A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 10 years. We have never had any real relationship issues until recently when I discovered he had gone out with a small group and kissed a girl. They exchanged numbers and for 3 weeks where flirting with each other by text. They did not meet up and it went no further than flirting and texting. I found out and he put an end to it. I agreed to deal with it and stay together. There were changes that we both needed to make and I recognised that I was not treating him and the relationship as I should have been. He states he felt we had some issues and that’s his reason for flirting with this woman. We have been getting on very very well and agreed we wanted to start a family together. However, the other day he left his phone bill out and I checked it. There were a huge amount of texts to a girl I know he works with (eg 30 in one night over a period of approx 4 months). I confronted him, he said they were friends. She has had trouble in her relationship getting pregnant and he said she confided in him about this etc etc.He says that’s all it was. The text have stopped approximately the same time he told the other woman. She is now pregnant and my partner states that’s why they are not texting as much. I do not think he has had anything further with the girl (I have asked her and she confirms this and states her partner knows about all the texts and knows about me, the stories add up so I don’t doubt this is true) the thing is I am upset as again I feel this was all kept from me. I never ever knew they were friends. I never knew he was telling her things about us and she was confiding in him. I feel stupid and left out. I never saw any texts, they were all deleted. He said he did this as I would kick off etc. I don’t know whethers it me and I am paranoid. This woman he works with gave me a real dressing down when I asked her why all the texts. I am thinking about whether I can continue this relationship – Can I have your advice please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Caring Guy - Can I just confirm that my partner was texting the work colleage and the other lady he kissed at the same time. He had been in contact with the work colleage since june maybe before. He started texting the other girl he kisssed at the start of September and stopped texting her at the end. I noticed the texts to the work colleage had almost faded away at the beginning of October. Since we have both agreed to change he has not texted either one. Do you think this makes a difference. He has not been texting anyone really since we agreed to change and he has been very opened and honest with me. I know he has nothing further to hide as he is being so open.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 November 2009):
I would say that that your partner is lookig for something else, but I don't know what. If he's texting another woman 30 times in one night, and kissing another,, something is wrong. I don't think it is you at all. And for him to then delete the texts and then say to you 'you would kick off' is very suspicious and callous of him. He went outm kissed another women and then ended it, only to text another women who 'had problems', yet you didn't see any of these texts. Surely if they were friendly texts there would have been nothing in them. So why not show them to you?
You know what I'm going to say, and that is that he just doesn't love you enough. If he did, he wouldn't have done this, especially after you put so much effort into changing. I think you know you can do better. How long until the next one comes along? You gave him a second chance and tried to change things, he failed by texting another women so much. Now you know who he really is. And you know that you can do better.
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