A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My family are conservative Christians and have a strong, deeply rooted belief that sex before marriage is a big no-no. For the first half of my life I also believed in this, and I wanted to remain abstinent until marriage. If anything, to make my parents proud of me. My family and I were part of a tight church community in my mid teens, and it was an eye-opening experience when I watched another girl my age being caught out having pre-marital sex with her boyfriend and falling pregnant. She was coerced into a shotgun wedding, essentially "shunned" from the church community, her family shamed, especially so because the pregnant girls' father was a pastor! It happens that my mother is a pastor as well, so if I were to break my abstinence and they were to find out, it would cause her great embarrassment and shame. I do not want to cause her that kind of severe disrepute. I made a promise to myself I would never, ever turn out like that poor other girl. Around this point in time, I left the church because I was starting to doubt my faith in God.Now I have a serious boyfriend. He is athiest, and because of what I have seen in my old church community (the treatment of that girl as one example), I have become rather agnostic. I would be lying if I said my boyfriend didn't have an influence on my agnosticism, but he is a quite open-minded athiest. I want to take our relationship to a sexual level, but I'm feeling unsure about it because I wonder about the consequences. The thing is, I don't know whether I really care about sex before marriage anymore, or whether it's the part of me trying to please and uphold my family's honour. If my parents knew about me having sex before marriage... it would break my heart because I know it would break their hearts. But at the same time, I don't think I would mind having sex before marriage, as long as my family never finds out about it. As long as they think I'm squeaky clean, even if I'm not, as long as we keep up appearances and it looks like I'm keeping my vow of abstinence.So I would like to know how many, and how much, do you agony aunts regret your first sexual experience? Do you suggest pre-marital or within marriage? Is there a difference? Can you relate to my situation?I don't want to regret my first sexual experience, and although my boyfriend and I are practically engaged, I'm still iffy about the whole pre-marital sex idea. I just want someone to tell me what to do, which sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I can't stand arguing with myself anymore. I'm going insane with internal dialogue: the Christian-upbringing side of me saying to wait a little longer and the new agnostic side of me telling me to go for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): im christian i believe in god and i had sex before marriage and it was awesome and im going to do it again (with my bf of many years of course) and i dont regret it at all!
:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): hi... it seems like this debate took place months ago.. but i'll give it a go and add my 2 cents, anyhow. you sound like a wonderful woman, don't let what other people think get to you too much, okay? i grew up really believing in no sex before marriage. i stuck with it until my mid-twenties. well, now i'm ready, and the guy i'm with wants to wait until marriage. so, i'm doing what i'll recommend to you.. do what make sense in your relationship. for me, thats waiting. for you, its whatever you feel is best for the two of you. but really be willing to stand by and live with everything that comes with it. wishing you the best. after years of doing only what others and the bible told me i should, i'm going with what i feel inside.. this is only my opinion.. thats all i'm qualified to give :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): hi... it seems like this debate took place months ago.. but i'll give it a go and add my 2 cents, anyhow. you sound like a wonderful woman, don't let what other people think get to you too much, okay? i grew up really believing in no sex before marriage. i stuck with it until my mid-twenties. well, now i'm ready, and the guy i'm with wants to wait until marriage. so, i'm doing what i'll recommend to you.. do what make sense in your relationship. for me, thats waiting. for you, its whatever you feel is best for the two of you. but really be willing to stand by and live with everything that comes with it. wishing you the best. after years of doing only what others and the bible told me i should, i'm going with what i feel inside.. this is only my opinion.. thats all i'm qualified to give :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Hello,
I understand that it is a really hard issue..
But, first of all we need to think about this: There is a God who created us,who loves us,who take cares of us and that God sent us some rules to be follewed to make our lives easier.
I love a girl, i love people, i love animals, i love everthing because all of these are created by Him. He also put some desires in our hearts.Sex is one of them.But how should it be???
What is the meaning of marriage?Why did God punish Adam?Because God warned him not to touch Hava. Hava was a woman who is symbol of a fruit from the tree.But Adam and Hava had sex although it was forbidden.Here is the thing, if you want to share the same bed with somebody(sharing your bodies) you need to ask a permission to God.It is called "Marriage".Because our bodies actually are not belong to us.They are God`s gifts.We should not use them before asking him.
