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Pregnant after four months dating. How have others coped in a similar situation?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Health, Pregnancy, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 April 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *atnip writes:

I've been dating my boyfriend for four months now. We have known each other for about five years as we work together.

We have liked each for a couple of years but we were in relationships and had to deal with those first. I ended up splitting with my partner and he continued to work on his however last year he split with his wife.

We kept away from each other and I gave him space and to be honest I just decided it was never gonna happen and it was time to move on. We starting speaking over Xmas and decided to just spend time together and do nice things and take it slow.

Well it has been great we have got really close and we both feel positive about how things are progressing. Anyway I found out two days ago that I am pregnant which is a bit of a shocker.

We have been careful. He has been good about it and is ok. He says he will stand by me. I do trust him and I know he will support us. It is just a shock and happened quickly.

It's early days and obviously I am waiting to see that all is healthy etc. has anyone else been in a relationship and fallen pregnant after only a short time of dating .

I obviously want things to work out for us.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 April 2015):

How were you being careful if you got pregnant? You weren't using condoms or birth-control.

No one really has to be in your situation to figure out how to cope. It depends on your financial situation, if your relationship is truly committed, and if you both want to be parents. What's the plan if he doesn't want to be a father?

Like all relationships, you take it one day at a time. Have periodic discussions how you plan to raise your child together; and determine how committed he is to remaining in both your lives. Meaning, your baby and you.

He may only plan to co-parent, with no intention of marrying you. You may not have any desire to marry him. So I guess you both have to determine where the relationship is going, and take it from there.

You know the man pretty well; but you have to know how he honestly feels about your pregnancy. You may be left to raise your child as a single-mother; but it is important that he shares financial-responsibility for his child; even if things don't work-out for you as a couple. He should be willing to be an active part of the child's life, and try to be the best father he could ever be.

If adoption or termination is under consideration; I hope you're both on the same page about it.

The child is a blessing in any case. Everyone adapts to the situation based on their personalities, survival-skills, and determination to make things work. It is what it is.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015):

When you say you were 'careful' I assume this means you are not on the pill and just hoping by time of the month that you were not ovulating? or did a condom split? I am curious because a lot of people say they are careful when actually they want to become pregnant (men and women) - whether subconsciously or not. Perhaps this is not quite a shock in itself but a shock because you are only a few months into a relationship. I don't think there are any rules - you have a guy who will "stand by you" but hopefully is also over the moon at the idea of becoming a father? My cousin has just experienced a similar thing and she has had to build her relationship at the same time as being pregnant - so the fun and free side of getting to know someone and early dating has gone out the window. On the other hand they have something wonderful to look forward to and that is exciting in itself. It can work but obviously you will be under a lot more pressure to make it work - if you keep communicating with one another it should be good.

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