A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was growing up my eldest sister was kind , caring and in all a lovely person - Now she has turned out a disappointment and has such traits as : selfish ,cold hearted , nasty , b*tchy, manipulative, cold and jealous of anyone and everything . She has changed beyond all recognition , this is my story .My eldest sister (Caroline ) when she was younger over came a speech problem which im proud of her. During her early teens she used to spend a lot of time with me cinema and generally going out . However there’s always been underlying jealous of my other sister (Samantha) . Samantha from a young age demonstrated great talent in signing and dancing and her , Carol and myself went dancing for years we have all been brought up the same by our parents and had the same opportunities . In Caroline’s early teens she overcame her speech problem but has and still has a complex over it which is understandable but now she’s got over it she uses it as an excuse not to get on in life. One example was that so much money was wasted on courses for her that my Nan had forked out and she didn’t even bother studying so in total about £300 was wasted and the thing is Nan would never help me out as Caroline is ‘the chosen one’ despite all the things I do for my Nan I always come last . I think half the problems in the family have been caused by my grandmother - stirring things and also giving Caroline a warped perception of how our family function from an early age created so much friction and it still does . Basically given her the belief that people treat her different and that Samantha is the spoilt one !. Caroline’s personality changed she became selfish , argumentative and just hard to live with sometimes . What angers me the most is that I go out my way to help others and yet when I need help she just ignores me . Everything is left to me to sort out and other peoples problems become mine and its so draining that’s why by the age of 17 I felt so tired and stressed out and tired with life ! . Caroline also got in with a wrong crowd of friends which resulted in another change of personality . The ones who are just users basically we tried to warn her and we just - we were once so close and then she just dumped me ! When her friends used her she came crying to use and we got shouted at and guess what we were right !. She redeveloped a taste for life without responsibility sponging off my parents and out all the time coming home in the early hours of the morning waking everyone up and causing arguments. Caroline was out of work for three years sponging off my mother and promising to do little jobs around the house did she do them No of course not but she took mums money . Then she went to college when she was older and the course fees my parents paid a couple of thousand and she packed that in because she couldn’t be bothered to work . She didn’t like to hear the truth and she was often violent towards me , my sister and my mother. Despite this Caroline still remains Nan’s little Snow White when in reality she’s a mousse !.When she got a job there was a period where she got into debt who bailed her out my parents . She’s had three cars out of them (one of which she smashed up on the night we her new car arrived) then when this car failed she demanded mum buy her a new one this was when I was 18 and I needed a car and the money my mother saved for me went on getting her out of debt .. Anyway I got my car in the end as I had to travel about 12 miles each day to college .Another point that upset me it took her five tests to pass I brought her presents /gifts and cards each one . When I took my first test she was so nasty and couldn’t be bothered to get me a card and when I brought it up with her in convocation she said ‘I hope you bloody fail’ I was upset as a result I failed because of anxiety caused by her and her arguing with me several hours before the test also it doesn’t help having an anxiety disorder and sometimes I get panic attacks triggered off due to stress . She also ruined my 18th brought me a £2 watch and caused no end of arguments and that was supposed to be my special day . This is where I come to the major problems in my story - her so called boyfriends The first one she went out with was when I was eight years old (there’s about 9 years between my age and my sisters age ) I remember that one even punched me in the stomach when I was 8 years old and shouted abuse at me and dragged me around like a toy doll shopping and she said nothing my parents even asked me what the marks where from a happy point was that the relationship fizzled itself out after 3 weeks as the so called boyfriend was only after one thing and he was scum . Her next boyfriend she went out with was a couple of years ago when I was about 15 . His name was Tim he used to be in an awful rock band and was a bit deluded that he would make it into the music industry without any music background or knowledge . He was also really odd - kept dyeing his hair different colours (at one point it was even in a pink Mohican then it went green) and I am not being nasty but Caroline could have done better and like he was ok I mean he was always nice to peoples faces . Nan used to think finally she’s met prince charming But then after two years I found out devastating news on why they broke up . His friend persuaded him to cheat on my sister and as a result got two girls pregnant and he turned out to be a right nasty piece of work . Caroline unable to tell us wrote it all on the internet and so one day I discovered it and of course I felt sorry for her but took it on myself to tell my family as we wanted to help and understand her and also I didn’t want it on my conscience . I felt so sorry for her but at the time I had my own secret problems ( I was being bullied and sexually abused at school by another male student since I was thirteen years old and as always my problems got ignored by my family) - one member of my family even said ‘ what’s the problem you could be going out with a footballer which upset me but looking back I don’t think that family member realised how upsetting it was for me and didn’t mean it but it was too late the damage had been done .I mean I was even self harming and was in a state of deep depression I used to sit on the stairs crying about the way things were I still cry sometimes . (I ended up doing nothing about it