Otherwise, you break the rule.If everbody do like that, there would not be a strong family anymore.Then nations would be no more.Fatherless babies,motherless babies...Everybody is gonna go after their pleasure..There is supposed to be a difference between an animal and a human!
"If you don`t live in a way that you belive, you believe in a way that you live"
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008):
If the culture is going to be non-judgemental about letting everyone choose their own morality for themselves . . . then will this total tolerance and acceptance still be shown to me if I decide that I only want a virgin bride?
Not bloody likely. People just call me a judgemental asshole for demanding that.
I guess we're only allowed to "carve out our own unique moral codes for ourselves" as long as it fits with the cultural mainstream.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): hellooo. i am a born again christian, and i have to say i can sympathise with your problem, as i have a athiest boyfriend and we are sexually active. when i met him i classed myself as agnostic, but i gave my life to jesus just over a year ago and have been a dedicated christian ever since.i think it is interesting that the sex issue seems to always present itsself for girls, and yet i hardly ever hear of men who have a real struggle with this. maybe i just havent met any personnally! anyway, i had difficulty when i first became a christian because i knew that it was expected of me to abstain from sex, and so i marched over to my boyfriends house and said 'no more sex'. he wasnt best pleased, in fact, we had the only row we have ever had - and i dare say i probably put him off christianity for life! the problem was that i fell into the same trap as you, believing that it was more important to do the right thing in other peoples eyes, rather than what i felt was right. i believe with sexual intimacy, as with many other things, like drinking alchohol or even eating meat - are down to personal choice and conviction. we are all individuals, and god made us that way, as long as we obey him when he asks something of us, we are okeydokey - but that doesnt mean he asks that of everybody! - these things are personal.i truely respect anyone who decides to save sex until marriage, and with the right lover, sex is a beautiful and lovely thing. but the otherside of the coin, is that it is only sex, and if you put it on a massive pedestal (as alot of abstaining girls seem to) you only end up feeling a bit deflated! its better in my view, to explore the person you love sexually, in a pressure-free and relaxed way. rather than setting a date for 'losing it' its better to just let it happen naturally.anyway, each to their own. and i hope someday you will be able to forgive the church for their self rightousness, i pray god convicts them to change their attitudes, so that they might embrace young families rather than shunning them. no one should be rejected from the church, jesus came that all might have life - and have it to the full!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): You are wrong in this. If you perform this act before marriage you will regret all your life. You will lose self-respect.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I usually like it when people stick to a "no sex before marriage" ethic in their lives.
I don't think anyone should begin having sex if they haven't firmly made up their minds about it. There are a hell of a lot more negative consequences to having sex than just holding off a little longer.
Girls/women in particular seem to automatically believe that sex will bring their relationship closer, but males do not operate this way. It's literally a biological difference in the brain chemistry of the two genders.
There is also a difference in the concern that males & females have about their partners' past sexual histories. I so often hear about guys who feel inwardly ripped up about their parter's sexual past. And the worst part is that half the time in these cases, the girl herself looks back on her past sex life and doesn't even think the single sex she had was worth all the ruckus in retrospect.
So if you still have any mixed feelings about it, then I say hold off.
But at the same time, what's the reasoning with the Church & family?
I don't think doing something to please your family or a religious teaching is a legit way to shape your moral foundations. A decision like this one should be coming from YOU, not what other people & books are forcing upon you.
When you obey a moral code just because you feel forced to, then that's not really any big sign of your morality & strength of character. I think it's more like just obedience and submissiveness on your part.
Maybe you have sex and maybe you don't, but you've gotta own your decisions. It's your life. Don't make your decisions just to please a religious teaching, and don't make your decisions just to rebel against a moral teaching either. Make your decisions for YOU.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I wish all these religious freaks would stop trying to tell you what to do here and let you live your own life.
You only seemed to ask for some advice about wreather to have sex or not. It is no big deal.
It's just a shame others don't see it that way.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 2 Corinthians was written by the apostle Paul.
He urged believers not to form lasting relationship with non believers so as not to compromise their beliefs. It could weaken their integrity , commitments or standards.
This is not God's law but only Paul's urging.
But Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 :12 - 16
1 Corinthians 7:12 (New King James Version)
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
Paul encouraged Christians not to be unequally yoked with non believers but he did not forbid or say 'CANNOT" marry a non believer.
