A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidMy bf of 3 years tod told me that i look ugly, im stupid and i dont measure up to him and he wants to break up. We had problems before like he never spent anytime with me, always ignores me and never responds to my mails or texts.I struggled so hard not to complain about anything and not to expect anything from him. I couldnt bear that he said i dont measure up to him, and i am not smart enough for him and beautiful enough for him. I am 3 yrs older than him though. Is that really true what he said, i begged him that ill change and do whatever he wants me to do, he never responded. I feel so low and im an introvert dont hva much friends also. Dont know how to cope up thisPlease help me, pls.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 February 2013):
Treat him like the piece of shit he is and flush him.
I've never seen you before but let me tell you that this guy is emotionally abusive. Him telling you all these bad things should go in one ear and out the other because he was just saying it to hurt you. Only an abuser would say something like that, and because he's abusive his comments shouldn't be taken seriously.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 February 2013):
 If he wants to break up there is no way you can make him stay.
He does not spend time with you…. Strike one
He ignores you….
He never responds to your mail or your texts
He tells you your ugly
He tells you that your stupid
He tells you that you don’t measure up to him
You clearly don’t expect anything from him as all you are getting is abuse. OP, do you really think this is the best you can do?
My husband is 13 years younger than I am. I’m 53 and I look it… the other day we were in the car and I pulled down the visor to look in the mirror… we were on our way to see friends of mine I had not seen in over 2 years… and my husband the man who never says a nice thing to anyone said “honey you look beautiful, relax” THAT’S WHAT A MAN SAYS TO A WOMAN HE LOVES… without prompting… I tell you this because your “boyfriend” being 3 years younger than you is nothing… it’s not an excuse for him to be an abusive jerk.
It’s NOT true what he said. IF you believe it, then the issue is that you need to work on your self-esteem and self-worth and confidence. I strongly suggest some counseling to work on these issues. NOT couples counseling… I do not think there is any reason to even attempt to save this relationship but I am concerned that you need to work ON YOU. And you need to work on YOU FOR YOU not for him or anyone else. Once you love yourself enough, the right fellow will come along.
There is NOTHING you can do to change to please this guy.
The best thing to do. DO not contact him. And in a few weeks if he gets in touch with you, I would NOT speak to him. WHATEVER YOU DO, do not have any sexual contact with him at all. That will cloud the issue. Horny guys will say anything for an orgasm. IGNORE his pretend plea of “I’m sorry” and “I missed you”….
I would like to see you walk away from him. Get that therapy. Live well… and in the long run be glad a jerk like this wants out.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 February 2013):
Every time I touch a hot stove - it burns. How do I cope with this?Proceed accordingly....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): If he wants to break up with you. Let him break up with you. You can't force him to be with you!! And if he's verbally abusing you with all those nasty comments, it's crystal clear to see that he doesn't want you. There's plenty of men in this world, you can find better. Just leave him alone!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 February 2013):
 Why are you still with this abusive douche-bag? I'd dump his sorry ass in a heartbeat and find a GOOD man instead!
Prove him wrong by walking out. That would show him just how NOT stupid you are~
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (14 February 2013):
Dear OP,The solution is pretty obvious: This man's toxic to you so YOU have to break up with him. You struggled way too long to please this man and he's not treating you like he should. The time to be nice and patient and waiting for him to change is over.If you have already low self-esteem, there's nothing worse than being with a man like this who is verbally abusing you and putting you down. Don't believe what he says, he just says all those things he knows could hurt you and make you shut up. Really, don't even try to fix this relationship. You've tried for too long. Just leave. You can do better than that. It will be hard for you to cope, of course, because every break up is. But it's better than silently suffering and wasting your time with THAT man when you could be out there looking for a better one already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): First of all, you need to stop begging this man to give you another chance. The things he said to you are appalling and you are better off without him, even if you can't see that right now. He is not saying those things because he means them, he is saying them to hurt you and probably just because he knows you will take it.Secondly, you say you struggled not to complain about his poor treatment of you. Why? You have every right to ask for what you want in a relationship. Remember it's not all about him, you have wants and needs too and you should go into a relationship expecting to get out of it as much as you put in.I really think the best thing for you to do is to start doing some serious work on your self esteem. You have let this guy treat you terribly, yet you can't see it. You deserve a million times better, but while your self esteem is as low as this you are more likely to attract losers like this who will walk all over you. Please think about what I am saying. You need to start believing you deserve better treatment than this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): If you're ugly, stupid and not smart enough for him...why you become his gf...Don't waste your time with this kind of a person...Leave him!!!!He's a moron!!!!!He don't love you!!!!Maybe you're rich...he just wants your money....Mostly younger very irresponsible....find older than you...Mostly older than us...they are responsible and caring...they will protect us...
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