A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi can anyone help me? Im in a polyamory relationship, but my one partner is driving me to dispair. He thinks that because i were with him 1st he should take priority over my other lover. His jelousy is pushing us apart not bringing us closer. I love them both, an he knows this, but he is the sort that sulks when he dont get his own way.I have tried talking, but its getting me no where. He is always concerned about what my other lover is getting an not what we could be doing.Both my lovers know each other, an the once my jelous lover walked in just as my other lover were getting changed, an he has worried ever since cuss my other lover is bigger than he is in penis size. He says stupid things like i want my other lover more cuss he is bigger than him. I've tried telling him that, thats rubbish, but it just falls on deaf ears.How can i get him to talk to me before he gets jelous an tell me more of what he wants instead of worrying what i'm doing with my other lover?I would be greatfull of any helpfull suggestions.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, in answer to devil spawn (lol strange name cosidering i go againt as you say all you belive in tbh)......in my opinion why write in to things that goes against all you belive, that to me makes no sense?
anyway to the rest of you that are intrested, were all still doing ok. Everyone now knows, an although some of them dont agree with what were doing, they at least no.
well thats all for now......i will as always update you all as things move along......
thanks everyone.....xx
A
male
reader, Devil Spawn  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 I dont really want to know anymore, I wish you all the best but I think I am going to stop reading your posts, they are against EVERYTHING that I hold dear to me....and to be honest or as you say tbh, your posts really sadden and sicken me... I think most people on here are on the same page as me.
Good luck but you shant be speaking or hearing from me again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone,
the update I promised you all......
we had the scan done today.....I am only 9wks so as you all might guess there wasn't a lot to see on it. I got some pics aswell as a keep sake.
Seen as how it were just a dating scan we wasn't there long.
I have another scan booked for the end of November so we will be able to know more then but for now everything looks fine an we,ve been told that the baby is moving loads so the pic were took in a bit of a rush to make sure it were done befor the baby moved again......
if you got anything you'd like to ask me or my cousin then please feel free an we will do our best to get back to you all asap.....
thanks everyone.....xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi every1 just an update......
lol...yh the man that calls himself Terry is my cousin....
tbh my husband an i have been up an down the past few days, but i think i know wat it is.......i think its the scan of the baby playing on his mind? he as sed that he will go an leave us to it, but when i aint replied he as stayed......I dont think he really wants to go tbh.....I think he says it to see what I will say?......
my husband an my cousin still do a lot 2getha an apart from the past few days things have been fine......
my cousins mom is giving him cause for concern.....when the baby is born i intend to brestfeed, but if his mom wont have me in the house how will she see the baby?.....I cant express, well i say cant.....i couldnt with my last one. even though there were plenty of milk when the baby suckled from me, it just wouldnt come out in the pump......
as regards the name terry for the baby well tbh i dont think it will be.....i'm not that keen on it if i'm honest?.....I like unusual names myself so if anyones got any ideas that would be helpfull?
I will update you all once i've had the scan 2moro.....thanks every1......xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): I am the other partner in this realationship. u will have to excuss my spellin an grammer tho. i am not goin to tell u my real name but u all can call me Terry (the name i wanna name the baby if its a boy)...My girlfriend will post in a bit an confirm that i am me.My views on this is that if her husband didnt love her he wudnt be here...an tbh if he left i wud miss him gr8ly...the kids love me as muuch as i love thm so i wud be a shok on all parts...my g/f is rght tho, we do get on good. but l8ly her husband is startin to be sarcastic towards my g/f and has even told us that he is leaving, he has sed this now 3 times, bbut stll stayed so i think well i no he does lobbe her.i am looking forard to this baby coming but deep down i hope its a boy cuz i think that a boy wud be easyer an i av always wanted a son, no now mind but now its happened im as happy as larry...my main consern atm is my g/f an husband tho as they av been arguing over silly things for 4-5 days now...i have told my g/f to talk to him an c whats up...whether she does is up to her, but she shud do. so anyfin ya can say on that matter wud be helpful.and also what do i do about my mom not leting my g/f in her house i cant say yes she is comin in cuz its my moms house an i dont want to disrespect her or her home...i phone my mom every morning an niht so see shes ok an go down an c her once a week to make sure....call me a mommys boy if u wish but i love my mom she has done alot for me an i am gr8ful for it...Look forward to hearing from ya, goodnight all...Terry