God's ideal is for marriages to stay together, even when one spouse is not a Christian.
Marriages are made in Heaven and let no man make it asunder.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2008): Hi it's the "Anonymous Christian" here. You wanted the verse for when I said Christians shouldn't marry non believers. Well it comes from 2 Corinthians 6:14. I use the NKJV But it still says the same thing in the NIV I'm not sure what bible translation Catholics use. But you said early Christians married Jews and pagans did you mean in the old testament? cause if you did than this verse in in the new testament. so Jesus came and lots of things changed. As for the girl with a problem. You said you were not a Christian. Than It would be morally correct for you to be with this "B/F" Just be careful and don't do anything you will regret.
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 March 2008):
There is God, there is the Universal law, the Common law, the Karma and the all powerful unknown force.
Whatever you believed in , it is your right. You can believe there is no GOD.I would not try to convince anyone to believe what I believed.
I cannot change anyone but when the time is right , you will be chosen by God whether you like it or not.
The more anti Christ you become , you will one day believe in this God.
In the Bible , Saul persecuted all those early Christians but God used him mightily.
I was once a very strong opponent of God but now I am a very staunch believer in Him.
Life is like a pendulum , it swings from extreme left and then swings towards extreme right.
As to explaining your different beliefs to your children ,you can just tell them the truth and let them decide for themselves.
Anyway, by that time , he may have converted to Christianity..LOL!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen and if I have children, I don't want them to grow up under the pressure that I was under when I was growing up. I call it performance pressure because when your family is conservative Christian, people expect you to behave holier-than-thou. I want to let my children make their own decisions, however I do want them to grow up with a sense of right, wrong and ethics in general. So I'm not too fussed about raising 'Christian children'. Children raised in religion are more often than not too young to really understand what they believe in anyway. The only thing I could see getting complicated about my relationship with my boyfriend is how we explain our respective beliefs to our children, that daddy doesn't believe in a god but mummy does. One thing that I do know is that he believes in some 'external force' on the universe, but he doesn't call it god. More like a sense of Karma, bad people getting what's coming to them and good people being rewarded. So as long as my children are good people, even if they make mistakes along the way, I would feel like a good parent.
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 March 2008):
When the children are 18 years old , they can decide what they want to believe.
Normally ,the non Christian men would let the wife decides or whoever is the dominant one in the marriage.
Religion is not about been born in the family . It does not mean that once you are born in a Christian family , you are automatically a Christian. Whoever believe in this is not right.
Not all Christians will go to Heaven. Only those whose names are in the 'Book Of Life' will be allowed into heaven.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 March 2008):
It is my own Christian beliefs that blessings from God falls on everyone irrespective of whether you are a Christian or not on this Earth.
It is like the showers of blessings on Earth. It does not discriminate anyone.
Otherwise how would you explain those non Christians who are wealthy and blessed by this world's standards.!
Another explanation would be Satan granting them riches in order to get their souls when they die.
There are two school of thoughts and maybe someone may enlightened me on this topic.
Christians believed in the world here after. They are concerned about will happen in the next world .
I am not going to preach here and leave you all to form your own opinions .
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reader, wolverine7  +, writes (1 March 2008):
I grew up in an extremely christian home and have heard all of the above before, but I ended up losing my virginity when I was 15 and got pregnant at 16.
I completely understand where you are coming from.
I ended up deciding to have sex based on a christian. A girl who I had known since I was a toddler (rasied together in the same church) told me just because I was dating a "non-christian" that she "knew" I was already having sex with him and how she had a dream I got pregnant. Well I hadn't been having sex yet, but I came back from that youth conference and went out on my Valentine's date with my b/f and had sex. I don't regret having sex before marriage. I don't regret who I lost my virginity to. I regret how young I was and why I choose to do it.
We were stupid teenagers who thought we were invincible which caused us to go unprotected several times which leaded up to us getting pregnant. We stayed together for 4 years even being teenage parents. However, after we broke up I also realized once you start it just doesn't seem like a big deal anymore. Following our breakup I had a one night stand I regrett. I have since not had sex, because I still think of it as an act of love to only share with someone who you are in love with.
