A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am a seventeen year old Indian girl. My father passed away in December 2013. Since February this year my father's best friend, Max, who is a married white man has been visiting us at least twice a week and sleeps over. He is a salesman for a large company from another town. At first I thought nothing about it as he used visit while my father was alive and would sometimes sleep over, but a month after he started visiting us I saw him going into my mother's bedroom. the next morning he left early and I could my mother was in high spirits. since then it has become a regular thing. About once a month he spends the whole weekend with us. He arrives on Friday and only leaves on Monday. My mother enjoys his company. My mother and Max spend the weekend together in my mother's bedroom.I am in a dilemma. Should I tell my mother that I know that she is having sex with Max, her late husband's best friend or should let them carry on, pretending that I do not know that Max is having sex with her. Please advise me.A-----[names changed or obscured by moderator]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2014): I thank all of you who so kindly responded to my question - My widowed mother is sleeping with a married man. Just after I wrote to you Max and his wife visited us. It appears that my mother and Max and his wife wanted me to know that Max is sleeping with my mother and that Max has his wife's permission to sleep with my mother. Max's wife explained to me that my mother was very lonely and that rather than have an affair with some one whom she did not know Max's wife suggested that Max sleep with my mother and satisfy her sexual needs. All three were happy with the arrangement. I have accepted that my mother needs sex and that Max is the best person to have sex with my mother as he was my father's friend and my mother knows him well. I told my mother and Max and his wife that I understand the situation and I am very happy that that Max's wife is so understanding and letting her husband have sex with my mother.thank you once again to all of you.A......
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 November 2014):
 I think you should leave well enough alone. Your mother is a grown woman and doesn't need to be taught any lessons by you. And you're old enough that you should not be traumatized by what's going on. I understand you may not like it, but I don't know that confronting her will help any.
Your mother is lonely and Max is someone familiar and safe to her. And he is someone she can reminisce about your father with. Maybe the fact that he's married allows her to feel safe that he's not going to pressure her into jumping into a new relationship. I'm not justifying what they're doing. Just explaining why they might be doing it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (12 November 2014):
 I understand how you feel and its a normal reaction. My father passed away and 2 months later my mother (78) had found her childhood sweetheart and moved in with him. I was shocked/hurt/disappointed. But guess what? She's a grown woman and has right to do what she deems is right for her. It is really none of my business because they were both widowed, and not hurting anyone.
It is a little different in your mom's situation since the man is married..but that's something that the two of them have to deal with. I wouldn't say anything sweetie. I honestly don't know what good could come out of it. They both know what they are doing right or wrong. It isn't your place to get involved.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 November 2014):
 I understand why you feel shocked by this. We all have a perception of our parents. I don't agree with cheating AT ALL, but I do think your mom is OLD enough to know what she is doing.
I would NOT assume to tell my parents how to live their lives.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 November 2014):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim that it's NOT your place to say anything.
Mom and Max are grown adults and for all you know Max and his wife have an agreement that he's allowed to visit your mother and your father gave his blessing before he died.
Children often think they have a right to say things about how their parents choose to live. They do not.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 November 2014):
 It is none of your business if your mother is having sex, or who she is having sex with.
I should imagine if Max is spending whole weekends in your mother's bedroom your mother will have already assumed you are old enough to know they are not playing tiddly winks in there!
I would not raise the subject with her.
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