A
female
age
41-50,
*olita
writes:Dear friends, There is a colleague at work to whom I have been attracted to but I have never showed any interest in him because he,s 7 years younger than me. We went together to a business trip and we had a really good time without any explicit flirting stuff. Three weeks ago we went to a business dinner and I had to leave earlier. He stayed there with some other colleagues and he confessed to them that he likes me very much but he doesn't know whether I like him or not. And he was discussing with two of my colleagues about the ways he can approach me and get to know me better. The next morning one of my colleagues told me what happened ( they were supposed not to tell anything to me. Ok I know the guy likes me very much because of the way he behaves and looks at me. I personally don't want to do the first move but he doesn't do it either. Last night we went out after work and he started telling us about a girl he met at the gym and he likes quite a lot. What do you think of his Behavior? Many thanks!!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 April 2014):
 Oh man!
Ell GLAD you found out now.
I would minimize the contact you have with him, not tell him ANYTHING of significance, and like WiseOwlE STAY professional.
I hope you confiding in him didn't start some drama for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): Thank you Lolita!
Please keep it cordial and professional. Don't draw too much attention and stay on decent terms. Don't turn it into an office soap opera.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, lolita +, writes (4 April 2014):
lolita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear friends your advice has been great! Many thanks! And guess what! On Monday I confided to this guy a work related issue that concerns me and he immediately called a colleague to discuss this quite confidential issue! So this guy should not be trusted in professional terms let alone emotional ones!! And yes you are absolutely right, he's proved to be very childish and impulsive!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 April 2014):
 In agreement that since he is a work colleague it's better to just walk away and let it lie.
his way of "telling you" seems childish and a bit suspect...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 April 2014):
Well, FIRST he is a work colleague - which isn't the greatest thing for a romance ( I mean if it doesn't work out you still have to see him 5 days a week and on business trips and THAT can be tiresome).
Then secondly, he tells 3 OTHER people he likes you but don't have the "balls" to tell you? Or invite you out for a drink/coffee? What's next passing notes like Middle School?
Then he goes on about ANOTHER girl he likes? To impress you? Or to make you jealous?
Either way, I see more reasons NOT to try and take this further then I see reasons TO take it further.
This can end up ever so AWKWARD!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 April 2014):
 He likes a girl from the gym so I would forget him.
He sounds fickle and I am not overkeen on your work colleagues either - all sounds, from what you have said, very suspect.
I would try to meet somebody not associated with work, that also does not tell all your colleagues your or his business when he's had a few drinks
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A
female
reader, lolita +, writes (2 April 2014):
lolita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm using a tablet and with the touchscreen I think I did the wrong rating to your responses which were excellent! So the rating is 5 stars for your responses. Many thanks for your time and wise advice!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): He sounds a bit juvenile. He can announce to your colleagues how he feels; but doesn't have the stones to man-up and tell you. Now he's publicizing his interests concerning yet another female?
My advice; keep it casual and don't waste your time. He might be fun; but the stand-off is kind of a adolescent thing. It's also possible that if you do date; all your business will be office-gossip.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): What's concerning in my opinion is how casually he spills this info to a bunch of colleagues- not people he knows well and certainly not who you would choose to tell any sensitive feelings to... Remember they're not friends or family. I feel very uneasy telling my colleagues anything a bit too personal- the rare occasions I have let my guard down, they've turned out to be untrustworthy, things I prefer wouldn't have been leaked to the manager... People are gossips! How well do you know the colleagues that told you this? Maybe they like him the,selves, maybe they have their own agendas...Maybe I sound paranoid but so often people turn out to be untrustworthy and not what they seem. How confident is this guy? If he's openly very flirtatious with you, maybe he's just a flirt. I would tread carefully here and keep your eyes open, and your options. Take care :) xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 Lolita, I was not there when your colleagues and the young man in question discussed feelings and emotions and you at a BUSINESS dinner, but if I were you I would not be giving any credence to whatever those colleagues told you especially as they added the rider "they were supposed not to tell anything to me."
And then last night the young man tells you about a girl he really likes .....
I don't have an opinion on his behaviour but I think, if you are looking for a romantic attachment, you wont be finding it with this particular man.
I also think you should consider if your colleagues who told you stuff they were asked not to, might be indulging in a spot of stirring ..... it's just a thought.
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