the person got away with it and turned everyone against me at school and yet im the innocent one but I don’t care anymore I have my whole life ahead of me and im going to get somewhere . When it came out about Caroline’s last boyfriend she accused my mother of not being there for her . The thing is how can you be there for your children when you don’t know what is going on. My mother has always been there for us …. She’s treated us no different and I am so glad I have her as a mum . Caroline became argumentative and also had violent outburst and always picked fights and arguments . Well Caroline spent two years searching for ‘ a boyfriend ‘. Well the next and current boyfriends is a total idiot . When I first met Jack he came out with some nasty statements like ‘your mums a psycho’ and your sisters going to get your nans house - sick things like this and so early on I thought he was a gold digger and that’s all he cares about money my sister is heading for a fall I have tried to tell her and she wont listen Jack is one of these people that think his better than everyone else he went to a good school and so he always has an opinion on things if he put up an argument that the sky is blue you would have to agree . He is also so cold ,nasty and arrogant he has widened the rift between my sister and the rest of the family . Underlying issue : Melinda could do so much better possible gold digger . He criticises everyone and everything when he has no right to he slaggs s of my family when we have been good to him . On one occasion I was walking home from gym at college (in my sports gear vest top and a cardigan) I called Caroline to pick me up and she said ‘piss of im with Jack and put the phone down and wouldn’t pick up . Then something horrific nearly happened - basically this 30 year old man kept following me . Then he made a convocation about me and said odd things like I want to know what its like for my feet to be in your shoes ‘ and other things and wouldn’t leave me alone until I gave him my address. I thought he was trying to be friendly then he grabbed me and wouldn’t let go of me squeezing me so tight and saying all these odd things . He finally disappeared then reappeared with his car following me asking me to get in the car . I wouldn’t and I ran as fast as I can, I was lucky I was near an old school friends house and they let me in… I was so shocked and upset and I felt sick and upset and I told Caroline and she didn’t care.Jack has also conned me out of money . He sold one of my items put (I was aware of this I agreed to it to get some money) and put the money direct into his bank account and when I asked for it I got a wave of verbal abuse and I wanted him to produce a receipt which he didn’t anyways I looked up where he sold my phone on the internet he had claimed a £25 gift voucher and gave me about £7 for my old phone - I was so angry and upset Then I always end up paying for them to come swimming and the car park . And I don’t work as im currently between colleges and then the nest day Jack slaggs me and my mother off . Jack slags me off in front of Caroline all the time - she never sticks up for me . Then they were into going out on little bike rides and Caroline ‘borrowed my bike’ for him and when he slagged me off I said I wanted it back (id rather it go on a scrap heap then give it to him) he threatened me that he will take me to court and yet it was my property , Then the other night I was in pain and had found a lump on my chest I thought the worst and rang up my sister (Caroline) to hel0p take me to hospital she said drive over to hers then when I arrived she had a go at me I was so upset and he was going to stop me going to A+E (bearing in mind I almost collapsed earlier on in the day . Anyway Caroline refused to drive me there made me drive my car and was so rude to me and doctors . Well it turned out the lump wasn’t serious but they had discovered another health problem which I need an operation for . Caroline couldn’t even be bothered to phone me to see how I was then she caused an argument between me and my Nan . (and yet to think we used to be a really close brother and sister and I have got to the point I don’t want to know her anymore (exactly like my other sister had done ) . I really cant afford to get involved anymore its draining and its going to interfere with my chances of success at my new college ,With reference to my grandmother I have always came last . Yet I cut her lawn , take her shopping and do everything for her what does Caroline do nothing . Then in this argument I had with her and my grandmother she had a go at me and never told my sister off instead blamed me for everything and makes out im the bad one - which I am not . I just felt so hurt and then unknown to them I went back to get my glasses and my Nan said how she no longer cares about me and that she hopes something goes wrong with the scan (I was having the next morning) . Then she stirs things causes yet more conflict and Im the one who cares for Nan and Caroline just angers me …….I just feel so upset I have had a series of unpleasant events in my life . Now I feel I should take a leaf out of Samantha’s book and just cut myself off completely from Caroline. I have my life and she has hers - she’s made things this way ., I apologise if my problem is so long its just there’s so many factors to it …… any helpful advice would be very much appreciated.
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broke up, bullied, debt, grandmother, jealous, money, period, the internet, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Don't just stop talking to her unless you have tried! My advice here is "Be the Sister You Wish You Had". Keep her secrets. Don't talk about her in public groups unless you are saying positive things. Push through hard times. Always be there. When you tell her a private secret, she won't talk, because you keep her secrets. She won't badmouth about you in public, because she knows you don't. If you try to help her through these rough times, like trying to get her help or getting her to talk to somebody about what she's going through, it may seem like she hates you, she may feel you have betrayed her. Push away the storm clouds so when your sick, she'll be there with a bowl of chicken soup. You can help clear up your sisters life, and get rewards as well!
~LoveWiz
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