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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i met a nice guy on a night out, we didnt have sex, just cuddled and talked all night. he told me that he had been in a relationship for 4years and now he is just looking for something causal. i dont know what he means by that, is it causal sex or just like causal relationship. we've been texting and phoning each other and we are going to meet up but im scared that he will just want me to have sex with him. i am not looking for anything serious but also i dont want to have sex with the guy i dont even know. how should i tell him that without being harsh?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 ask him what he means but I'm betting FWB is his idea.casual sex....
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 May 2011):
 "Casual" I expect means to him some nice sex with no strings attached. I would clarify your definition of "casual" to him in this way: "I'm not looking for a serious relationship just yet but I'm also not into jumping into bed too early. I need to get to know a guy before I consider doing anything sexual. So if you're cool with that, we can hang out. Otherwise, I have to be clear that I'm not going to have sex with you just yet. It may happen, it may not, I just need to get to know you a bit better. Maybe you could clarify what you expect when you say the term 'casual.'"I think guys respect women who are clear about their boundaries. Don't apologize for setting your boundary lines or for making them clear to him. It's more honest and I think saves a lot of nonsense and heartbreak later. Be upfront and firm about your stance and don't think you are being harsh. If he overreacts and dumps you entirely, well, that just demonstrates he was looking for no-strings sex, and then you wouldn't have been interested in that with him just now. Speak your mind, set your boundaries and don't apologize for that.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Ask him what he means by a casual relationship. Although, just because that's what he wants doesn't mean he wants a casual relationship with you exactly. It sounds as you are still in the dating phases, getting to know each other. Casual relationships involve sex, yes. But they're not friends with benefits. A casual relationship, in my understanding of it, it exclusive as in you do not have sex with others while you are in the relationship. But you don't call your partner "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" either, they are someone you're dating and are with, but you're still free to date other people. You also don't introduce the partner as your girlfriend or boyfriend, nor do you meet the family, and if you meet the friends you are called a "friend", and nothing else. In a casual relationship you don't build up dreams of living together or having a family together, and you don't "love" each other. You keep it at a minimum level of emotional connection. You hang out just for fun, and then have sex to please your urges.A casual relationship is for those who are not looking for love. Or anything serious for that matter. You want sex with someone you know well, and it sounds like a casual relationship ISN'T for you. Although you did say you don't want anything serious. I don't know at what level of knowing a person you feel comfortable having sex with them? But perhaps you just need to tell your guy that you want to keep seeing him and see if it leads to anything or not, and then if you don't feel like you are getting comfortable enough to have sex with him you move on.
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (17 May 2011):
casual usually means going on a few dates, having sex with no strings attatched and dating other people at the same time. If it's not what you want then u need to be honest with him and tell him where he stands. Don't string him along.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Eh, i would imagine the implication was he was just looking to have a good time. Part of that implication is probably, at some point, to have sex.I would tell him straight up, if he tries to make a move, that you'd really like to get to know him a bit better first before you get intimate.He may be cool with that, but be aware that he may also say "well, this isn't really what i'm looking for, thanks very much!" and find someone else. Good luck!
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