A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we have lived together for two. For the last year I feel as though we are more like roommates than anything. We don't talk because every time I try, he just gets offensive. We have only had sex twice in the last year. He says we have no time to do anything because we have a 13 month old and work different hours. If we do do something it is me who gets a sitter and makes the plans. If I want to go away, I take the kids, or we go as a family. He on the other hand says, I'm going fishing next for a week. So again, I stay home or arrange for my own babysitter so I can work, or have free time.I am tired. He is bringing me down. What can I do?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 I have to ask you this...did he want to have a child? He acts as if he is feeling resentful of being a father and family man. Was the child planned or an accident?
Also, I find it odd that he would only want sex with you those two times. Child or not...I can understand someone being tired, but this is not right.
There is not enough information here for me to guess further, such as a possible affair he is having, or if he thinks you may have been unfaithful and thinks the child might not be his, but something is up. This situation is not normal.
If nothing else, he needs to stop acting like he resents your relationship, and take charge of making time for the two of you. Read: MAKE the time. Time must be made, there is never enough on its own.
That being said, the only other thing I can think of is that when a man's lover becomes a "mother", some guys find it hard to relate to her sexually. Was he in the delivery room by any chance?
-Frank B Kermit
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Tell him that things have got to change sweetheart.
Relationships do change after a child comes into the frame, you are the one who is doing all the childcare by the sounds of things and this should be a 50/50 situation.
Does your bf play with your child at all and interact with them?
Fair enough your sex life is pretty non existent but believe me there can be much longer periods of no sex after you have a child as normally you are both absolutely shattered and trying to hold down jobs as well is probably exhausting both of you - but to me it sounds like you are really at the end of your tether.
You need help and you need to let him know that and also you need to talk to a health visitor if you have them in the US. We have them in the UK and they are normally there to support new mum's/parents.
Go and talk to your doctor and say how bushed you are.
How many hours a day do you work and what is the ratio of what your bf does?
What help do you get in the home from your bf?
OK so your bf just announces he is going off on a fishing trip, have you said to him, right I am off out with the girls for a night out or a weekend away?
Do you do everything for your child or do you allow him to do things for them instead of you?
First and foremost talking is the only way forward no matter how hard it is for him to open up. If he won't talk to you then suggest a counsellor for you to visit as this will not go away but will get worse if you don't start talking about it.
If he refuses and you start to get the help you need through your doctor you will start to feel stronger in yourself.
Find the inner you that was there before you became a mum and remember the things you wanted out of life and start to focus on those things.
Make sure you get support from family and friends as we all need support from time to time and those closest to us are normally always there for us in times of need.
You are not on your own and you are not the first woman to experience what you are right now. You could have some postnatal depression or just feeling low instead.
Do you ever go to bed for 8 hours sleep and wake up as tired as when you went to bed and don't feel refreshed? If the answer is yes then you could be experiencing signs of postnatal depression, if the answer is no, then sweetheart you could just be trying too hard to be superwoman and you need to slow down and forget the hoovering or ironing and just have some me time instead. A nice hot bath with bubbles or a footspa or treating yourself to a manicure or haircut, some me time as we all need from time to time.
Keep us posted eh! Always here to try and help.
BFN
Country Woman
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