if he is just an ass. Follow your feelings, and do what must be done. I'm just saying, he may be hurting, even if he doesn't show it in a way that would be obvious. If he is, he just doesn't want the burden to fall on you. Make sure you get what you want out of this relationship.
A
male
reader, twistedelm  +, writes (24 March 2010):
Miss I would kick him out of your house at least until he showed you a little respect. Sorry but I dont treat woman like this. Some guys never learn that just because they might have a good thing today--it does not mean it will be there forever. This type of guy is really stupid--because you have to work at any relationship. Just saying you love someone isnt enough. You have to show it to them. I hope this helps you out?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): If you are finding it very difficult to leave this relationship and this man, it may be because he is conning and manipulating you to such an extent that you are confused about your own perception of reality. He uses sex to bond you to him more deeply and he has his hooks in you.
This man is toxic to you at the very least or at the worst he is pathological. Either instance will lead to furhter harm to you psychologically, emotionally and even physically, being with someone who emotionally abuses you in this way can actually make YOU sick.
The best thing to do is to walk away forever...no looking back, no friends, no friends with benefits no contact means no contact. If you have to change your phone number and other contacts then do so.
He may beg and plead and promise to change but don't you believe it. People like him NEVER change they are INCAPABLE of change and growth.
Read my Relationship Red Flags article on DC and follow the links listed there and by me and Ask Older Sister.
Do some research, do your homework and try to work out what this man really is, how this is an unhealthy relationship, what is it about you that would make you settle for such a relationship and how to heal and get on with your life and never choose another pathological man again as a partner.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 What are you doing with this asshole??
He's lazy, doesn't even TRY to get a job and treats you like SHIT?!!! This is madness. Any girl deserves better than this.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Well, I agree, he does sound like a real charmer. If you find that kind of behavior "hard to resist" then there will be some other men out there for you.
I think the fact that in the 7 months of your relationship he has repeatedly failed to buy you a birthday card is shocking behavior.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 March 2010):
You need to end it. This won't change, and you can do better.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 How can you tolerate all those stuff? You are being emotionally and mentally abused .
You don't deserve such rotten treatment from him .
Walk away and start a new life.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2010):
 You get a new boyfriend, that's what you do.
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