A
female
age
22-25,
Confused8507
writes:Im 22 Happily married and have a beautiful daughter whose now 8 months old. My husband is deployed atm, and i find myself very lonely, and i am seeking comfort in online flirting, and i now have 3 friends who think they love me ( all met online). They live far away and know it will never happen but i want to deal with the lonliness in a way that doesnt make me feel guilty. its so hard bc i get these lustful feelings towards these men, and i know its wrong. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): I am 22 years old and I am also married. My husband had been deployed for about 5 months now. I from another country and I also find myself with no close friends or family with me in the States. I know exactly what you are feeling and we do not even have kids yet, but I also believe flirting as a coping method is totally wrong not just because it will hurt your husband but it will also hurt your heart. You as any other women long for feeling loved, appreciated, and desired and it is totally normal for you to want to find this in these type of relationships, but we can be stronger than that and be able to control those feelings by knowing that you already have somebody that does all of that for you. Even though he is away right now he will be back. You can also share with him how are you feeling and try to find together the way that you can cope with these feelings. The most important thing for me has been the fact that beside my husband, I also have my sweet God that is with us through all the difficult times in our life. Seek him more than ever in this time and you will find that He is closer than you ever imagine and that only by His love and power we us human beings are able to overcome all struggles we face in our lives.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): My husband is deployed also, and don't think is good flirting or think on it... You will feel good with yourself when he comes back and U can see his face and tell yourself that U did the right thing... What kind of love is that? u sopposed to give yor mine to him too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): My husband is also deployed. He has been gone for five months. I think that online flirting is wrong. I know my husband would be hurt by it. I understand your feelings of loneliness but you need to stay busy and push through them. He isnt going to be gone forever and you will feel so good about yourself when he gets home that you made it through this and did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I completely know where your coming from. I am 23 and my husband is also currently deployed. It's so hard to find support and to keep yourself busy and satisfied with them gone. Try finding friends online, not online boyfriends. Don't feel guilty for needing affection from someone, just try and find it with people who are strictly friends. Remember how much he means to you and that being apart wont last forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): If you are happily married then there is no need for you to be on here writing, "Lonely and seeking comfort in online flirting." Seeking online comfort is just as guilty as doing it in person. And how can you say that you love your husband and never want to hurt him when your on here saying what you are? Because I'm sure if your husband found out that you was doing such a thing he'd be very hurt. But i do agree with you when you replied that everyone has there weak moments because that is true. Just hang in there. Be strong, not only for your husband but for your daughter too. =)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 November 2007):
 Glad to hear it. Good luck and I hope your husband has a speedy return to your loving arms.
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A
female
reader, Confused8507 +, writes (14 November 2007):
Confused8507 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well i have taken what you all said in to careful consideration and im learning to deal with it by doing other things. I am currently living in japan with no family or friends within thousands of miles, but i have arranged to go home in a month to stay with family. I am happily married, i love my husband with all my heart and would never in a million years want to hurt him. I am being immature and a terrible wife, and the advice you all gave was a slap in the face, but a well deserved one. We all have our weak moments and this was mine, but i am choosing to learn from my mistakes. Thanks ^^
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (14 November 2007):
 I'm with Irish49.
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A
female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (13 November 2007):
 Yes..it is wrong. Happily, married women don't flirt online or otherwise...simple as that, dear. Don't use your 'loneliness' as a excuse. Let's call it what it is. A woman who loves her man practises an unwavering self-control and finds more illustrious, dependable, mature ways to ease her loneliness. You seem to not comprehend nor understand that marriage is much more than just a physically close 'to you' relationship. There are a lot of military wives with babies who find more honorable ways to fill up their time. Why not talk to some of them, to find out what they do. I will also say that a lot of people who are married will tell you, that sometimes we can't always be content in our marriage and it is a challenge. R ight now you are being put to the test. It's how you face that test, which will make the connection of your marriage run deep into your soul, then just love. It's commitment and honoring the man you married. It's also family, and through all the worst of times..your own happiness through marriage and family is a journey. Having an online fling is just short term pleasure. Pleasure is self-involved. Happiness is other-involved. You need to learn the difference.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 November 2007):
You are playing with fire. I'm sure the military base he deployed from has all kinds of group activities for the spouses left behind. Just stay busy, take up a hobby, go volunteer at a soup kitchen, write hubby lots of letters. Remember he's over seas defending your country he deserves the honor and respect from his loving wife and mother of his child. Knock off the internet nonsense.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 Yes, it's wrong, but I would not advocate telling your husband what you're doing.
I can understand your feelings, but if your husband found out this was what you're doing he would be devastated, especially being away at war thinking his faithful wife was at home changing diapers and baking cakes all day.
If you get some sexual release from your internet activities, that's fair enough, as long as it doesn't become any more than a fantasy and does not affect the love you have for your husband. I suppose it's cheating in a way, but if you treat it as harmless fun or a release of sexual energy I don't really see any harm in it - but only if it doesn't affect how you feel about your husband, who needs all the emotional support you can give him.
Phil
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A
female
reader, Gemini1506 +, writes (13 November 2007):
We all go through lonliness no matter what situation we are in. But don't depend on online flirting to feel that void bcoz it will just creep back up you and there is a chance you will feel to take the flirting further.
Tell your husband how you feel. it may not cure how you feel but at least you can talk it out with someone who is meant to love you regardless
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A
female
reader, whiteshadow +, writes (13 November 2007):
 There isnt really a way to "deal with the lonliness in a way that doesnt make me feel guilty"
I wonder tho how you can be happy married but your lonely. I really think you should talk out how you feel and how you would like to spend mroe time with your husband. To be married at 22 is crazy to me lol
Or.. leave your husband and carry on what your doing by being single.
sorry i sound harsh but there is no balancing out this problem really. you ither do one or another. Just dont do all forever..you will realy make your head confused and will defo not be happily married
good luck zara
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