A
male
age
30-35,
*mbivalent_Omar
writes:hi,umm.. i have a gf, well, i donno if its a "real gf", we met through a website called bebo, its similar to facebook and myspace.. i live in new zealand, she does in australia, i'm 18 in college shes 17 in her senior year.we've known each other since december 2006, half way through 2007 we concluded that we aren't just friendm realised that theres more than mutual feelings. so we decided to have a long distance relationship..we kept breaking up and getting back together, breaking up always because of the same reason, will we ever meet? getting back together because we were unhappy..we were growing distant in the past few weeks, when i would text her goodnight (its a 2 hour time-zone difference between us), i'd include a "love you", but lately, the only time she's been saying i love you is with a sad smiley next to it. she always tells me that there is a boy in her year that likes her very much, also tells me she tells him shes not interested.i've been saving for a good few months, (working like a dog), to be able to go for a holiday to sydney for a month. whenever we break up, i tell her i'm not going to keep in contact, but she insists on being friends, insists that we should still meet in december.a few weeks after the break, we get back together, this has happened a total of 4 times. today, we had an arguement, yet again, it finished with whether we will ever be together, so we decided to have some time to make a decision if we should contenue. tomorrow night we're going to decide. though this time, i made an oath that if we break up, i won't be in contact with her.shes also mentioned to her parents about me, all her siblings know (5 siblings..), i've only told about her to my one sister and close friends.can i please have some advice so i can make a decision? she useto make me happy 10, sad 1, but now its become the opposite, plus, i can't get the idea out that she might be just using me as a toy you can always come to and is with this other dude..please help me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): I am in the same boat as you.. I have a "GF" online but and im in the U.S.A. and she is in the Netherlands. I do love her very much and think of her as more then a chat friend. But I also plan to move down there to be with her (I wanted to live there before I even new her so its not like im going down there just for a girl). We also have had a few fights and broke up for a few months but we are back together and things are a little rocky but I think are getting better. Love is a good thing even if it is not face to face, but we do need something a little more then words on a screen. I say you open your heart and tell her everything you feel and what your plans are for the future. Nothing is impossible and I wish you luck
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Hey, Omar, just saw this thread. Hlskitten is right, you know, online relationships aren't real-world experiences. You may be missing out on meeting people in your real world if you are committing yourself to this girl you haven't even met face to face yet.
She said that she wanted to keep the friendship, didn't she? I don't see why you can't stay online friends, but I think it might be unreasonable for you to expect her to stay 'faithful' to a man she's never met. Maybe it would be easier for you to deal with if you do 'split up' and then not remain in contact, as it seems to be causing you some anguish.
Sorry I don't have a more positive spin on this one, but you do need to get out into your real world and engage with people face-to-face, not just over a computer screen. I think it's a bit telling that you haven't told your parents, because I suspect that you think they'll disapprove of this, and you may be right.
Why not tell them and ask their thoughts on this? You might learn something valuable from them.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Er well sorry, i could dress it up in a pretty parcel and say what i think YOU want to hear, or i could say what I think, which is what i thought you posted the question for? Others opinions? Online relationships are chat friends, they cant even be classed as relationships surely?
It cant just be me that sees it that way.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Ambivalent_Omar +, writes (30 May 2008):
Ambivalent_Omar is verified as being by the original poster of the question that put me down more than actually helping me.. thanks for the effort though
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (29 May 2008):
Just be chat friends with her. How can you seriously be anything else with someone that doesn't even live in the same country?
Thats crazy. Serious commitment issues going on here, either that or fear of proper real life relationships.
Real life ones are great, you actually get to go places with someone!
You're both selling yourselves short.
C xxxxx
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