A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am I emotionally unavailable. Or is this a combo of both.I started online dating almost a year ago now and have met a few guys.I met one guy who was 10+ older than myself.He seemed very interested in me after our first coffee date and I went on to meet him 5/6 times. He seems more interested in keeping it at his house. Dinner dates, 2 which led to a sleepover.I liked him and wasn't bothered about sex as he's a older guy. I was however disappointed on that occasion. I've know known him since July and in that time, he has disappeared, reappeared. Stayed online dating sites as have I.He winks at me even though we have met up and have been intimate.Obviously I'm assuming he's not interested in me as a girlfriend but he still continues to text me every couple of weeks.The reason I wonder if it's me is because even though he's not asked about my past relationships I've haven't mentioned it or how I feel about him. I guess I've assumed he knows I like him.I've not been cold and respond when he has texted me etc.He hasn't asked what I'm looking and neither of us have talked about what's going on between us. I really don't know if I'm just a stop gap.We are both dating but I'm getting confused as to why he's even still in touch with me.He recently wished me good luck on this dating site and I did the same and then he suggested I should of said and he'd delete my number but isn't that double standards. I'm not going to chase him if he's telling me good luck.
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (27 November 2015):
 I don't know if you're emotionally unavailable but you haven't been clear at all about what you want.
Are you not really sure what you want at this stage (with anyone, I mean) or are you concerned that stating so outright leaves you open to exploitation or makes you appear clingy? It doesn't. It shows confidence and a clear head.
My suggestion is dates should be in public places that allow you to talk and get to know one another without having to decline unwanted or premature advances. And they should last no more than 2-3 hours after which you both go back to your own homes. No night caps, no sleepovers and no texting and talking to each other on the phone all night. Give yourselves time to reflect on the evening and think ahead to the next date (if there's to be one). It should end on a high note and always leave them wanting more.
Unless you don't mind a casual sexual arrangement, I suggest you keep the flirty talk to a minimum and keep your hands out of each other's pants. Showcase the more important parts of you to avoid making it all about sex.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 November 2015):
 Is it possible that I'm emotionally unavailable?
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It is possible, but in this case you mention, I think it has less to do with being emotionally available, and more of you not seeing the whole picture. You may have "liked" this guy, but you accepted and settled for casual sex which HE initiated occasionally, even IF the sex had been "disappointing" you didn't tell him to go fly a kite. You were a stop gap. Someone who would have sex with him and not expect anything in return. That was nice for him, but IF he was actually looking for a partner, then yo weren't it, for him. Good enough to "bonk" but not dating material. (for him).
It CAN be that you didn't come across are REALLY looking for long term partner - as you NEVER once brought up what yo were looking for, things about yourself that people normally talk about in the "get to know you" phase of dating. I think he could have taken it as disinterest.
I'd just block him number and move on, he wasn't a good match for you at all.
And then take a good long look at what you really are looking for and then GO for it.
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