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi DiovanLestat, i went the dr on monday an got on ok. i had to have my urine checked as they had found protine in it on friday. it tested ok an they sed it were just a trace an not to worry cuss wen ya pregnant you often get it. i now have my date for my 1st scan, its the 03/09/08. i will let you know how i get on.his sister is comin round slowly. she sed she now accepts the fact that shes gonna be an aunt, but she sed she will neva be a proper aunt as were a cousin couple. the problem being his sister is my cousin, so the way she sees it is she will be an aunt an a cousin. the way i see it tbh is that she will be an aunt as its still her brothers child. im still not allowed in my aunts house atm. (any ideas on that wud be great) i were thinking weather its a gud idea for my cousin to ask if i can talk to his mom so i can explain just how much i feel for him. hopefully this will help put her mind at rest, idk tbh, but as i sed at least everyone knows. give them time to get used to the idea i'm sure they'll cum round, after all they have accepted were a couple so were half way there i spoze. anyway everyone, any questions feel free to ask an i will do my best to answer them as honest as possible.....i will update you all as there is more to tell.thanks for ya time DiovanLestat, a pleasure as always.....best wishes to you all xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Hi Missy, thanks for the update, me and you have been talking for a long time, and you know that I've always had my doubts about everything. The fact that your young guy is still with you, the fact that your husband is still here, now your pregnant, and you've got the family at least to listen, without trying to stone you or shoot you dead... I don't know what to say... I'm speechless missy... You've created your world, and for the moment it's working out, better than me, or anybody else could have expected. I hoping for the health of your baby/babies, and please babes, keep in touch.. Your situation is one in a million, and everytime I hear from you, well it astounds, that's all I can say....lol
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reader, Devil Spawn +, writes (19 August 2008):
im with deema....this whole thing is just very messed up!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi Deema my annoyance with you is due more to the fact that ya judged me wiv out knowing me. if you cant help someone then you shouldn't write in. ppl are called an agony aunt because they want your help, not you slateing them as a person when like i sed you dont know them.
anyway in regards to my situation, just an update, i went the drs on friday an were told that because of my size i cud be anything up2 12wks or it cud be a multiple pregnancy. i have another appointment for monday so i will let you all know wats wat then.
were pleased now everyone knows, an tbh it went better than either of us suspected. the only one who threw a hissing fit were his sister, but we expected that anyway so that were no great suprise. but at least now my kids know i can at least put my arm round him during the day an not worry wat they might be thinking. our moms know, his sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends and his nephew.
anyway thanks everyone else for your helpfull comments, i will update you all as i know more.
best wishes .......xx
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (17 August 2008):
 For the Moderator - Don't think I was rude in any way, just gave my honest opinion. Knew the reaction would come though and thats why I said I won't say any more. And I won't. Best wishes to all involved, its not my life anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question[first part of this followup censored by moderator. Let's just say that Deema's comments didn't go down too well and that the original poster isn't too happy with what she said. Be nice now, everyone. Thanks. Moderator.]now DiovanLestat thankyou for your questions, i will try my best to answer them all as honestly as i can.i know 100% that the child belongs to my cousin because of the way each like my attention. my cousin likes intercorse the best but my husband these past few months as only liked it a certain way an that dont involve penetration. my husband felt a bit left out wen he 1st knew but he did say congratulations to my cousin on his 1st child. I told the children yday an tbh they took it really well. my youngest sed he were excited, the other one walked in after i had told her an kissed my cousin saying congratulations. my oldest though he sed he wasnt happy bout it he sed that it were our bussiness an he will love the child just as much, my other child is only a baby so knows no different.i also told my mom yday an tbh she took it really well telling me that it were our bussiness an no one elses. my cousin told his mom today an she asked him if he were happy, wen he replied yes my aunt sed well as long as your happy its your life an i will have as much to do with the child as i possibly can?an yes i have booked an appointment with my GP for tomoro. they will keep a close eye on me anyway because i suffer with epilepsy so i will av more scans than norm to make sure all is well (i ad loads with my other pregnancies aswell) so as soon as i know whats what i will let you all know. an no in answer to wat you were wondering my husband sed he wants to still stay together. weather that lasts or not idk tbh so we'll all have to see (i will keep you all informed)well thats all for now, i will update you all soon i promise.....thanks for asking bout me DiovanLestat an best wishes to you an yours, i will let you know aw i get on with my 1st scan wen i get it.thanks an best wishes...xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): Hi Missy,
Long time no hear, I've been thinking about you lately and how your getting on. So your pregnant, well you've never lied, you told us that this is what you wanted. How do you know it belongs to your cousin, have you been neglecting your husband and not giving him sex... As you know, it's not illegal to have sex with your cousin, but there may be problems with the baby because your genetically so close. Contact your doctor as soon as you can, your gonna need support and help, if the baby/babies come out disabled.
