A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last Friday my boyfriend (of nearly four years) flew out to hong kong (on business) and went out with a few friends on saturday night. He called me on monday to say that somehow he had got completely drunk and somehow a girl had gone back to his hotel room and that he had slept with her.I'm totally devastated and can't believe he has done this. It turns out that he doesn't remember if he actually slept with her, who she is, even where he met her...she wasn't there in the morning.Now we now have to put our lives on hold while he is tested for every STI there is. How could he be so reckless? I'm going out of my mind!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Hi anonymous,
In answer to your question, how could he be so reckless? it seems the answer is alcohol. It's not an excuse for his behaviour, but it's a reason for why his judgement was so impaired that he ended up doing this.
You know your boyfriend's character best, and you seem to be a secure person and you don't paint a bad picture of your relationship. Perhaps this was one big huge mistake, or perhaps there is more to it? Do you feel your boyfriend has become more distant towards you recently? The reason I ask is because someone who is mindful that they have a girlfriend they love doesn't end up having sex with another women, no matter how drunk they are.
Like I say, only you can put a judgement on how good your relationship is, and how honourable your boyfriend usually is but it seems to me that the catalyst of this mistake is alcohol, but perhaps it is indicative that there needs to be some more work to bring you both back closer together - if that is what you both want after these test results come back. All the best with whatever you decide to do.
A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (2 June 2007):
 this is the type of thing id never be able to get over. it would haunt me for the rest of my life with him and id never be able to trust him again
the only positive thing that has come from this situation is that altough he cant be trusted not to cheat at least he thinks enough of you to be honest and tell you about what he did when he could have gotten away with it
you need to do alot of soul searching to decide whether you can truly forgive and know it will never happen again- if not the best thing for both of you is to move on
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (1 June 2007):
 im amazed how wel uve kept calm, hes cheated on you and you are waiting for an sti test.. but the most important question is.. are you goin to stay or go.. i dont actualy see the question.. i only see a rhetorical question? um all i can say is if he is reckless like that when hes drunk.. you gona risk being cheated on again? hope i helped mail me if u wana talk x x x
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