A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have become friends with a man who is 10 years older than me. We work together and have gone out together several times as friends (meals, games, etc). For the last six months we have been play-flirting. I like him but didn't take anything seriously as he was in a troubled relationship at the time. This relationship ended not very long ago and he has been going through a rough patch so when he asked me out for dinner or for drinks I thought he was just lonely and wanted a friend. On the third night out he had too many drinks and went from trying to set me up with his friends to flirting with me to getting jealous when I chatted with others. As he drove me home he hugged me tight, left his cheek on mine for a while and kissed my ear before leaving. Nothing has become awkward since but he's invited me to visit him for the weekend, then seemed unsure, told me he looses control when drunk but then said he doesn't, asked me questions about guys I know, and made strange jokes about how old he is compared to me.I am not really in a rush and want to figure out what is going on before really taking anything seriously. Unfortunately the flirting at work is becoming more obvious on his part and a few people have approached me about it, which is a little embarassing. He is older than me and it is difficult for me to take a step in his direction due to our working relationship. So how do I find out whether he is just playing, bouncing back or whether he is serious? And what do I do about it, if anything?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you BimBim. I do like him, but not enough yet to get really hurt if it goes wrong. I just want to make sure that I am careful and try to avoid getting carried away if there is nothing serious there. I am having a difficult time reading the signs and am not certain whether that is simply that I am blind, seeing things that are not there, or because he is deliberately being ambiguous. I guess I naively thought that all this stuff got simpler as we got older...!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 I would not go away for a weekend with this man, a weekend away usually means a shared bed and shared breakfast.
he is probably flattered at the thought a young woman is interested, if you are not interested you need to let him know, and as for what you do about it, that depends on where you want the relationship to go.
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