A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This doesn't really have anything to do with relationships, but I need some advice. I hate hate hate being the oldest sibling. I have one younger sister, 15 years old, and I love her to bits but she is driving me insane right now. Ever since she was in 8th grade, she has been incredibly boy crazy. I know there's nothing wrong with that, most girls go through that phase, but here's the deal: I was not allowed to date until I was 16. No boyfriend, no changing my relationship status on Facebook, no going on dates, no boys over to the house, etc. And I was fine with that because I've never really been the boy-crazy type. I had one boyfriend who turned out to be a complete psycho, but I didn't date him until I was almost a senior in high school. My sister has already had 3 or 4 boyfriends and the only thing my parents have said is that she is not allowed to go on "dates" with these boys, but they come over to our house and are allowed to go upstairs and be alone with my sister, etc. She lets guys use her (one guy tried to pressure her into having sex with him when she was just a freshman) and she might have done it, too, if my mom hadn't found out about it.On top of this, she is not disciplined whatsoever. I'm not claiming to be the perfect child and I've have my fair share of fights with my mom and dad, but when my parents try and discipline my sister, she has a fit and goes absolutely ballistic, screaming at all of us and slamming the door. Then my mom will come and talk to me about it but if I say anything that she doesn't want to hear, she starts yelling at ME and telling me I'm a terrible person and I hate my sister, etc. My sister is never punished. For instance, she was supposed to be grounded from her phone today and then it rang at dinner and she just went and answered it (on top of her being grounded, we aren't allowed to have our phones at the dinner table). No one said anything to her. Then, I was trying to show my dad something on my iPad and my mom started getting angry at me because we "aren't allowed to have technology at dinner." When I pointed out that Sister had had her phone when she wasn't supposed to, mom said, 'That is completely irrelevant, you're just trying to start a fight with your sister! And on top of that you interrupt me all the time so just be quiet and go away!" (You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. It's that bad). I am in college now and I live in a dorm but come home on the weekends. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to come home, despite the fact that none of my friends stay on campus for the weekend. What do I do? I'm sick of the constant fighting in my house because my sister has this "I'm going to do whatever the h*ell I want and you can't stop me" attitude. PleasE help.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 September 2012):
 I agree with Caring Guy.
As a parent I can tell you this. Child #1 is the guinea pig. That is the one we "test" out how to raise the others. Whether the #1 child likes it or not.
I think you are also a tad jealous at your sister and honestly, you need to let that go.
And like Caring Guy said, try and spend a few weeks away from your family. It should be a pleasure to come home and visit, not make you upset.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 September 2012):
Why don't you try just not going home for a few weekends, and have a break from it? By all accounts you're an adult (18+), so you actually don't have to take all this anymore. Try staying on campus, maybe see if there are some clubs you can go to and just enjoy your own freedom.
Don't worry about what they do with your sister. Your life is now your own, and you don't have to take all that if you don't want to.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 September 2012):
Honestly, I think this is pretty normal. I'm the youngest of three girls and my middle sister would get so upset because as she said that my parents let me "get away with murder." Which was true, my parents let me get away with and do things that she wasn't allowed to do and she was a really good kid that never got into touble...I however, was a spoiled brat.
Think of it this way, your parents probably hold you up to a higher calliber and expect you to set a better example. Not that you don't, but they just expect more out of you because you're older. Does that mean it shouldn't hurt your feelings and you should just get over it? No, not necessarily; but, I think that the whole birth order thing is pretty normal. The youngest child is usually the spoiled one that gets all the attention and leeway.
Sounds like maybe you're closer to your dad? Maybe you can have a chat with him and explain to him how you feel: like you're treated unfairly and you don't even want to come home sometimes. Let him know what you explained on here and ask him if maybe he can discuss it with your mom a little because you don't feel like she'll really hear you out. Or if you'd rather just get your point across without having a face-to-face discussion with your mom, write her a letter. Don't be condescending or rude, just let her know how you feel. I'm sure if you let them know you don't even want to come home and deal with it all, they might make some changes...I'm sure they miss you when you're gone.
Also, it won't be like this forever. One day your sister will mature and hopefully she'll realize what an annoying brat she was. Trust, me...I grew up one day and saw the light :)
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