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Now normal is it for dad to perve at his daughters?

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Question - (16 August 2006) 17 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2012)
A female , anonymous writes:

hi, i'm 15. almost fully grown. is it normal for your own dad to look at their daughters bums or legs or boobs? cos i go and get a drink and i turn round to where my dad is, on the sofa and hes looking at my bum.

i saw my mates dad look at her bum aswell.

is this normal? cos i am his daughter so why is he looking at my bum or legs or boobs and stuff when im wearing tight jeans or a tight t-shirt?

do all dads act in this way?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012):

I Googled this topic as my wife made a comment calling me a pervert as I glanced at my daughters breasts when she bent over.

The comment offended me and I immediately came onto this site to see what I could find out. My daughter is 15 years old up until a year ago was flat chested and small. In 12 months she has blossomed into a beautiful young woman. Every time that she goes out with friends, I make sure that I check what she is wearing and make the necessary changes if needed. At home, lying watching TV or relaxing with her friends, they do tend to relax too much and the clothes that some of them wear is really not appropriate.

I have spoken to my wife about this and she seems to think that what they wear is fine as they are in the house.

Allow me to add that this is my second marriage and the daughter in question is not mine but one that I took the responsibility for some 7 years ago. Since I assumed this role of "Daddy" I have treated her as my own and have covered 100% of her costs and played the role of "Daddy" since she moved in.

I see this child as my own and am feeling deeply hurt by my wife's comment of being a pervert. I can honestly say that I never look at my daughter in a sexual way but rather glance at what can been seen to the eye and marvel at her sudden growth spurt. I am worried about how my wife has translated my innocent gaze.

Are their any other fathers that feel this way? So help me God, if I am wrong about this, I will seek the appropriate counseling.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008):

You intentionally wear tight clothing around your dad? From his perspective he probably thinks that you might be trying to seduce him. How about dressing a little more modestly and see if your problems goes away?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006):

yes this is perfectly normal, i always look at my daughters to see how they're maturing....

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A female reader, xLEAHx United Kingdom +, writes (29 October 2006):

xLEAHx agony auntHi Anon,

This is defently not normal..it is not normal for a father to look at his daughter in this way and also her friends at such a young age..have you asked your friends whether thier dads look at them like this? i bet they don't..also some of the replies you have had to your question have said try not to wear revealing clothes around your dad.. i disagree with this, why shouldn't you be able to, you should be able to wear what you want and feel comfortable wearing it as it is todays fashion (tight jeans,tight tops ect..) this shouldnt make any difference ,your dad shouldn't be eying you up in this way,he should still be thinking of you as his little girl his baby like most dads do,i seriously think you should talk to your mum about this as its obviously making you feel very uncomfortable and its wrong..

xLEAHx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006):

dear young princess,ofcource it is totally wrong from your dad,but try to fix it by your self like not to wear tight clothes, or hot wears during the the period as he will stay at home,after a while he will forget to look at his beloved daughter,good luck

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A female reader, bby_gal06 +, writes (21 August 2006):

bby_gal06 agony aunti dont think this is normal my dad doesn't do it anyway if this is worrying you maybe you should try and sit and talk get it off your chest dont let him bother you.

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A female reader, BeautifulDisasterxx +, writes (18 August 2006):

BeautifulDisasterxx agony auntNo Its not normal.

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A female reader, bonym United Kingdom +, writes (17 August 2006):

bonym agony auntI do agree with Irish49, it sounds a tad weird this behaviour, I mean my dad is such a NON perve its unreal, he never once looked at me in the way you have suggested your father does and he would never dream of it. My mum told me about a similar situation she experienced with a young girl at work with her father. I agree with below, talk to your mum and tell her how uneasy it makes you feel. Take care. xXx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006):

This is highly inappropriate and no, this is not normal behaviour. I cannot stress to you how important it is, that a father display 'respect and honor' for his daughter in every way, shape and form, because a daughter's relationship with her Dad is usually her first, impressionable male-female relationship. All kids regard themselves as they think others regard them, so Mom and Dad's behaviour's towards their kid's are critically important in the development of all their children. In your case, when you see Dad looking at you in such a sexualized way, I can see how it would make you feel very, very unsafe and upset with him. You need to feel safe, secure and know that you are safe with him, in your home as he is an important role-model in your life. You need to be regarded as a person who deserves and is worthy of respect, not a sexual object. Dad is not keeping within a healthy sense of family boundries, here. So yes, Dad is out of line. Please talk to your Mom and perhaps she can help you make Dad understand, how upsetting his behaviours are making you feel. Good luck, hun

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006):

No thats no normal tell some one if he ever tries anything with you.

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A female reader, Nish +, writes (16 August 2006):

Let me see how I can but this nicely, HELL NO!!! You're dad should NOT be looking at you that way. He shouldn't even THINK about looking at you like that. Question, did you ever tell your mom this? Now she might not believe you at first, but you should tell her to watch your dad and see what his reaction is when you get something out of the fridge. Tell your mom not to say anything to him until she she observed his every move when he is watching you move around the room. Plus, if this doesn't work, try and set up a camera around the house so you can try and catch him on tape looking at you, And if this is too complicated, stop wearing tight clothes around your dad. I can't really help you too much because I never had that problem but I understand where you're coming from because I had a friend who had this same problem with her brother and she never told anyone and till this day it still haunts her. So just try your best to but an end to this before he tries to take it any further! Please take my advice and put an end to this madness.

