A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I am 22 years old and I have a boyfriend and we have been together for over 5 years, we have lived together for the past year or so and are both finishing up university (he's in a 5 year bachelor and I'm doing my master's). Lately (he says for 2 years, I haven't been keeping track) our intimate life has not been so good, and I feel it's mostly my fault. I am trying to find answers to make it better since I am afraid that he will leave me over this if I don't get it sorted out eventually.Firstly, he has always been faithful to me, as far as I know, but I have not always been to him. Two years ago he spent the better part of 6 months in the hospital and recovering from unfortunate illnesses and during that time I felt negelected and turned to someone else. Wow...writing that down sounds pretty terrible of me, but it's the truth. I spent a lot of time with another man that I had met in school and we fooled around a few times (kissing and stroking and such). This other man tried to get me to leave my boyfriend and be with him, but I never did leave him and the other man stopped contacting me after I wouldn't have sex with him.I am definately glad that I did not leave my boyfriend though since I can see now how much of an ass the other man was...or should I say boy?After this happened I found it a little difficult to look at my boyfriend in the same way and get aroused by him partly because I felt terrible about what I'd done and partly because I was afraid of hurting him by getting too rough while being intimate (because for the previous 6 months I could have injured him very easily). We weren't intimate very often afterwards because of these feelings I'd been having as well as the fact that we still lived with our parents. A year ago we moved in together and immediately afterwards, for a while afterwards, I was having pain every time that we did try to have sex and it felt like my muscles were tightening up and not letting him inside of me. It's been difficult for the entire time following to get back to the same amount and type of intimacy that we had before that fateful summer full of hospitals. He wants a lot more than I want and I just can't seem to get into the mood anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can help to satisfy him more?? Or rather how to get myself in the mood and get past all that has happened?Thank you in advanceP.S. Could it be anxiety? Could this have anything to do with being on birth control pills for 4 years?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 August 2009):
 I agree with Gina,
Guilt is eating you up right now and you are tense when it comes down to actually having sex. When you are tense sex rarely feels good. You two need to take some time and sit and talk. If you don't feel you can tell him about the gu you fooled around with then wait til you are, jsut understand that is is HOLDING you back.
Another thing you two might consider is making the time to "court" each other again. Give each other massages - get some nice oils, candles, the works. It can works as a long long foreplay which might help you relax and enjoy sex with him again.
The only thing holding you back from enjoying sex is you.
You CAN NOT blame your boyfriend for YOUR dumb actions. You will eventually have to own what you did.
Good luck,
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