A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help. She is my very bestfriend for 17 Years. WE See really good with each other. I care for her. I know her very much and everything what she do is open to me. Thats how she trust me. My Problem is, i visited Her 2 months ago. Thats also the first time i meet her live in partner for almost 10 years and a father of her son. And they both planning to get married soon. Her Partner is a very very kind person he is so nice that my conscience can Not handle IT anymore because i know my best friend is cheating on him for so long already with different mans. Just the same like what she did on her ex husband. But her ex husband was smart enough to find IT out by himself.im trying to just ignpre what she is doing, but last month she go for a holiday with her son in asia and meet the other man. I feel so sorry to her partner who has no idea what my best Friend is doing. There is a time, i told her to stop it but she just answered nee, she is just playing no serious matters.i know its Not my life and not my Thing but i feel really sorry to her soon to be a husband. I can easily prove IT to her fiancee that she is cheating but it will also cost that my best friend will loss the father of her son. What shall i do???
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male
reader, Hot Cup of Tea  +, writes (9 September 2017):
You say she is your friend but her behaviour obviously appalls you. You have seen the hurt she has caused in her previously relationship and this time it is worse as not only will her soon be husband sufferd but also her son. Not only is cheating she could be opening him up to all sorts of STD's. I do not agree with those saying you should keep out of it. The fact is that I hope that people stand up for what they believe in and not think well its not happening to me so I will stand aside and watch the fall out. I do think though that instead of talking directly to him you should speak once again and this time be more direct. Tell her she can either tell him or you will.You may lose a friend (although I think you have probably outgrown her) but your heart and morals will be intact and I think that is far more important.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2017): She is your best friend...rember that.Do you want to betray that? Do you want to lose your friendship forever?Me...I would be loyal to my friend and not tell. Her relationship is her business not yours.It is her secret to tell not yours.Do you secretly want her man?Sounds like it to me.I would be a loyal non judgemental friend she could come too if she needed me.Never ever insert yourself into someone else's relationship....not your problem.No one likes a tattletale....grow up.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 August 2017):
 I wager from a man’s perspective, prior to him getting married, he would want to know of this cheating and at the same time not wishing to know it were true.
IF you intend on exposing her and you have 100+% PROOF of her cheating nowadays, and he’s not of a liberal mind to accept these affairs, I think you could indirectly ask her live-in-partner if he’s aware of the reason why her and Ex divorced.
Whatever the consequences it will be your 17 year friendship, and you may well bear the guilt of their breakup. Yet she could have confessed her Sins to someone more appropriate or carried this shame to her grave?
Instead she chose to confess/unload her deceitful ways onto a friends shoulder, to weigh on your moral shoulders, not hers, to put you to the test of secrecy?
Personally I would not call her a friend for doing to this to me. This is not a true friendship to put someone in this position?
Truly she is not sorry (until she is caught) for what she is doing, yet you’re the one with a conscious?
I cannot imagine how you would you feel at their Wedding when the Minister/Celebrant says;"If anyone has a reason for these 2 not to be married, speak now?"
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (21 August 2017):
NO.
Let them find out with time. You don't need to be part of that problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2017): I would stay out of it, you are her friend, not his, whatever happens, he is going to still be the father of her son, I would not thank you for telling me if I was him as you are a stranger
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (20 August 2017):
Unless there is a crime involved always side with your friend. So no you don't tell her partner. What goes on in their relationship is their business not yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2017): I would DEFINITELY want to know if my boyfriend was cheating on me!
Rather than waste years of my life with him while he continuously breaks my heart and lies and makes a fool out of me.
The longer I stayed with a filthy, lying cheat, the less opportunity I would have to find the RIGHT guy, one who treated me with the love and respect I deserve.
It is cruel to cheat. Just as cruel to remain quiet and allow this person to cheat on their significant other.
So many people say why tell and hurt the one who is being cheated on?
The cheater is hurting the one they are cheating on. Not the person who tells. THE CHEATER is responsible for hurting that person!
Because it is kinder to know the truth - AND MOVE ON - than to spoon fed somebody lies for the rest of your life. And live in some delusional fantasy. Where you will eventually find out and get HURT even more! I truly believe every cheater will be exposed. Not a matter of IF. It's a matter of WHEN.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2017): If someone was cheating on me, I think I would rather find out than not know at all.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (20 August 2017):
I would 2nd the advise that WiseOwlE has given you.However i would say that you are Her friend and she trusts you.While the whole situation is sad from an outsiders view[which is you]no one knows what the man in questions knows.So it is not really up to you to interfere with your best friends life.They should be able to deal with their relationship their own way and Not have a 3rd party involved.So would be best to stand back and leave well alone.After all the child welfare is the most important.Remember sometimes in life by doing Nothing...you are doing something.Kind wishes NORA B.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2017): Whether you tell him or not, they both have a son together and he remains a part of her life. If he marries her; he will have a chance to be a full-time father to his son. It gives his son full birthrights and his last name. It's a win-win for his son; even if the marriage doesn't workout.
She just might find herself on the losing-end of a child-custody battle; and it all may end in an annulment or divorce. In any event, he'll find-out whether you tell him or not. Best you keep your nose clean, and out of her business.
You can tell him if you actually feel it's your responsibility to be so deeply involved in her personal-life. I'm not sure whether that will stop him from marrying her; or if telling him helps in any way. Sometimes people don't marry because they love each other, it's for the other reasons.
The thing is, we don't always know the inner-workings of relationships between other people. Sometimes marriages are really just a matter of convenience and from the outside looking in; you don't know what he already knows. I think his only interest is his son. He'd rather be there for him, regardless of his mother's ways.
I think others may suggest you tell him. I feel you should let him deal with his own relationship. If he doesn't know the woman he is marrying; perhaps it would be best he learn the hard way.
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