A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife insists on having rules for sex, no oral unless we are freshly out of the shower. No cumming on her face or in her mouth. And no matter what, I have not convinced her even once to swallow.I love her dearly but, I think this kills the spark a little bit, I mean, sure being clean is understandable, but sometimes I'd like to just get home and be fellated before I can realize what's going on, but because of the rules on top that will never probably never happen...I've tried talking to her she won't budge, what do you think?...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): People get so caught up in rules and routine mundane things
and forget they were once boyfriend and girlfriend and lovers. Lovers don't have strict rules nor do they request one way sexual favours...they simply do what is natural to how they feel together, the chemistry that exists between them takes over...my personal opinion is one should want to touch everywhere on their lovers body with no ughhhhhhhh however you may both have forgotten a little ...both remember to be lovers not robots that's where it's heading.
spunky monkey.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Those "rules" as you call them are nothing out of the ordinary. You have just described what is basically a normal woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Let me guess. You've been watching so much porn that you believe women are actually into this. Porn depicts women as being completely enthralled with this ... therefore you wonder what's wrong with your wife.
The fact is ... you should be asking yourself how many women... prior to your wife... were into this (and I mean women who weren't paid). Chances are that there were precisely zero... unless they were complete sluts and a little psycho.
Let's turn the tables. You come home from work and she demands that you go down on her immediately... fights with you about it... and complains when you won't.
How hot would you be?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):
What ever happend to passion...:( forget after the shower, get in it together. Cleaning is domestic work...nothing wrong with a bit of hay in your hair, and sand in ya pants,
in the moment is best.
Spunky monkey (no pun intended) :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): First of all, thanks for your answers, however, I don't think you understood what i meant, I probably didn't explain properly, so I apologize for that.
I would never force my wife to do anything, I love her dearly and she loves me dearly too, I more meant that she's getting more and more strict by the day, now I don't mind for the most part, but sometimes you want a little spice and I believe this sets of rules are killing that spice. We've been married for 3 years now and these are things she did not completely dislike when we first got together (except for the swallowing which I admit was a no-no since the very beginning), however, slowly but surely some stuff is just fading away to never come back, I mean, I understand she can't be in the mood for a BJ everyday, or any other specific thing for that matter, I just meant once it's gone it's gone, and it'll never come back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): I have been married 10 years. My man works 6 days a week, it's a physically challenging, mentally exhausting job. He is an caring father, loving son, crazy brother, sweet uncle, kind friend and a damn good lover. He is my husband and he gave me 3 and one on the way little monsters, and when he walks thru that door after work and he wants or needs a blowjob, he gets one. It keeps him him sane, makes him feel real good and very happy ( don't worry ladies, He fulfills my desires as needed and wanted too). If he wants me to go all Porno (c'mon he's a guy) on him, I do it, because it's love and compromise and we are in this together, for a very long time. The reality is Sex can be messy, embarrassing, and hilarious, and if you do it with the right person, it's Amazing plus all those other things I said before...I wish you and your wife the best.There must be other hang-ups in your relationship. Communicate. Figure it out, try counseling. Don't get me wrong, it's not always rainbows and butterflies,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Being jumped on as soon as you get home from work seems to be a fantasy a lot of men have. Get around the rules by having some sexy chats with her from work so shes in the mood. Then have a good wash down below before you leave work and change your underwear. Let her know you will be arriving home 'apple fresh' down there and ask if she could fulfill your fantasy as soon as you arrive. Im sure it will happen. Then ask her what fantasy she has that you can fulfill for her. Its a two way street.
As for swallowing. Its not everyones favorite thing to do. Try drinking your own semen as it might help you to understand why a lot of people dont enjoy doing it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): I don't like swallowing as well nor do I enjoy having a man come home and telling me to give him a bj the minute he comes home. I love my man, but he's been quite understanding at the fact that I don't like swallowing. Tried it a couple of times (first time I swallowed, I gagged and ran to the bathroom and upchucked. THought I'd give it one more chance...tried it and I gave it my best and still yet, I just can't do it.) My man understands and never forces me to do it. I asked him if he feels like he's missing out and he says no (though I think he's just syaing it to keep me from feeling like a no good wife). We do other things like use toys that he'd like to experiment with, massages, and our imaginations. We let each other know how much we love and appreciate the other. Compromise and communication is key!