I love children, but sorry babes, I can't really celebrate this one. I hoped you'd wait at least a year, but I know you have contraceptive problems and this would probably happen. It's not good, it's not good at all. Your husband is angry, what did he say. He's been really great about this, but a child might be the last straw. You need to get a DNA test once the baby is born, we need to know who your pregnant for. Please keep the father a secret, in a three-way marriage, it's best that nobody knows who the kids belong to, because it breeds jealousy.
Anyway, thanks for the update. I've been thinking about you all. When you get the time, I'd be real interested to find out what your husband said. He might run off and take away your other kids, your baby might be disabled.. I'm sorry to bring doom and gloom, especially since your so happy, but there are so many things that could still go wrong.
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reader, Deema +, writes (14 August 2008):
Hate to be the party pooper here, but I feel so sorry for your husband. How would you think he feels now? You two have something to share that he is totally not involved in. I hate to say it, but I think its really selfish of you. You want your cake and eat it and up till now you got it. I just hope your husband has enough self esteeem to get out now before he gets his nose rubbed in any further. Don't reply. I'm not in it for the argument. I'm not gonna say any more. But this is exactly what I thought would happen. I knew he would be the loser. Selfish girl.
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 congrats on the baby!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi everyone,
just wanted to give you all an update. were all going great at the minute. we've got a lot to work out over the nxt few wks/months because a wk ago i found out i were pregnant. by my dates i'm 6wk but to be honest i look a lot bigger, so its either one of three things.....
1/ a big baby
2/ i'm more wks than i think....or
3/ it's twins
i'm 100% sure that the baby belongs to my cousin. i have told my husband about the baby an as you might guess he wasnt best pleased but tbh i am. im looking forward to having the baby an i think my cousin is aswell? he as got to tell his mom yet an i've gotta tell mine, so that should be fun an games. my cousin as asked me loads of questions about the baby an as even mentioned a few names that he likes.
its ovious now that ppl will have to find out, because of the baby. my cousin as sed that he will be there for me an will never walk out. im looking forward to being the mother of his baby.
once i've had my 1st scan, i will let you all no my due date an if its only one baby or two.
thankyou all for your help an support an pls do ask me questions if you dont understand something or want to know more.......xx
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (27 June 2008):
Well hope it lasts. Your hsuband is being magnanimous in accepting the situation. I hope he gets the reward he deserves for that and I hope when the babies start to arrive he can cope with that too. I hope you all continue to grow as people for that can only be for the good of everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Now that's just wicked you Oldfool. Missy ignore him, don't get out the tape measure and start to judge, that will make the men feel inadequate....LOL....As long as it works and makes you feel good, then size is unimportant.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Glad to see it is working out. The human race is a strange thing. The green monster is such a deep-rooted thing for most of us that it's hard to understand that other arrangements (polygamy, polyandry, polyamory) can actually be accepted by all participants. For many men, knowing that "his woman" is happily enjoying sexual intercourse (let alone love and children!) with another man is hard to accept, and yet here we have anonymous successfully negotiating this emotional minefield. I guess human morality isn't set in stone.
Perhaps it was merely the penis size thing that was upsetting the balance. If one partner feels in an inferior position, it will upset the emotional balance that allows all parties to accept the situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Hi Missy,
Thanks for the update, I've been thinking of you lately and wondering how eveything was going. Glad to see that all three of you and the kids are happy. Your doing real well by talking things over and taking things slow. I'm glad for you. Now don't forget us all, we want to hear all the good and the bad. There are many people in your situation and they're probably getting a lot of strength from knowing even though it's difficult, polyandry can sometimes work very well for all the parties involved. Take care of you, good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi every1,just an update really for you all. my life atm couldn't be happier (no we haven't told no one yet) my lover is enjoying living with me an as now told his mom that he as moved out from hers an in with us, he as also changed his address with every one that needs to know an we have told ppl aswell that he now lives with us. my husband is loads happier, an now talks to me about things he would like us 2do together, an talks freely to me an my lover about what we all like an diss-like. they even compare stories some times lol which can be kind of embarresing tbh but they seem to like it? me an my cousin have started bein more familer round each other infront of the children to see what reaction we got, an they all took no notice. i still dont kiss my cousin infront of the children, but we have started play fighting which is quite nice cuss it gives him chance to hold my hands (like men do when you play lol) an i will also stand by him with my arm round him aswell, an the children are fine with that so far.he as told me that he is sure that he wants to spend his life with me, an in a few yrs would like to start a family, i were so happy at this news i felt like crying with happyness! my husband an cousin still do loads together, jobs round the house, seeing to the car, an doing the garden.i love them both so much, an i feel so lucky to have them both, an 4 wonderfull children that i count my blessings every day. thankyou so much to every1 of you that gave me advice to take things slowly it did pay off in the end. an thankyou to every1 that supported me an didnt judge me in any way, as i found out its a true saying you cant help who you fall in love with.i will update every1 as things move along more.....thankyou, an god bless you all....xx
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I'd still like to be that fly on the wall.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhiya Deema & DiovanLestat,
no not in a way its not an option.....my husband has told me that he loves me an that he would like this relationship to work......he understands that its going to be hard work an that we will all need to work hard at it to make it work, but he thinks its worth it.....
