A
female
age
30-35,
*ennajozie
writes:Ok, so i've some how developed a lot of strong feelings for my male lecturer. He's definitely hitting the 40's and I'm 21. There's something about him I love, we've talked a lot on a personal level too, we just ... click. I've pretty much finished Uni now, just have a few essays to hand in and an exam. I sometimes think, a 21 year old female, fancying a 40 year old man ... he'd jump at the chance, right?! I do believe there's attraction there for him too. An example... Like today, I was sitting just chatting about random stuff and work, then he'd constantly knock my leg with his foot, then occassionally brush his leg against mine. And its clearly on purpose. What do people think? So confused and upset right now with all of this. I'd really appreciate some one's advice. There is an awards ball this Friday evening, which he's asked if i'm attending, so I will see him there. Was going to approach him then and let him know my feelings. Not sure... I'd really appreciate any advice. I feel confused right now, but I guess I can't help these feelings really! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 you have a crush and as such will interpret any little thing as feeding your hope and desire that he returns your feelings.
i think that once you are no longer a student at the uni, then it would be ok to date him... but not until you graduate or leave the university.
I also think that you need to find out if he's even available... If folks used my BEHAVIOR to determine if I was available to date the might think I was. I'm outgoing and flirtatious and I tend to be physical with others. If I didn't mention my spouse and wear a wedding set on my left hand most folks would think I was flirting on purpose to obtain a connection to folks... where I'm not... it's just my personality. Sometimes folks go into professions that suit a more outgoing personality. teaching is one of them. Tread carefully.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 April 2014):
 There aren't many circumstances in which teacher/student "relationships" are appropriate... and your submittal doesn't give any indication that your's is any different from the "typical" ones.....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): Even if u do tell him it will amount to casual sex and not much more - but ethically it's very dubious to say the least. You seem to need to feel a sense of power by being able to get him to jumpy at the chance to have sex with you - maybe think about what's at the heart of that and recognise it as an Insecurity. It's a myth that most men over 40 want someone younger - they'll quickly get bored with the difference in age although may find it an ego boost initially
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 April 2014):
 Well, is he married? Have you EVEN considered that me might be? Or is your libido more important?
He is a teacher, you have a crush. It's PRETTY standard for young people (men and women) to develop crushes on their teachers/instructors/coaches - but ANY teacher WORTH a pot to pee in will NOT act on it (no matter if she is over 18 or not) because it isn't appropriate or professional.
You have chatted quite a bit, that doesn't mean you ACTUALLY know him. You know what he has chosen to divulge. Same as he knows what YOU have chosen to share.
If I were you I'd tread lightly here. He could be one of "those" teachers who spends quite a bit of time grooming some female student for a little fling. Where as you hope for actual love and romance - he could be looking for a roll in the hay with a young girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): I think it's just a crush and is better off avoided mentioning to anyone, him included, if you'd want anything more than casual sex.
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