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My past still bothers me. What can I do about it?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 April 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 13 April 2011)
A female Canada age 26-29, anonymous writes:

as a kid i was molested or was touched by my sisters bf's son... a month later his dad hits on me ...

and another guy touched me while i was in my teens..things like this kept happening to me...

so that's how i started dressing like a boy i still do n i cant see myself being feminine as i want to because of what kept happening to me.

i find it stupid n i should just get over it .

but its a different story when i drink i barely remember i black out mostly every time i do and i just remember me crying about it.

i dont remember what i say i always do this

i feel like im crazy from the way i am when i am drunk

my bf tells me sometimes he knows what about my past.

it just gets me depressed i feel so grossed out about myself what can i do about all this sh** i went through?

View related questions: depressed, drunk

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011):

Get help, immediately, you need it.

You are not alone, my wife has had all this happen, and couldn't talk about it till we were married for nearly 20 years. I just kissed her goodbye at my office a few minutes ago, and the woman is the most wonderful person I've ever known. After what she has told me, I'm surprised she is even here today. Help is available, but you have to work hard at it.

(My wife told me that the hardest thing she ever did was open up and start talking, "walking through fire" was what she described it as. It took a while to break through though, even after starting counseling. One day we left the counselors office and she was trembling visibly, and she hadn't started talking yet, but was near to it, the damn broke a few weeks later.)

References for you:

There is nothing wrong with YOU, there is something wrong, and it is what was done and what is happening to you. You need to try to break the cycle. YOU are not the problem, but your reactions to things that have happened are self destructive. Working with help, you can turn that to constructive actions, not just responses.

Sorry, but the alcohol probably makes you feel much better, and you have to get it out of your life, forever, because of what it does to you and what happens when it goes away as it wears off. No mind altering substances of any type.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (13 April 2011):

tennisstar88 agony aunt

Above is a link LazyGuy was referring to. It's the Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Center.

It would be best to contact them to see if there are any support groups in your area that you can attend or perhaps they can recommend an individual therapist you can see to help you. Get in contact with these people, and lay off of the booze.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (13 April 2011):

LazyGuy agony auntSeek help.

Child/sexual molestation is not something you can just get over. It doesn't affect everyone the same way but clearly it is affecting you badly. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of kids unfortunately experience this and many need help to deal with it.

I don't know how things are arranged in Canada but most countries got general help lines for people in distress, often the number is shown after documentaries on issues. They can point you in the right direction.

Trying to drown the pain in alcohol or just trying to forget isn't working. So, get help. Sometimes you just can't do it alone.

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