so thanks to all of you who have left me advice to talk to them both, its finaly worked.....i now feel a little more confident in the way that we are.....they both love me what more could i ask for?.....an i love them.....
but tbh if no one minds i will still give you all updates now an then to let you know how things are working out between us all an if were still making a go of it, an at what stage we are all at in our relationship....?.....oh an also i will let you all know when we decide to tell everyone an what reaction we get.....
thanks again everyone......xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Thanks Deema,
What about it missy, is this an option that you could take, or is this polyandy this really feasible and could just work? What about your husband, how does he feel about the whole thing, have you asked him how he feels? What does he want?
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reader, Deema +, writes (5 June 2008):
I think you love your husband but your not in love with him. Happens all the time. He knows that. If we can see the fascination with the new man - then believe it - so can he, thats why he's so insecure. If it were equal feelings he wouldn't be so bothered maybe. So maybe your time together has come to an end. I wouldn't love a man just cus he fathered my children - anyone could do that, doesn't mean it makes you love them. Let him go hun. Set him free. Put him out of his misery. You'd be doing him a favour. You can't have your cake and eat it. You just can't. Make the decision and do the kindest thing. He may not think so in the first place, but when HE finds himself a new lady love, he will thank you. I'm saying no more on the subject. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi Deema & DiovanLestat,
Thanks for your postings an yes you raise a good point, i have got a bit side tracked on this site with my lover i suppose?
I love my husband (corse i do) his the father of my children. I just dont love him in the same way as i love my lover. (let me try an explain) i have always loved my husband, but it were never the sort of love that made my heart skip a beat when he were near me. When im with my lover, i feel really alive! I cant explain how he makes me feel, my heart skips a beat when he is near me, an when he touches me i feel like a million dollers, like were the only 2 ppl in the world. (there were only one other man that made me feel anything like that, an that were someone i went out with when i were 16)
an btw "eyeswideopen" that made me lol what you put, yes i agree it is going to be very intresting when we have to tell family an tbh niether of the 3 of us are looking forward to it, but it will have to be done at some time or other. It will cause a lot of bitchin no doubt? tbh though with my lover (cousin) living with me now though at least he wont have to put up with his mom going on at him, or anyone else that normaly goes to his moms.
i will worry about that though when the time comes? i would walk over hot coals for my lover, thats how much i love him an family will just have to get used to it. If family are funny about it then they will just have to come round or lose us both (ie me an my cousin) the reason i said they would lose us both is were the same family an he said that if need be he will choose me over them, as he said they will speak to us eventualy?
well i think i've answered everyone that asked me something? please do ask if there is anything else anyone would like to know an i will do my best to give you as honest answer as possible.....
thanks everyone......
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 June 2008):
I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you tell the parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and whoever else has to know. Boy howdy that will be interesting.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Thanks Deema, I think Oldfool said something similar, and this takes us back to the point of the original post.
How about it missy, we know you love your lover, but what about your husband, how come you want to stay with him, is it because of the kids, or something else?
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reader, Deema +, writes (3 June 2008):
Really don't want to get into this one any more - wow you lot are really knocking spots off each other, its so fascinating how a subject raises so many issues, but then thats what good debate does - but just have to add something here. In every message you reply in you mainly speak about the new man in the group. You seem so happy he has come along, he seems to be the centre of your attention. What about your husband? Has he outworn the fascination you have with the new guy? If so, why not just let him go to find someone else? Why prolong his agony? No slanging matches please, just my thoughts that I couldn't resist adding :)))))) x
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reader, Wisdom +, writes (3 June 2008):
 LOL, no no my dear, Averal has been smacked too. I told her in a PM that she was being very naughty and I asked her to think before replying ... I just think she is as passionate as you are my dear, Makes for facinating reading.
Not being caught out, just a case of two passionate people getting the wrong end of each others stick...
Glad to see you worked it all out.
Thanks for the info you sent, cleared lots up.
Cheers
Wisdom
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reader, oldfool +, writes (3 June 2008):
Before you start getting the children ready for it, you've got to get your husband's problem sorted out.