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A
male
reader, rivi  +, writes (12 December 2010):
Well what was going on in these discussions BEFORE you got married ?
Has she suddenly dropped all the adventurous / dirty stuff you [ and lets be honest maybe most men ] want ?
How can you complain now if this was the deal before the wedding ?
Whatever the answer to the above you just have to decide how important the sexual incompatibility is and whether it's a deal breaker. Personally, if there are no children to worry about you might be best off parting amicably and advertising for a compatible sexy creature.
If there are kids you'll just have to grin and bear it : you seem to be getting some sex at least as one of the aunts below mentions......
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A
female
reader, loveistheanswer +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Honestly, if this is your only complaint about your wife, be happy! It is understandable, that unless you are a person with a strong stomach, you will not want to give an unfresh blowjob, or get cum on your face or swallow.
But please keep in mind that this is coming from someone who does give her husband a blowjob no matter what the condition of his area (although most of the time he is selfconscious and wants to take a shower before he'll let me), and I'm someone that does swallow, but only on very rarely when it feels to him in the moment that he wants it because most of the time he doesn't want to make me do that... also we don't ever do the cum on the face thing I guess because he never found it appealing, and I certainly will not push the issue if he doesn't want it... now keep in mind that I am someone with a strong stomach, who can clean up blood, poop, urine, vomit etc without too much of a gag reflex... many people are not like that...
Also, we don't do anal, because it hurts me so much, and my husband doesn't want to have to take the time it would take to do it slow and gentle enough to not make it hurt....
My point is this... many of us women are willing to do a lot to please our husbands, but there are sometimes things we JUST CAN'T DO... not because we don't want to but because we really can't do it, it would be so painful and or unpleasant that it would totally defeat the point of the act, which is supposed to be pleasant and painfree.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): It sounds like you want her to become wild and unpredictable, and occasionally rip your pants off with little notice...
First, doesn't sound like the kind of gal you married, and, be glad you didn't - these types are hard to live with and often make great first ex-wives!
At least she'll blow you... look on the bright side, some guys can't even get their dick sucked...
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A
female
reader, mysticpurple  +, writes (12 December 2010):
Hi there
Well being clean is understandable, it comes down to personal preferences and your wife prefers not to... yes its making you unhappy but didnt you know this before you got married?
If you already talked about it and she wont budge not much you can do.
as for being ravaged when you come in from work have you tried making the first move?
Maybe theres someone else wrong with your relationship... reading between the lines.
You need to find out what that is and try and sort it or leave.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Well, actually, I like those rules!
You want to have a blowjob before you know what's going on? Well, did you urinate at all while you were working? I'm guessing yes, you don't have a cast-iron bladder. Also, sweat buildup on top of urination makes it kinda nasty for one's nose down there.
As for the "no cumming" and "no swallowing", it's not fun to get blasted in the face by hot semen! That stuff can get in the eyes, hair, clothes. And unless you only eat fruit on a daily basis, what you eat comes out in the semen, so it can be gross to swallow. Would you like to swallow a cup of your own semen? It's kinda gross to a lot of women.
Marriage is about compromise! I'm guessing your wife doesn't like oral sex as it is, and is compromising to please you. Don't pressure her to swallow, to accept a blast of your mucousy semen in the face, and to suck on the same organ you probably peed out of 2 hours beforehand.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Honestly those all seem like things she is grossed out by. And i doubt youll b able to change her mind. Maybe try telling her that you respect her rules, but you want to spice it up. You miss the thought of coming home and having her etc etc. Ask her if maybe you guys can wrk something out. Plus there are tons of othr things you guys can do that her rules dont rule out ;)
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A
female
reader, Merilee  +, writes (12 December 2010):
I think you have to respect your wifes boundaries. I hope that they were discussed before you married so both of you knew what you were getting.
I have rules, no backdoor, no videos, no pain and no extra participants. My fiance knows this, and agrees that these are not his wants either.
If he wanted any of the above sexualy, he can go look elsewhere, I wont budge, and nor do I have to. Just like your wife.
If it "kills" the spark for you, I suggest learning to deal with it and quit being so selfish.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (12 December 2010):
 You can't force her to do things she doesn't want to.
Just be grateful you're getting it at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Sounds like you two need a compromise. After all, you have needs. Perhaps maybe try suggesting to do "special" things on "special" days like birthdays, anniversaries, haha Christmas is comin' up too and new years. Good luck.
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