When my daughter grows up instead of preaching to her abstinence before marriage (as i was taught) I will instead ask her to wait, because it seems the later in life you start the more likely the less partners you'll have. I believe in sex being an act of love, hence why i regret the one night stand. I think it should be saved for a limited number of people. If I didn't lose my virginity when I did I would not have had my daughter, who I love. But I was judged very badly by the people in my church who I grew up around.
Overall, it has to be your choice, but if you do believe in God (as I still have a faint belief in God, with all I've been through...by no means a strong belief). Then you can believe that when, how, and who you lose your virginity to is apart of God's plan for you (if you'd like). If you choose to wait that is again your choice. It is your life and you are the only one who can live it. I hope that helps...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe person who wrote: "The bible says Christians should not marry non Christians."
I never said I was Christian. I said my family were Christians. I am agnostic. Please don't force beliefs down my throat that have been forced down my throat ever since I was born.
Are you saying that people who aren't Christians can't have a good life or hold a marriage together? Because my aunt and uncle have been married since they were 16, and they're in their 50s now. I have so much respect for them because they're not Christians and they are excellent examples!
I feel too many young Christian girls and boys are getting married too early and end up divorcing because they just want to have sex, so they get married in order to obtain this right in the eyes of the church. This is another reason why I was particularly interested in why sex inside marriage should be so important to the church when it destroys so many peoples' young lives.
Boys are lucky since they can masturbate, for girls it's not so easy to keep that vow of abstinence. Once it's gone, it can't be retrieved.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Honey, this is about what you want to do. It is what you are able to be happy with.
Your past upbringing and belief system, all of which have been against the principals you are now considering indulging in. That past is inevidibly going to influence your thought process when working all of this out.
For Christians, this is a big issue. Whilst you may not be practicing as a christian you did before, your still connected with this life and the standards or values.
I would like you to ask yourself if you do start a sexual relationship with this guy, firstly - is he worth it and are you in love. Does he respect your values and YOU.
Did you always want to share that experiance with someone really special? Is that him?
If you choose, and it is a choice, your choice, you will be choosing to loose your virginity to this man - are you happy to give him that. Once you loose your virginity it is gone. Is that okay with you?
Think about how much or how important the issue of others opinion is to you. You already know that your family would not be accepting of your choice, but it is about you and how their opinion of you matters to you. Are you wanting to be free from the constraints of your past and this is really more what is going on than a decision to have sex?
I think sometime we can grab something in our life, just to rock the boat and be an individual, making our own lifes choices and bugger all who say I shouldn't. Many times the issue itself is not the 'issue'. This is a big decision, taking into account your upbringing.
Perhaps it is a challenge for you to overcome or find resolution to. The battle is about your faith, moral values, beliefs and standards. No one has the right to take that responsibility of you, it's yours and your decisions have to be something which you feel good and happy about, stong about and have no problem being honest about or living with.
This is not so much about what you should or shouldn't do. It is about where you are at with yourself and what is right for you. To a certain extent, whilst I understand your dilema, if you are struggling making a decision about this, then you are not ready to share youself in that way with this guy. In all honesty, I think we just know, when it is right, deep down we know.
Your battle is in a way spiritual, subject to your own personal faith, consider if this is more about your starting to reflect on the way you choose to live your life, what and if your religious considerations are going to be a part of it.
In a way, you need to decide. Forget him, forget the family and look deep inside and start working out if you feel that you should, but don't want too!
All the best honey, just take your time. I know there is plenty of guidance on this in the bible, maybe it is time to have a little word with your God. xxxxx
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 February 2008):
So if you were a real Christian before than God will never let you go.
God would not like to let you go but He respects your decision if you want to leave Him.
God gave us a brain to think and he gave us choices.He will be sad if you leave Him but He cannot force you to be with Him.
If you leave Him , you forego His Blessings.That is up to you to belive or not.
This is another of your inaccurate interpretation about God.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 February 2008):
So if you were a real Christian before than God will never let you go.
God would not like to let you go but He respects your decision if you want to leave Him.
God gave us a brain to think and he gave us choices.He will be sad if you leave Him but He cannot force you to be with Him.
If you leave Him , you forego His Blessings.That is up to you to belive or not.
This is another of your inaccurate interpretation about God.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 February 2008):
"You should not continue this relationship with your BF if you are a Christian. The bible says Christians should not marry non Christians"
This is precisely the type of Christian who preached to others and judge them.