I would be interested to know what your husband was thinking deep down when he originally suggested this arrangement. His original feelings and motivations seem to be the key to understanding what is bugging him now. You say he wanted to make it "official". Maybe he thought bringing the cousin in was the only way to keep you? Is it turning out in a way that he didn't expect? Are his feelings different from what he thought they would be? Was he expecting threesomes to spice up the relationship, was he turned on by the possibility of another man with his wife? Was he ready for the idea of his wife in one bed one night, in another the next? Does he feel you're lavishing too much attention on the new lover, leaving him out in the cold? There are just so many questions that pop up. To be honest, I can just see the symptoms here. I can't even begin to fathom your husband's true feelings and motivations.
He sounds like a special kind of man to be able to accept this arrangement in the first place. I think it's really important to get to the bottom of his feelings on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): Oh stuff and bother.... caught red handed. Now I got to go to principles office....
(face red with shame, hands behind back, dragging feet.....)
I didn't start it Aevel did, she said stuff first, but I joined in.. didn't mean to... got carried away...
How come I always get the blame (sobs sorrowfully into tissue) I want my mummy.......
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reader, Wisdom +, writes (3 June 2008):
Well this post has cused some mixed strong emotions.
Lady, I suggest you think really really long and hard about what you are doing, the concequences could be catastrophic.
DiovanLestat + Aevel.
Ouch much?
1) Aevel, let it go sweetheart. Its totally against everything we believe and stand by (morally and ethically as you put it) however it may not be for her....strange as it is for us.
2) DiovanLestat really glad you said sorry there. Was about to let rip myself. I would like to know your views on this poster personally not in the public forum, I find it very intersesting that you defend her. (Not having a crack at you just really curious as too how two views can be so differnet on the same subject) would you mind if I PM you later?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi DiovanLestat,i hear the concern you have for the children, an yes we will be taking things slowly. As my lover were always at mine anyway, it just made sense that he moved in. i do want my lover to father a child of mine, but not yet. I want us to enjoy being together 1st. i want him to be sure i'm the woman for him? i no i want to be with him, its just that im fed up of hearing off ppl how he wont stay with me an he cant be serious about me cuss he is too young!!i love him, an he also says to me "i love you so much" so tbh i think we feel the same about each other, but only time will tell?once my children know we will have to tell the rest of the family aswell were together an thats something else im not looking forward to an niether is he. we'll have to tell, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins an who ever else will need to know?well anyway for now everything is going great, an my lover is visiting his mom once a week to see how she is? As things develope further i will give everyone an update, or i will reply back to anyone that asks me a question aswell.thanks for your help everyone....xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): Hi missy,
I agree about the concern you have for the children, but what I can't understand is what's the hurry. Why can't you wait. Why be so open about it, so quickly. Wouldn't it be better to ease them into this. I was thinking that you should wait at least a year before you suggest the idea of intimate relations between you and your lover, and it should be done with your lover and husband present.
Also you should pop along to your local family planning clinic and discuss the issue of contraception, and the likelyhood of genetic malformation. Good luck to you.
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female
reader, Aeval +, writes (2 June 2008):
 DiovanLestat,
I accept your apology and I offer my own apology for stating that an English Law is outdated, I am glad we had a chance to chat, I understand your protectiveness of your countrymen /women as I feel the same way on my own.
I admire your spirit!
Cheers
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Sorry Aeval,
I woke up this morning and thought about my harsh words. I know we both feel passionate about this situation but there was no cause for me to be so rude and offend your country and your countrymen. Please accept my appologies given to you and all Australians arround the world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear "DiovanLestat" thankyou so much for your support and understanding, that means a lot to me it really does.
like i sed for the minute were all getting on ok. we are now considering, getting closer infront of the kids, just to see wat sort of reception we get. what i mean is just playin a bit more, like gettin my lover to slap my bum, or pull me on his lap, (which atm he dont do while the kids are around) this wud just see wat the kids thought about this sort of closeness, cuss the last thing all 3 of us wanna do is hurt the children, so they will need to be handled with kid gloves as they say while they find out carefully an gently.....
any suggestions as to how we can tell the children, i would be really greatfull of, i dont want to rush anything, i'm just seeking advice for when the time is right.....
Thanks to everyone who as helped me get this far, an special thanks to "DiovanLestat" god bless you xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Perhaps to understand your husband's perspective, you should consider how you'd feel if he were to pick up a younger, prettier partner than you. If it doesn't bother you and you really would like to limit his dependency on you, why not invite him and your cousin to pick up another female partner as well? Fair's fair-- if you can have two men, your male partners should be allowed to have two women.
If you don't like the thought of this, then you really need to think more about whether you're being considerate to either of your lovers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Aeval, you are entitled to your opinion of this ladies situation, but you are not entitled to slander and dismiss the laws of the country that me and this lady live under.
You don't approve, you don't care about our laws and values, then stick closely to answereing questions only from people that think like you and live where you live.
