A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy for about a year. He had to put a lot of work into getting me to go out with him. When we started dating, he was really romantic to me and very nice. He respected me and was really into me. He told me how beautiful I am and how he likes my smile. The sex was amazing. However, I am mentally unstable and my problems and insecurities started to surface. I know they turned him away, as I did become really annoying, but I had a lot of personal stuff going on. He told me that he didn't want anything serious but still wanted to remain friends with me. I was heartbroken, but I tried to give it a go since I really liked him and we had so much in common.A month later, he called me up and we went out. He told me how much he missed me and we went back to my place and had sex. Our friendship continued like this for about 5 months. My insecurities were still present and he knew about them. I would often over react on stupid stuff and have flashbacks from my past that put me in a horrible funk. It was not fun to be around me sometime. He kept saying we were only friends and that he didn't want anything serious and I was always pushing him away with my lack of trust in people. but it always seemed like he still liked me in a special way. I could tell by the way he looks at me and smiles at me. I ended up falling in love with him, I could not help it, we had too much fun when we were hanging out together.Last week he told me he has a girlfriend. That struck my heart like a bag of bricks. The worst part is the girl is 19 and he is going to be 30. I am 25. She isnt even in college, has a fake ID and drinks with it, she isnt in shape and is a party girly girl. I am in college working on my masters in Genetic Engineering and he is doing the same masters program. I am mad cause I am thinking why has he been telling me that he wasnt ready for anything serious then gets serious with a teenager who thinks life is a party?! He tells me he is so in love and knows it hurts me. He wants to still be my friend but its hard for me to be his friend. It hurts every time I see him now. Yet, he will say hi to me, tap me on the shoulder, gently touch my arm when he talks to me sometimes. When we talk is just like before and he still looks right in my eyes with that same big, smile. I still feel so connected with him. What do you guys think of this situation? I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and getting treatment for my mental problems. I am hoping one day he will give me another chance and find that I have worked everything out and Im a different person. I want to be a different person, I am not happy the way I am right now but feeling better with therapy. Do think there is still something there between us? And why did he get into a relationship with someone completely opposite of me when he told me he wasnt ready? I think my unstable mentality drove him away. We were like best friends and lovers, shared so many interests and studied together. I really felt good chemistry and I could tell he used to be into me as well. I just hope he can give me another chance someday. I love him very much.
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best friend, has a girlfriend, heartbroken, mental problems Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): If you say that 19 and 30 is not okay now, are you being hypocritical about this? Would you have said the same thing back when you were 19 and a desirable 30yo guy was hitting on you?
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (25 April 2010):
 When he said he didn't want a relationship, he meant he didn't want a relationship with you. He liked you a lot, and he certainly liked the sex, but it sounds like he felt you and him are not a good relationship match.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 April 2010):
He's after nothing but sex, and you were looking for more. That's what this comes down to. Sorry but he has basically used you for his own ends. You were looking for more than he wanted to give. The younger girl is another girl he will use for sex and dump. Please move on from him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 Because you are going to expect commitment from him and the younger girl is not. Serious means loving your wife when she's depressed, have a headache, feels insecure, spending nights with her at the hospital when she has a surgery, childbirth, etc. He feels he's still too young to do this. For him right now, "life is a party" is much better than "life is sorrow, never ending responsibilies and chores, trying to make a woman happy without any clue." You are who you are. Don't make it seem like depression makes you less of a woman. Think of it as something as poetic as the dark night of the soul, or spiritual as a rite of passage. Be patient with yourself even if he's not patient with you. When you feel better you will probably think your ex is a waste of time. A real man is ready for a relationship with a real woman. A Master's in Science is something that I, and most people would never achieve in my whole life. You have a lot to be proud of.
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A
female
reader, GuardianAngel +, writes (24 April 2010):
 Hey this must be very hard for you with your problem on your shoulders but I think you need to move on and find a man who cares about you and doesnt care if you have a problem like that he will be there for you no matter what I think this other guy was just using you, as you said you met up with him and ended going to bed together he thinks your easy and thats why he kept coming back but if I may add there is nothing wrong with this girls age and his, age is just a number and by the sounds of it he just wants to be friends and he's using you as a booty call really! Hope this helps my friendYours Sincerely Guardian Angel
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