A
male
age
41-50,
*enkeman
writes:Hello All!Need some help with this one.My wife of 4.5 years wants to be able to spend the night at guy friends house.Heres the story,Throughout our relationship she has always had a close guy friend. Usually guys that will dote on her, give her a lot of attention. She doesn't work and receives disability. So she often goes to her medical appointments 2 hours away. She doesn't like to wake up early for these appointments so she has been staying at friends houses in the area overnight. She gets upset that I am angry about this. And I have gotten really angry.Rewind a little bit and I have caught her sending sexually explicit emails to one of these friends. However nothing had ever come of it even way after I had found it. I know she would never cheat on me physically, but I also know she would have an emotional affair. She has been in therapy our entire marriage for a personality disorder BPD to be specific, but with the 4 years of therapy she is now better according to her therapist. She is not happy living here and wants to have more of a social life she says. And of course me getting upset about this "pushes her away" and "I need to work on my anger issues". Anyways the relationship with this new guy is unclear to me but all I can go on is that they have a lot in common, and she has fun hanging out with him and his group of friends. I have yet to meet him. I should add our sex life is terrible (about once every other week) and she is also in sex therapy. Should I continue to give this relationship my all or just leave somebody that probably will never change and continue to switch from guy friend to guy friend?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 May 2012):
1 - She cannot "work" but wants to enjoy and "active social life?" Ok, for starters how about getting the-fk back to work and stop living off others taxes?
2 - Staying over another guys house is complete BS. You're a fool to allow it.
A
male
reader, MrWombat  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 "Should I continue to give this relationship my all or just leave somebody that probably will never change and continue to switch from guy friend to guy friend?"Yeah, doesn't sound good. *PLAN* your divorce. Don't let it just happen. PLenty of advice on the web. Don't forget to clear your browser history after researching it."personality disorder BPD to be specific"Jesus - you married a borderline? You chump. Get out."She gets upset that I am angry about this." … "And of course me getting upset about this "pushes her away" and "I need to work on my anger issues""CLASSIC BORDERLINE. Everything is *your* fault, and nothing is her fault. I repeat the same advice I give to everyone entangled with a BPD person: GET OUT.(PS: "personality disorder" is psyche-speak for "just plain evil")
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 May 2012):
I think the relationship you have with your wife certainly goes out of the boundaries of a normal one. I don't know if therapy and all these issues are excuses to ignore your own feelings but it seems like the "better" she gets the less she has come to rely on you. Btw if you are upset about what she is doing, I think she obviously needs to consider your feelings instead of throwing it back at your face and making it seem like you are the one with the problem.
Your wife seems very lazy and she needs to get out there and be active with her life. I personally think that she is spoilt AND prolly cheating on you. Just my assumptions though but, seriously, why are you letting her walk over you?
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (21 May 2012):
 "She doesn't like to wake up early for these appointments so she has been staying at friends houses in the area overnight."
I'm sorry, dude, but this is the biggest load of bullsh*t I've ever heard. She would rather stay over at a "friend's" house rather than get up early for an appointment? Sorry, but she IS cheating on you. As the guy who have gotten many girls to cheat on their partners, I can tell you for a fact that this is one bogus escuse.
I've told girls to use similar escuses such as telling thier boyfriend that their car broke down and a friend will pick them up, or to start an argument with their partner so they can use the oppurtunity to storm out in a rage only to find themselves staying with me for a couple hours. It's a past I'm not particulary proud of but it was something I did recklessly just to have these girls to myself.
Now as a reformed individual, I'm telling you that your wife is up to no good. The lack of sex also proves it. She's getting it from somewhere else. . .and it's better than the one you're giving her. It's up to you whether or not you want to keep being used. But I'm telling you that your wife has fallen for a guy friend so much so that she will actually consider sleeping over at his place. . .with you knowing it. Divorce her. She has no respect for you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Tell her you are going to serve her the divorce papers if she went to stay at her guy friend. She can be social with people in your town. She has to learn to adapt to the community and realize that she has more talent than her sexuality, well that's an illusion too but her guy friend does not know that. Okay I understand as a person with disability she is afraid to be judged. She can volunteer at an animal shelter or babysit. She can develop interests and hobbies that stimulate her mind. Exercise is also very good for her brain. This is your advice you give to her and if she doesn't take it oh well too bad she is on her own again and she has to find another guy friend and turn him into a victim husband.
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