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Sad lonely and dying inside

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 April 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *lisha09 writes:


I started a new job and this man 11 years older then me started displaying a huge interest in me. I used to go to school with his partner and this is was the common factor in our friendship.

I never found him attractive or interesting but I liked the attention as I was fitting into my new workplace. He was not my type at all and to begin with I hardly even noticed him, until he came up to me and started talking.

He started emailing me – inviting me to work dues – but I always declined as I wasn’t interested. Despite being really popular – everyone liked him - he never talked to me in work just hi and always looked embarrassed when ever I was around. We soon became good e mail/phone friends. Talking every night for 2/3 hours, constantly smsing, emailing.

He started emailing me between 50/70 times a day, talking in general about life and his relationship my relationship I was in at the time (I wasn’t happy neither was he). Conversation was how he was in a non physical relationship and the kids were the only thing holding them apart.

Then slowly turned to how much he liked me and how he wishes he wasn’t in a relationship. Soon after the conversation starting turning juicier, of how much he liked me etc ….

I finally agreed to go to a work due, all his attention was on me, even though he knew everyone there and I knew a handful of people so it was awkward for me. He got really; really drunk tried it on but I knocked him back as I really only wanted friendship.

I was still hurting from my last relationship and was not interested in starting another. Then a few days after we went out again and he tried it on again I kissed him back and that was it. We still stayed good friends and never really mentioned the kiss although I could tell he wanted to take it a lot further.

Shortly after we started meeting after work – go for drives – talk kiss cuddle – this went on for 2 months and we got more physical. 4 times in total in the span of 2 months – I felt that he was totally attracted towards me and stupidly felt more was going to happen – even though I didn’t want it too.

I liked the attention but felt cheap when I was with him and always felt he was making up the physical part he lacked in his relationship. Many times I asked him about this and he denied it, said that I really turned him on.

Things got better between us. His relationship with his partner was drifting further apart and he said they was living together but were not together – he had a feeling she was having an affair so asked me to find out as we have same friends in common. She had a profile on a website and on there she was flaunting her relationship with some man in work she was seeing.

I told him about it – showed him the pictures of her and that boy in rather intimate positions, even got proof from one of his friends that worked there. When I told him he looked as if his world had blown apart – he tackled her about it saying that I had told him – she denied it all called me jealous and said I was after him this is why I had lied.

The evidence she said was just her drunk despite all the pictures were with the same guy in different poses. She turned the tables and said if he didn’t believe her she would move out the house and take the children.

Soon after he found this out – he lost all interest in me – stopped emailing me, would reply to my mails – but they was short and one worded, stopped calling me - meeting me – so I finally broke down and asked him what I had done why he was treating me this way.

He sent me an email saying he could no longer talk to me or be friends with me and I had to leave him alone, he said he felt he was falling in love with me and didn’t want to lose contact with his kids and the only way he could make a go of things was if I left him alone.

I agreed but asked him if we could be friends – he apologised said yes but everything has changed and could not go on like before. There were rare emails and no telephone calls.

Then after a few weeks I was walking home he stopped and offered me a lift, again one thing lead to another and we did it again. After that he had completely changed he doesn’t talk to me – I catch him looking at me – when I look he looks away – when I talk face to face he looks away will not look at me every time I see him – I am crying inside – why treat me this way.

What has happened to our friendship? Was that all I was to him was meaningless fun.

I went on leave came back and still feel the same – I don’t know maybe I am lonely but I hate this feeling. No change with him – he just looks at me but no more. I can tell he is attracted.

For a month we have been distant - Last night there was another works due – I saw him and he ignored me and looked uncomfortable with me a round as he was leaving I asked him for a lift he was hesitant but gave me one anyway. I wanted to talk to him alone, and find out why he was treating me this way.

So I asked - he explained that he very attracted towards me but couldn’t be as he was trying to make a go of it with his partner, I said this is fine – but asked why he was being so closed towards me and he said he wasn’t he was like it with everyone.

He sometimes gets depressed and cant talk to anyone this is what he said. Maybe he has problems with his partner I don’t know – but I know till last month things were very strained they cant all of a sudden get better over night.

I said i miss our friendship he said he felt the same but could not be friends with me for the sake of his relationship. He refused to look at me when I was talking and denied it at first that anything was wrong said it was all in my head then I said ok – then look at me – if it is all in my head why cant you look at me – we discussed things hugged and had a good bye kiss which turned more physical.

He kept saying this is the last time – last time – I have to make a go of things for the sake of my kids. I initiated the kiss – but after that said ok – if you don’t feel comfortable we won’t do anymore he was like you can’t leave me like this and he did the rest I asked him to stop – as he was not turning me on – it was uncomfortable and I was not into him at all. For a guy I can see this is hard.

As he dropped me off – he said you wanted this to happen but this is the last time – no more. I was like no I never I wanted to talk to you – he said I could tell you wanted it. The truth is all I wanted was to talk – become friends like before – he said we can be friends but not like before as he needs to clear his head from me.

So why am I feeling this way? Why do I miss him so much? Why am I sat here crying my heart out – when I claim to feel nothing? I cannot ignore him as I work with him

I am very attractive – I know this I get a lot of male attention – so It is not that I cannot find a another man as I know I can – but I miss our friendship. I have tried not emailing me but I cannot help myself. I really miss him to the point I cannot be in work anymore – I come home crying.

From what you have read do you think it was all lies? Or am I to blame? I feel heart broken whether friendship or miss physical side I am not in a good place at present

View related questions: affair, cheap, depressed, drunk, I work with, jealous, workplace

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A female reader, Alisha09 United Kingdom +, writes (11 April 2009):

Alisha09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know but it hurts so much i cant sleep and am constantly crying i need to leave my job i am so down and depressed

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