You don't care about our laws, good. Then stick to giving advice to your own countrymen and stop looking down on the rest of us, you backwater, ignorant child of a convict evicted from the UK as subhuman. (Sorry, but you got me angry - I can offend just as easily as you.)
Hi miss,
Sorry things are difficult for you, but I did say that polyamory relationships are very difficult to pull off and needed the consent and total acceptance of all three partners. A good suggestion (from anonymous reader & HonningKanin)is to try to lavish more attention on your husband, because he may be feeling left out and rejected.
But to be honest, I think that your husband loves you and wants to keep you, so he has agreed to this thing to make you happy. He can't stand it and is now regretting his decision. This is his right. I believe he only agreed because he knew how strong your feelings were for your lover, and he didn't want to loose you.
I don't know what you are going to do next. A three way relationship, needs three happy, healthy people to get it to work. If this is not the case then you will really need to make the hard decision about who you want to be with and who will make you happy and support you. Good luck to you, I'm really hoping that things can work out and you can find some peace and happiness in this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAeval, how dare you judge me!!! People like you should stay off the postings!!
My Husband and my Cousin have been getting on great, they do go every where 2gether. They do, do jobs around the house 2gether...ie....they have done electrical jobs an gardening together aswell...
The only thing that i were on bout causing the hurt feelings is when my husband knows im alone with my cousin!! Other to that they are always together an there is no seperating them just lately, so tbh you could say that my problems are more or less sorted, they have become the friends that i wanted them to be.
thanks to those of you that have been helpfull in my situation, an as for the rest of you, you should learn to get an open mind, about the sort of stuff that goes on in the world around you.
thanks everyone.....
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female
reader, Aeval +, writes (30 May 2008):
Anon
This will be my last post to you as I am sick of your disgusting drivel. There are many other people out there with genuine problems. I am starting to think this entire post was a wind up anyway. For the record I don't have to google the word "polyamory","polygamy", "Polyandry", or "Polygyny". I hope you at least understand the difference.
I think what you are doing is wrong and immoral. I do not care what Englands outdated law states... The fact you have sex with a family member is morally and ethically wrong and you should seek professional help before you damage yourself and others.
You said "My cousin as also talked about us having kids in the future so he must want to stay with me"..... Honestly he is 21. Only just a young man, you should be ashamed... you sound like a 10 year old girl "oh if he wants babies then he loves me..... right?" Grow up.
I do not have to nor will I justify my relationship (Must be a strange one for you to understand anyway..as he and I are not blood relatives).
AGAIN YOU DONT BLOODY READ, I NEVER ACCUSED YOU OF BEING WITH YOUR COUSIN FOR HIS PENIS SIZE!!
Oh and final thing, If you are English then its Mum, not Mom that is American.
Now I am done talking with you, I wish you luck and I hope you figure things out.
Goodbye.
Mephistophiles... ROFWL....How funny are you? That was pure gold. I am still laughing now. You have my total support on this one!
Keep up the good work.
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reader, HonningKanin +, writes (29 May 2008):
Hello, There is a very good reason why polyandry and polygyny dont work out so well and this is because we as humans are greedy by nature. You are expressing your greed by having two partners while your husband is expressing his greed by wanting more time with you and your cousin for being with his married cousin. This is not a dig at you this is just showing you how the greed circle is at the moment.Eventually your husband or cousin will become so greedy they will not want to share anymore. They will just want more.Now I am not about to pass judgment on you. This decision was made amongst consenting adults and just because its something I wouldn't do, nor understand how you could do, I dont disbelieve you when you say you love both of them. I think you really do. Besides we see it all the time here on this advice forum all the time "I am inlove with both of them.. how can i chose" The difference only being you have and live with both but one of them is unhappy.Now advice on your unhappy spouse is probably you just need to spend more time with him. Alone time. Just you and him. Possibly maybe explain to your cousin how your husband is feeling. Maybe explain a vacation just between you and your husband might bring your husbands confidence back. If you do go on a vacation, try not to talk about your other partner. Just make him the center point of attention.If your cousin loves you as you say he should understand. Another possible idea is to get your husband and your cousin to bond with eachother. Seeing as they are now sorta partners in and amonst themselves there can really be no hostility between them otherwise this thing wont work. So they should go off and do things together instead of compeating for your attention they should be happy in their company.Your children are another matter. If you really are having problems right now I dont think its a good idea to tell them about this relationship right now. If things were more stable, possibly by all three of you setting them down and talking to them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, how dare you judge me "Aeval" you know nothing about me you cheeky mare!!! "GOOGLE___POLYAMORY"!!! For your information it were my husband that wanted this relationship an invited my cousin into this!! I truely love my cousin, an would do anything for him. I would lay down an give my life for him. It were nout to do with the size of his manhood!! I didnt no the size of him before we were in a relationship did I? After all it wasnt as if i said oh let me av a look how big you are 1st so i know if i wanna be involved or not!!!An for that matter while you "GOOGLE___POYAMORY" check the laws in england, like i did before i got involved with my cousin, they clearly state that incest is only with brothers/sisters, mom/dad, aunt/uncle, nan/grandad, but it mentions nothing about being with your cousin!!! We tried really hard not to allow our feelings to take over, but love is a strong thing, if you are as in love as much as you say you are with the man you are with then you will know that!!! I also love my husband, an he must love me loads to want me to have 2 men in my life!!So in future, before you act all self rightous, think about the question some one as posted asking for help an not what in your opinion is right or wrong. If you can't be helpfull to ppl then you shouldn't write in!! Also mephistophiles, i am "NOT" a sinner, like i said it aint against the law in England!!To everyone who as given me usefull help, an that have been kind enough to help me an not "BITCH" thankyou.....Will give you all an update soon.....
