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male
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*omebody
writes: My wife had an affair 2 years ago. She lied that she was going to her sister's house, but went to the hotel with someone else several times. We have since tried to reconcile, and are doing marriage counseling trying to save what's left of our marriage. Things don't seem to be going well, but we've only been in counseling for a couple months. We have 3 children, which makes divorce a little more complicated for me because I cannot imagine only seeing my children on weekends or part-time. I need to be there to play with them, do homework, read to them and tuck them in every night. How long should I give counseling before I give up on our marriage? I am miserable living with my wife, but can't leave my kids.And what about this. . .My wife said she went to her friend's house the other night. She called home from her friend's house to be sure the number came up on the caller ID to prove she was there (she would normally use her cell phone). Then she forgot my birthday the next day - I didn't even get a "Happy Birthday" from her. I've been with her for 10 years and she has never forgotten my birthday before. She doesn't feel as if she's done anything wrong and I am being too sensitive about my birthday. This all had me suspicious that she is seeing someone else again, and her mind preoccupied, so she forgets about her husband. Am I paranoid because of my wife's past affair, or am I justified in thinking that history is just repeating itself? I feel like the trust will never come back into our relationship. I don't know what to do. Am I just begin insecure, or is she steppin' out on me again? How can I tell the difference?
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female
reader, luvme247  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 Don't stay together because of the kids. If you can not look at her the same because of what she did to you & if you know deep down in your heart that you can not truly forgive her for cheating on you, then you need to divorce her. You shouldn't be miserable. The kids will be fine. You can work out joint custody. I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer. Find out from them how to go about it.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 March 2007):
 Sorry this has happened. If the counseling doesn't help in the long run you may need to divorce. Once trust is broken it very hard to recover and even then there is still going to be a scar. If you divorce you may be able to be granted custody of the children and she will be the one see them part-time. Judges don't always grant it to the mothers any more.
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female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (7 March 2007):
Unfortunatly trust is the one thing that keeps a relationship solid and healthy. well done in seeking counselling, i can see that you have done your share.Trust is very much a mental issue, if you really want to, you can block your mind and give your wife all the benefit of the doubts, but it seems like the doubts are still there because of her constant behaviour. Are you sure you still love her? It sounds like that love has faded and if you are just staying in for the kids then im afraid there is more harm done, than not. Your kids will eventually understand and it will make you all happier and stronger people, besides I dont think you will lose your custody with them. It seems like the only one whos gone against the law is your wife by having that affair. Its not an easy process, divorce, but sometimes you have to sacrifice to get the happiness, not just for you, but for your kids too!!
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