A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I asked a question awhile back, and now things have progressed and I need HELP! This is the link to my first question...http://www.dearcupid.org/question/our-female-room-mate-who-has-a-crush.html(RECAP: My female roommate has, on multiple occassions, come out of her room or the bathroom naked. I wasn't sure if this was a gesture towards my bf, who she had expressed interest in in the past. The lovely Agony Aunts and Uncles and I had collectively decided that it was.)I talked to my roommate about coming out naked in front of my boyfriend, explaining that this made me very uncomfortable, especially because of how she had flirted with him so much in the past. She had made jokes about sleeping with him while I was away, and we had discussed it and had put it behind us. Or so I thought.After I brought this up, and asked her to please make sure she was covered when he was around, she thought that this was a ridiculous request! She doesn't see why it isn't ok to walk to the bathroom from her bedroom totally naked, because it isn't specifically sexual. I told her that I would be ok with even just a towel or even just underwear! Just not entirely naked!She thinks I am being unreasonable and puritanical. I am really stressed and I don't know what to do! I can't make rent without her living here.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): Apart from doing what the other aunts suggest and kicking her backside out, I would play a prank on her to embarrass her. Sure that's quite petty but she has shown no regard for you (especially kidding to you that she has slept with him...wtf?!) so I don't see why you shouldn't have a cheeky laugh even if if does only briefly satisfy your 'inner child'.How about having some friends, parents, colleagues...whatever...over but tell her that your man is coming over instead. Out of the bathroom she gets completely buff expecting to impress your man only to find a room full of strangers (although I would definitely inform your poor guests of your issue prior so they dont get as big a shock as your roommate!). Laugh and enjoy. I would be very surprised if she ever did it again!
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Sorry, one more thing...
Don't feel obliged to make uncomfortable compromises for the sake of peace. A towel or just underwear is NOT enough when guests are visiting. She should be fully dressed or remain in her room. Not only is that basic etiquette, it's also a sign of self respect.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (19 November 2012):
In addition to what the others have already said...
Your room mate actually doesn't think you are being unreasonable or puritanical. She just accuses you of it to guilt you into shutting up so she can continue doing what she likes.
And she most certainly does understand why her conduct is inappropriate. Playing dumb is a very old tactic people use to buy themselves time. The thinking is once they 'understand' and see the validity of your concerns their conscience will compel them to alter their behaviour. As long as they play dumb they can keep doing what they're doing...guilt free.
For your own sanity you've got to stop explaining the basics to people. Your room mate was born and raised on the same planet as the rest of us. She didn't get this far without learning a thing or two along the way. She doesn't need the unabridged version of 'How to Get Along with People. Lesson 1'. She knows exactly what she's doing.
And finally, consider this...if she thought your boyfriend was a repulsive, creepy guy, she certainly wouldn't be strutting her stuff in front of him, because she wouldn't want him to get ANY ideas.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): you bf could try making a jibe at her body but not sure you wanna stoop that low
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 You're not the crazy one, she is. This is basic manners, she isn't living out in the jugle like some Tarzan and Jane after all. If she wants to "go native" she can live outside. If she wants the comfort of a civilized home then... be civil. Simple logic.
Either she can go join a nudist camp, or you could just tell her that next time you'll wait for her to walk out naked, and film her with your phone, and show it to anyone who is interested. Lets see if she wont put on some clothes then.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 November 2012):
 Oppps typo.. should have said:
IT would NOT kill her - not I lol...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 November 2012):
Look for a new room mate - kick this girl out, and when you get a new room mate SET her down and go over the "rules" of your house.
I'm sorry I'm not the LEAST bit puritanical, but when you live with a room mate you simply do NOT walk around naked - unless.... you live in a nudist colony.
I would NOT kill her to have a bathrobe for the trip to and from the shower.
Now if she lived with HER bf or alone she could be naked 24/7 - hell she could cook bacon naked for all I care, but if you have TOLD her it's NOT OK in YOUR home - it's NOT OK.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all! Yeah, she is certainly not a friend anymore. This has got to end, so I will definitely be scouting for a new roommate! I'm glad I'm not crazy, like she is making me out to be.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 You're caught in a power struggle, and can only "win" it when you tell your roommate to leave. If that means a month or two of tight money - until you locate another roommate - then that will, ultimately, prove to be a small price to put an end to this matter....
Good luck....
P.S. You can start LOOKING for your new roommate right now, and maybe avoid any delay at all!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): I think Oldbag has nailed it. Both of you talk to her and say you BOTH find it unacceptable and give her notice to quit. This person is taking advantage of your good nature, so have your boyfriend on hand to back you up on this issue. It has nothing to do with being puritanical it is a very basic issue of common courtesy/decency. Of which she has none! Then start looking for someone else to share with and make sure you give them the ground rules from the get go. Trust me, a decent girl will have no problem with the `no nakedness in shared areas` rule. This girl is clearly going naked because she`s wanting your man to see the `goods`. She is not nice and IS a threat to your relationship, so give her the elbow.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 Hi
I suggest you AND your boyfriend together, sit her down and tell her its unacceptable and as she cant live by the 'no naked' rules, you are now lookig for a new lodger.If you give her 4-8 weeks notice it gives you time to find somebody else.Start advertising.
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