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reader, mephistophiles  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Anon,
I look forward to seeing soon. Sorry allow me to introduce myself, I am the antichrist, and I must say that incestuous little minx's such as yourself are excellent for keeping the fires of hell burning.
Please keep up the good work, as we need some more people like you down here.
Happing sinning to you all, and thank you for taking up the three for one offer.
Mephistophiles, aka Satan, aka Prince of Darkness
P.S. Just spoke to JC and he is not happy you traded your soul in for a 21 year old penis.
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female
reader, Aeval +, writes (29 May 2008):
" 2face ppl like you that know nothing about love!! "??? Lord give me strength.... How am I being 2 faced? I am not talking about you behind your back I am telling you straight up.
There are many people who think that what you are doing is morally and ethically wrong. You just do what you want. People like you do anyway and thats part of the reson we have such a screwed up world.
IF you loved this man you would not be selfish, you would set one of them free and commit your self to the other.
As for me not knowing about love, Honey I am with a man who is is wonderful I would do just about anything to make him happy, I love, trust and above all respect him.
Do not lecture me on love I am not the one having sex with a family member whilst my husband lives under the same roof!
You are the one who wants to post on this site, be prepared for many different reactions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, no i aint posted on here before.
this is just to give every1 an update. my husband asked my cousin to move in with us to make it official an he accepted, so i now have my lover living with me aswell. an as for the female reader "Aeval" then all i can say is you cant of ever bin in love or you would know that you cant help who you fall for!! if any1 ever feels as much love for you as my cousin does for me, then you will see how it feels, an know you have summit truely special!! in regards to the age diff, there are ppl out there with a bigger age gap than 14yrs tbh, an no doubt they too had 2face ppl like you that know nothing about love!! an it aint incest for your information, incest is when the relationship is closer ie...ya brother, mom, aunt, grandparent an so on.....its legal in england for you to marry ya cousin, it wouldnt be legal if it were classed as incest would it!!
anyway i just thought i would let every1 know wat were goin on in my life now, an where we were in our relationship......thanks every1 xx
so at the moment life is looking up for me
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female
reader, Aeval +, writes (28 May 2008):
Didn't you already post here not long ago? Talking about having your cousin's baby??
Sorry to be harsh but it's not going to work. You will loose your husband soon enough and then with time your cousin, I suggest you brace yourself for some harsh words as most of the world is anti incest in any shape or form and our countries and culture don't allow interbreeding.
Your cousin is a young man of 21. Maybe you should let him go, I know you say you love him and he loves you but he could find someone else and be happy. You already have a husband, maybe think about things, backtrack a little.. whats going to happen in 10 years when you are 45 (closer to 50) and this man is in his prime of 31????
Work on your relationship with your husband, you took your vows and he deserves at least some effort on your part after all this.
Good luck
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (27 May 2008):
Well you're giving me the answers love, so you know what you're doing, don't you? What more can we say? Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, well the polyamory relationship were my husbands idea not mine, (an i am 34 not 45!!) this relationship is complicated this is because (an no one is gonna like this an thats why i said nout in the 1st place, in my 1st posting) i have 4 kids an the 21 year old is my 1st cousin. The children have no idea whats going on an tbf it were also my husband that choose my other partner after he caught me kissing him. Neither one of them want to be with out me. My cousin never used to go out even when i wasnt with him! My cousin as also talked about us having kids in the future so he must want to stay with me? I love him, an he loves me, you cant help who you fall in love with, can you, an my husband wanted the situation, he also said that he hoped my cousin loved me an didnt just want me for sex!!? My husband acted relived when my cousin 1st said I LOVE YOU to me, because he knew then that my cousin thought something of me. Thanks for trying every1......