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A female reader, anon2907 Australia +, writes (16 August 2006):

anon2907 agony auntHey,

I just saw Malyce's answer to you and it kinda freaked me that there's the suggestion from your few words that your Dad hasn't been brought up right and invariably uses porn to dictate his sexual fantasies. It seems like an overreaction and a little harsh.

In reality, I think you're Dad is probably more in awe of the person standing in front of him, once a baby he held in his arms, now a grown woman and like the other poster said - shocked that you've grown up so quick!

If you feel uncomfortable, I do think a well placed jibe of 'dad, stop looking at my bum' would do the trick, but I honestly don't believe your dad is perving on your or intending to make you uncomfortable.

Talk to your mum about it as well if it might help.

Good luck with it,

Anon2907

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A female reader, Astrid Spain +, writes (16 August 2006):

Astrid agony auntWell dear I think this is normal and you're probably exaggerating the whole thing, maybe he looked at your bum but it is not a sexual problem, maybe he is thinking what the hell is she wearing she is teasing guys, she's getting pregnant before 18!!!! This are stupid things dads sometimes think BUT maybe it is true that he thinks about how sexy you are or whatever, anyway keep your eyes open just in case, but I promise It happens to me all time, I have a good bum and my breast is the objective of many looks from family and not, it used to get very very angry when I was your age but now I don't care, If you wanna dress sexy just do it, it is their business if some people can only look at you like idiots, it is your body and there is nothing to be ashamed about ok? Maybe you can ask your dad 'why do you look at me that way? all girls wear like this..' or whatever maybe you'll find out what the thing goes about

good luck

love

Astrid

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A female reader, lozza +, writes (16 August 2006):

hello,

your dad may be looking at you because he is so shocked at how fast his daughter has grown, it can be very scary for a dad to see that his little girl is growing up. he's probably thinking that other men/boys are now going to start looking at you differently and trust me dads dont like the thought of there daughter growing up and dating etc.

however if your dad looking at you and making you feel very uncomfortable and you feel its extremely inappropriate then maybe he is just being a bloke, which is so wrong as he is your dad. try sayin "what you looking at?" or summit that will embarras him as he may not know he's doing it. if he continues maybe he is abit of a perve and i'd suggest tellin someone about it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006):

My Dad, not once, did he ever feel the need to "check me out".

No, this isn't normal, healthy, or acceptable of your Dad.

My Dad would always inform me that boys were hormonal driven and would continue to be so into manhood if they did not learn how to govern themselves in a respectful, considrate manner and excerise self restraint and self control.

My Dad told me that everyone has the power to chose and that we excercise this power every waking moment, every second.

My Dad told me that when you have impure thoughts, when you fantazie about sex and entertain thoughts, it isn't long before you are acting and fulfilling those same sexual thoughts.

He told me boys tend to do so more than girls as it is "socialy taught" and he forewarned me that eventually it wil be "socicaly acceptable" for all people to lust, desire, and act on sexual thoughts with the same sex and with the opposite sex; that their will no longer be a standard on what is right between two people and that it will be a free for all. Scary as heck to contemplate and on this site; I see that he was, sadly, right.

I think your Father is yet another man who wasn't fully taught about how to respect a woman. He wasn't fully taught on how to have a fatherly love for his daughter and to obstain and restraint his sexual thoughts.

I believe your Father is yet another man who relies on porn to dictate his sexual fantasies; he uses porn to feed his desires.

Porn is a horribe, growing force that quickly teaches a man to BLUR the lines of acceptable, appropriate behaviour when dealing with the opposite sex. In the porn industry there is NO line; they will and have crossed the line on what is healthy, normal, appropriate, and right.

I suggest that you speak to your mother about your concern and if she doesn't listen, talk to another trusted, reliable family member. Also speak to school counselors.

Shoud your Dad cross the line and start touching you; and you will know when it becomes inappropriate as your inner voice or your "gut" will dictate it is so, go to your local authorities or child welfare department.

KEEP ON TALKNING UNTIL SOMEONE HEARS YOU AND HELPS YOU.

"Mothers and Fathers have the responsiblitly to rear their children in a safe, loving home where they will be raised up with righteousness and in righteousness."

I think already, your inner voice or gut has "told" you that your Dad has already crossed that line of what is appropriate and acceptable when he looks upon you.

Speak to someone and have them talk to your Dad by your side and on your side.

I hope things go well for you.

*hugs*

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2006):

I think, to an extent, he might "accidently" check you out. But full on perving? Nooo.

I imagine it must be quite weird for a father to suddenly find his daughter sexually matured, with breasts etc. On one hand, he finds her body sexually attractive, yet on the other, it is his of cause his daughter.

It sounds like your dad might be taking it a little too far. Maybe you should mention something, "Dad - why do you keep looking at my bum, is there something on it or something?". A comment like that SHOULD embarrase him, and stop him from doing it. (Some men don't realise they are perving!)

If it doesn't, maybe the problem isn't so innocent...

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A female reader, dummyduckling United Kingdom +, writes (16 August 2006):

dummyduckling agony auntWell to put it bluntly no. dads should not look at their daughters this way although many do. it is a pervey thing to do and is wrong on so many levels. your dad may find you attractive...( a sickining thaught i know) but as long as he doesnt "touch" in a pervy way theres not much you can do except wear slightly less reviling clothes arround him and i would advise your friend to do the same.

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