A
male
age
41-50,
*haratshah
writes:The nightmare started when I came to know about her affairs. My wife was not even sure whether the child belongs to me or not. The DNA result claims that its mine.I was deeply in love with my wife, that I wrote her name on my body thru tattoo which was her first valentine gift. My wife grew up at her close relatives where she never received adequate love from her father. The beginning period of our marriage was great but suddenly she started to feel sad and lonely as if I framed couple of things during marriage and brought her abroad. She started to come close to one of our close relative ( married and has 2 adult kids) which turned out to be an emotional affair. Their closeness turned into physical affair where she even forgot to have sex with condom. She was so blind in love and sex that listened to that person about using the pills while having sex so they can enjoy it. She might have a sex with me also during that time period using pills so that if something goes wrong then the child can be mine and that person is safe with his semen because of pills. She forgot to take pills and luckily his semen got fertilized not mine.She was thinking to give me a divorce at that time where her pregnancy came in-between. I was in love with her at that time so didn’t agree for divorce. I am pretty much sure that the culture and relationship also played an important part where there was no way for them to get married or live together. Their affair never lasted long and I came to know about her incident where she claimed about her affairs and asked me for forgiveness by saying that “please try to forgive me – I know I have made big mistake and I will be your slave for whole life”. I tried to forgive her but somehow became an alcoholic and went for sex at massage parlors. The only difference was that I informed her about my incident where as she tried to hide it..She suffered from a serious illness soon after and was barely able to survive so I decided to never drink again and told her to start a new life where it will be only me and her. She still has that grudge about “going outside for affairs and because of me as I was not able to take care of her in the beginning of the marriage”. I still try to let it go as women have tendencies of arguing things without any logic. As we all live in a fast track western culture life, I asked my wife about blowjob and other fantasy but she was not ready for it. She treats such kind of things as “dirty” . I might be wrong or forward in asking too much to my wife but what about the enjoyment and satisfaction that she got. I don’t know how and what do people enjoy during affairs but if she can have sex without using condoms just to get the enjoyment ( I guess so ) then why not blowjob? When ever I ask her about her sex during the affair, she tries to deny that there was oral sex involved as the person was twice her age but she claims that the person did go down on her and performed cunnilingus to make her wild.There was a time when I was in deep love and she wanted to divorce me but now I want to divorce her and she is in love with me and wants to live with me.I don’t know if I am asking too much in return as a blowjob for what she did or it’s just the lust on my part and if it’s only my lust then what about hers lust during affairs?She always claims to be ignorant of such kind of things (as its not western culture) but has knowledge about getting enjoyment without using condom. She was more worried about her fat body and don't allow me to kiss her vagina, so I told her that I never looked at her body and I have accepted her not her body but still she keeps on thinking.We all get that freedom to become naughty in affairs but not during the regular life where ethics, rules, regulations comes in between. I am pretty much sure that if I ask her about anal sex, or watching the erotic movies together then it will be the same reply about dirtiness. We had an argument about this and I reminded her what she said to me that “forgive me, give me a chance, slave and will do everything etc “ so why not now and her response was that those wordings/speech came out because of tenseness and fear which means that basically those words have no meaning. It was simply a king of sympathy that every woman wants.I know every woman wants sympathy, attention, love towards them where they won't be able to give the same level to sex to men. Bottom line, if you love somebody then you will always think about sacrifice but when it dies all sort of excuses arise. I don’t know if it’s my ego, revenge or lust and that’s why I though to ask you about divorcing her is the right decision or not.Sorry for the brief and long message.Thankyou,
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affair, alcoholic, anal sex, blow-job, condom, divorce, oral sex, period, revenge, semen, tattoo, the pill, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 December 2013):
 It all sounds like one big mess, BOTH of you are guilty at doing things that doesn't belong in a marriage, whether you hide them or not.
It's so toxic and sickening that you two have a child and RAISE a child though all this. And all YOU think of is how entitled you are to a blowjob and if you don't get one it's divorce and how she thinks she can cheat left and right and still be a good wife.
You two need to divorce and BOTH get some type of counseling, because if either of you start dating again, it's going to be the shame show, different cast, I bet you.
Only YOU can decide if you have had enough of all this dysfunction, and IF you are MAN enough to own up to your own mistakes and be a better man for a future partner and father for your child in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): I"m a woman and I don't want a man's "sympathy". I don't know your or your wife's background, religious views or anything like that, but perhaps your wife genuinely thinks giving you a blow job is "dirty" and you seem to be more hung on the fact that she won't give you a blow job or do sexually adventurous things with you in bed.I think you are a holding a very big grudge over your wife for having an affair and you haven't forgiven her. It sounds as if you resent her and are constantly wondering what she did in bed with her "partner". If your partner isn't comfortable with doing certain things in bed, then respect that and if you can't respect that then at least try to ease her into it. Personally I'd go with the divorce.YOu need someone sexually adventurous and she has no emotional connection to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): You and your wife have grown completely apart. There is no emotional connection. Just fighting and bickering over sex acts. The story sounds awful.
She has sex with other men, and feels it's dirty to give you a blowjob? That lady is too much! She doesn't like having sex with you. She prefers to be with other men.
Soon as you take her back,she'll go right back to her same
old cheating ways.
She only comes back; because you will forgive and financially support her. You will work and pay the bills.
Time to stop all this drama and end the marriage. It is a mess. Full of adultery, distrust, and lies.
You must financially support the children no matter what. There really is no way to salvage your feelings or your marriage. She will drive you back to drinking.
It is a terrible environment to raise your children. She'll promise you anything to keep you around to pay the bills.
You can still forgive her. You don't have to stay married to her.
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