There are plenty of such 'Holier than thou'followers who gave Christianity the bad name.
What ever you say is your interpretations of the Bible and it is not God's words.It is only your belief.
God did not say that as a Christian you should not have any relationship with a non Christians.
God said you should not be unequally yoked with a non believer.This is not the same as telling others that God said you should not marry non Christians.
Even if you marry a non Christian, God will sanctified him as a Christian through the Christian spouse, but he will not go to Heaven.
There are only two major laws of God.
Love God with all your body , spirit and soul and love your neigbour as yourself.
The other law is the 'Ten Commandments.'
All other laws were created by people.
This is my believe and others can disagree with me.
The most important and supreme truth in Christianity is that you are saved not by your works but by the grace of God.
You cannot do anything to be saved.Whether you marry a non Christian or not , it does not matter. We are all sinners before Him.
Let no men rob you of your salvation by impossing all kinds of laws for you to follow inorder to be saved by God.
God said no men can follow all the rules laid down in the Bible. The laws were to show that you have sinned.If there were no laws then you won't know it is wrong.
Many Christians are hippocrates....
http://laura1318.wordpress.com/2007/10/28/why-some-people-view-christians-as-hypocrites/
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Dear sister in ChristI know how you must be feeling its hard to not have something it seams everyone else is having. But I encourage you too stay strong in the faith. You should not continue this relationship with your BF if you are a Christian. The bible says Christians should not marry non Christians. Their is nothing I could say to keep you in the faith but please don't have sex before marriage. My 19 year old sister just got married. She waited for sex and she even saved her kiss! So did her husband. By other sister 22 has kissed before but she is still saving sex. God created sex for a husband and wife not for outside of marriage. It is beautiful thing when used rightly. Now I won't condemn you if you do have sex. But God will judge. So many Christian teens are "leaving the faith". I don't want you too become a part of that. In the new testament it says "He who has began a good work in you will be faithful and just complete it. So if you were a real Christian before than God will never let you go. But all the teens that are leaving are either coming back latter in life repentant and humbled or they never where really Christians. Remember that god forgives even the greatest of sinners. At a time like this you should talk to someone. If you can't talk to a family member than please talk to a Christian friend or a Christian you don't even know if it would make you more comfortable. Christians should be always willing to help those struggling. I hope you strengthen your relationship with JesusLove from a concerned young woman.
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 February 2008):
In Christianity , it is a relationship of you and God only and no others can tell you what to do or cannot do.
We all have different levels of faith and we should not judge each other but to accept them as whatever they are.
We should love them like ourself.Let God do the teaching or correct their mistakes. Just leave them to God.
I agree and applaud you for having that belief of saving your chastity until marriage.
You have done the right thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses it has helped me considerably in clearing my mind!
But I'm not saying I've made up my mind about it, just that I have a clearer list of pros and cons at my disposal.
I would like to point out that even BEFORE I met my boyfriend, I was already agnostic. I had stopped going to church for about a year before I met him. So although his beliefs have been made clear to me, I was already agnostic, he did very little in changing my mind. If he was really in control of my beliefs, I would have turned athiest long ago! But I still believe in some form of god, so to say, so no matter how many times he has attempted to explain his athiesm to me, I have remained and intend to remain agnostic. When I say he is an open-minded athiest, he completely understands and in some cases supports my agnosticism! He tells me that when god presents him/her/itself to him, he will believe. But for now, that part of his belief is foggy terrain. He respects me and I respect him, is there anything wrong really? We never fight, we settle trivial arguments quickly, we love each other, why should our relationship be doomed?
I would also like to say that the part of me that believes sex should be reserved for marriage is the part of me that wants to save my virginity for my wedding night. The way I see it, to have sex before marriage is to remove the wonder and excitement from a wedding night, because it's something you've seen and done before! I want to keep my wedding night special, no matter who it is I marry, I want to be sure that the person I have sex with is the first and right person. That being said, I am deeply in love with my boyfriend, we have planned marriage, we are practically engaged, save that we will have to wait until our studies have been completed. So I honestly believe he is the one who will end up being my first anyway, this is where my dilemma began.