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (26 May 2008):
Oh boy, you really are asking a lot of no. 1 in that case. Poor bloke has been around for 30 years, and then suddenly you bring in a young buck, with a bigger dick and you obviously like that and he's expected to roll over and be happy? Come on love. How would you feel the other way round? Put yourself in his shoes. There you are, 45 years old, everything going south, and your husband brings in a young nubile 21 year old, with pert boobs and had no kids to mess up her lady garden - wouldn't you feel JUST a little insecure?????? PERLEEEEEASE. Let your husband go. He deserves a better life, or a rest in an old dogs home would be better than the torture he has now. As for the 21 year old being better? Well once you have him all to yourself you'll soon find out ............. but don't expect him to stay round once he gets bored and the kids start moaning, and the dog starts barking, and he needs his mates, and he wants more nights out, etc etc etc. I don't have to say any more. You get it already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Ah. This is why your 1rst partner feels you owe more attention to him. It is because he legaly is with you and his second partner isn't. Your husband obviously feels he is entitled to be Alpha and your second partner Beta as in the order of how they came into your life, but he obviously is uncomfortale with the setup.
You will need to speak to him. He obviously has agreed to this form of relationship to ad spice or fire that was otherwise lacking maybe? What ever the reason he is probably regretting the decision and probably just wants to go back just you and him and this is why he is doing your nut in. He is jealous and wants your other lover out of the picture. You may be jumping the gun a bit in chosing your younger lover. Your husband is acting irrational for the reason that he agreed to a relationship he wasn't really ready for. You may need to make him away of how you feel.
You will have to tell him how you feel about him about your relationship and ask him what it is he truely wants, because his current insecurities are driving you mad.
A good thing(Maybe)to also do is probably spend more romantic time with your 1rst partner. Lavish him with attention and just make him feel special. He will probably grow out of his insecurities if this relationship is what he wants. He just may be feeling attention depived because your other partner is new. Just like an only child would feel when a new baby is born. Lonely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): You husband is insecure because of all those things. He has good reason to be so insecure. You like No.2 more than him and he can sense this. The more fights you have the more unhappy and insecure he is becoming and the more unhappy and the more in-love with No.2 you are becoming. This is not going to work. You are taunting your husband. You are married to HIM TOO. You're being selfish by saying that he is ruining your life and upsetting you. You are making him unhappy too. Think about how he is feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, i hear what your sayin an yh i think in a way it will end up coming to that. i were with the 1st partner for 17yrs an the 2nd 5 months, but if i had to choose i would choose number 2, he is more caring an never demands anything of me. i have known partner 1 now for 30 yrs, (tbh i am married to partner 1 which is something i just realised i hadnt put in my 1st write in sorry every one)an partner 2 for 19.5 yrs so i have known them both a long while.
We all live in the same house which can make things complicated i spoze?
The sad thing is my husband of 17yrs will end up the loser if i have to choose between them. I love them both, but my husband is doing my head in tbh an making the house hold tense all the while. He says he loves me, but surely if he loved me he would work with me to make this work an not keep making my life a misery? Yes my husband is very insecure, but how can i help him not feel this way?
Partner number 2 has said that if im truely that unhappy that he would make a go of things with me on our own, with out my husband. Trouble is im thinking of taking him up on the offer?
This might help you understand my situation.....my husband is 45.....my lover is 21....an im 34....is my husband insecure because of hi age do you think?
Thanks in advance for trying to help everyone.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I really dont think that your 1rst lover is actually capable of being in the type of relationship you have with him at the minute. It is human nature, unfortunately, for people to get jealous and to be self-conscience. Especially around the people they love and care for. Jealousy is also a key factor in monogomous relationships failing.
The only real possible way for this to possibly to work with your 1rst and second partner is to have them both in the same room and talk to them about how you feel about eachother. Maybe then he will feel less hostile?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Look... You can't have your cake and eat it. Relationships were meant for 2 people, not 3 or more! This is why there is so much insecurity. I'm sorry to be harsh, but grow up, choose a lover and stick to them.
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (25 May 2008):
Doesn't sound as though this is working out too well does it? You have to be veeeeeeery secure in yourself to be able to cope with having a relationship where 3 or more people are involved. Doesn't sound like no l is that secure. So you have to question which is more important to you - having two men, one of which is unhappy and insecure, or having one man who is happy and secure. Problem is which one would that be? No l could be secure if he was the ONLY one, but hes not at the moment. Are you prepared to sacrifice no 2, or is that unthinkable? Maybe you can't have your cake and eat it. Maybe you have to settle for one of them, or maybe you can't. Onl;y you know that. Good luck.
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