A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I left my ex-bf a little over a month ago, and he keeps calling me almost every day. We don't have much to talk about, or at least I don't. Not like when we first met and couldn't shut up.The thing is, he was married to someone, (let's call her ex #3) when we met, and she left him - actually she left the country and never came back - on their wedding night. But he never got the marriage annulled or divorced like he promised me he would. But he kept introducing ME to people as "his wife" (we were living together).This irritated me to no end, but I only talked with him about it privately and did not correct him publicly because I did not want to embarrass him. Finally, the last time he did it, I left him. He claims it is partly my fault for "going along with it" (because I didn't publicly humiliate him???) and I shouldn't be upset about it. He moved his kids (from ex#2) into my house, even after I told him that I could not handle the stress of raising teenagers again. He said that I wouldn't have to do any parenting. (OhYeahRightSure.)He told me that Ex#1 had died. Then quite accidentally in the course of my job, her name crossed my desk, and I found out that she is alive and well. His explanation when I confronted him? Well she is dead to me. Dead to oneself and killed themselves is two waaaay different stories.Historically, whenever I simply said I did or didn't like some idea he came up with, he would just ignore my preference and do his thing and keep doing his thing until I got mad enough about it to YELL, and then he claims I was being disrespectful to him and "can't talk to him that way". He doesn't seem to "get" that by ignoring me when I wasn't yelling about the same thing it made me angry enough to yell about it. And I about cracked under all the stress he was putting on me when I got to the point of yelling about something.So now that I have left him, he claims to want to "fix" all the mistakes and "heal" the relationship and get back together. I don't see it as being just that easy. Of course there is more to the story than above. He has proven to me that he is a chronic liar, and I don't think he does it to hurt anyone, but maybe to get attention, or to avoid the painful truth of a situation. But it was freaky weird for me to be asked questions by third parties in the context of some story he made up.Now he is involved with some church people that I don't trust, either. He does everything he can to "support" (the interests of) different members of his church family, and is out with different ones almost every day and night, sometimes out with them until 2 or 3 a.m. and this will not fly far with me either, IF we get back together. When we were together, he was not all that supportive of me and my interests. I ended up fixing the flat tires, changing the kitchen faucet, he told me I spent too much time on my eBay business, of course, there was the issue with his kids in my house NOT being good for my health and well being, and not caring if I got to the doctor or had my medications or not. (I have a disability and can't handle much stress at all.) I think that forcing his kids into my itty bitty place against my protests was another sign of utter disrespect for my feelings, health and well being. (I had told him that I would be willing to move into a larger place with all of them for the sake of everyone concerned, but he didn't like the idea of finding a bigger place and having to pay for it.)He SAYS that I am his #1 priority. I don't believe him. He says he wants the chance to prove it. I don't know if I can afford to give him the chance to prove it. I have moved out of state, and he is now staying with friends, got his car repossessed and is not working a regular job, but is working odd jobs to get some money. And every once in a while he keeps asking me for help and advice and I really don't know what to say except "whatever you think". I refuse to help him financially.Anyway, this whole thing might be more of a rant than a question, but seriously, how on earth could we possibly get back together under these circumstances? Is there even a way to rebuild trust in a person over long distance?
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divorce, get back together, her ex, his ex, liar, long distance, money, moved out, my ex, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I think it is impossible to live under those kind of conditions .It is time , that he learns to walk without your clutch.Maybe after a few years, you may reconsider if he is a changed person.
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