On the subject of church, my family are Protestants. Although there is something wonderful and special I have noticed about people with strong ties to God, there is something inherently horrible about churches. I have witnessed it first hand, my mother a pastor, I know what troubles come home with her and what goes on behind closed doors. It sickens me. So I believe that people should celebrate and worship their respective Gods in their own way.
I hope with this information some of you can reply again with further advice.
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male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (28 February 2008):
This has got to be your decision and your decision alone.
Only you know for sure if it is right for you to have sex.
You do not need pressure from anybody - especially a church that seems more geared towards controlling people and casting opinions of hatred as opposed to serving and helping people in a genuine way.
Being agnostic (as I am) means that you are open to all possibilities and accept the fact that nobody has and nobody ever will have all the right answers. Least of all those dogmatic kinds that remain so convinced they are right and everybody else is wrong.
Keep an open mind and come to your own decisions as this ultimately will be the right decision for you.
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female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 February 2008):
 I think Annalisa has written a very lovely, insightful post.
From what you have written, it does not seem that your reasons for staying chaste are personal anymore, but because of the fear of letting down your family and/or of being publically humiliated. I understand this. If you knew that eating that chocolate brownie would cause familial shame and public humiliation you would hestitate to eat the brownie as well! Yet there is nothing wrong, *inherently*, with eating the occasional chocolate brownie. They are quite delicious, and unless you go overboard, a nice treat. If you do not respect yourself you may eat too many brownies wich will cause you to get fat, which is unhealthy and humiliating.
Do you understand what I am saying here? If you said you wanted to sleep with some guy you just met or just to get experience or with lots of guys I would say 'Dont do it! You will regret it! You are going overboard!' But sexual activity, as long as it is within the confines of a long term, loving relationship is nobodies business but your own, and frankly, is quite delicious! That said, if you do decide to sleep with your boyfriend be extra cautious about birth control. Double or even triple up to make sure you do net get pregnant as that would lead to the shame you fear. Get on a regimented, prescription birth control like the pill or the ring. Also use condoms, each and every time. And then, just to be sure, you might want to use foam or jelly each time as well.
Lastly, you did ask for personal experience. I lost my virginity at age 16 with a wonderful boy that I am still in touch with. I do not regret the boy I lost my virginity to, but I do regret that I did it so young. I really wish I had waited longer. And I do not regret having premarital sex. I am currently in a long term, loving relationship and although we are not married, we do sleep together and it is wonderful and I dont regret being with him in the slightest.
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reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 February 2008):
AS long as you do not get pregnant before marriage , there won't be any moral or religious issues.
You may not get pregnant but you will have to deal with your conscience and it may trouble you since you come from a conservative Christian background.
It is up to each of us to decide if we believe in pre marital sex or not.
If you are strong in faith as a Christian and fear God, you will remain chaste until marriage.
Not everyone has a strong faith and some fall down. Whether he falls or stand , it is God who will deal with them. I do not judge .
What are the benefits or demerits of premarital sex?
There is a very good article written here ;-
http://www.nfpoutreach.org/Sex.htm
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male
reader, Sandman +, writes (28 February 2008):
 (I am certainly going to take a big ratings hit for this one - but here goes...)
That new atheistic, agnostic boyfriend of yours is causing you to challenge and doubt your faith. The one thing I want you to understand is you cannot allow someone to impose their beliefs and morals (or lack of) on you and change the person you are. Now, having said that, I don't want to impose my beliefs upon you - so everything said herein is just my opinion.
If you are still a Christian or even think you might go back to Christianity, you certainly can't continue the relationship with your current boyfriend. It just won't work. People of faith and belief systems (all faiths and belief systems) need to find someone of the same belief system and faith because of this very thing that is happening to you. You begin to doubt your own faith and because you think you love someone - you adopt theirs, without realizing it.
I really don't want to say more as I already lost twenty points so far. But you want to continue this conversation, PLEASE PM me and I'll give you my email address so we can continue to discuss this. I would love to talk to you about this further.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (28 February 2008):
 "I just want someone to tell me what to do, which sounds ridiculous, but it's true."
Ok. You should have sex.
You're in a long-term relationship. Ignoring any religous beliefs, sex before marriage is practical and pragmatic. You might find that you're not sexually compatible and so save yourself the heartache of a sexually frustrating marriage. Or you might have fun in which case I don't see a problem.
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