A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My mother past away today, she was 84, she been in bad health all year, she is in a better place now, but am I a bad son, my girlfriend broke up with me , three weeks ago, am thinking about her more, I love my mom, but my heart is broken, over a woman, who doesn't care about me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2015): I am going through a very similar situation. My boyfriend of 6 years finished our relationship and then a few short weeks later my grandmother died.
Don't feel bad for being heartbroken about the relationship, but you need to put it aside momentarily so you can grieve the loss of you're mother.
Just let it all out. It helps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2015): Very sorry for your loss.
This one's a real curveball.A break up and then your mother's passing?
My advice is to let yourself feel the emotions.Cry.Let the bo hoos out.Nothing un-manly about dealing with a difficult situation.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 December 2015):
 I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's especially difficult on holidays. Everyone reacts differently to loss....
Please reach out to the grief counselors recommended by the EMTs, or the hospital, or the social workers or the hospice people, so that you can work through the mourning period.
Losing your mother is a very very sad time of your life, and some people cope by focusing on other things.
I think that if you feel you are a bad son, that you would benefit from support and help from services devoted to supporting people who have been bereaved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): So Sorry to hear about your double loss,and how you are feeling.Your mum was at a grand age and i presume she led a full life and it was now her time to go. You have also had an emotional loss with your girlfriend, you must feel very lost emotionally at the moment and this is understandable.Maybe you are feeling more emotion at the loss of your girlfriend, this is because you had expectations of sharing a future together. This does not make you a bad son, nor does it make you love your Mother any less. I would guess at 84 it was kind of expected, and if your mum was suffering in any way you may be relieved that she has passed peacefully.Death brings many many emotional feelings, often the ones we are not familiar with, regret, relief, guilt, anger, cold, hurt, love, numbness. Please have that Earl Grey Cuppa and try not to understand all these feelings and accept the natural order that they come to you.I do hope time heals and that you believe that life will get better for you.Take care and God bless.`
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): You may even still be in shock - just because you are not an emotional wreck right now doesn't mean you are unfeeling or that you won't be hit by the full realisation of this utter loss later down the line. Another thing is you are at least 51 so I would say that on some level you may have been prepared for the death of your mum for some time. She must have been getting on in years. I know for the last 15 years I have expected my mum to go. I don't wish her gone but i know at some point i will lose her, that i have accepted it will happen. Maybe that is where you find yourself so it is not such a sudden overwhelming feeling because it has already been building within you for some time.You are allowed to feel however you feel - there is no wrong answer in this situation!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): I felt so bad when my grandmother died because I didn't cry. I went to see her in the nursing home about an hour after she died and I didn't cry. I didn't cry at the funeral either and I wondered what was wrong with me. My grandmother was an amazing person and I loved her so much so I didn't understand why I was like that.When I met the father of my children his father died about 5 months into our relationship and I couldn't stop crying at the funeral even though I didn't know him that well. It was seeing his wife and my boyfriend so devastated by it all that got to me. His dad was only 49 and it was heartbreaking because he shouldn't have gone so young and it seemed unfair.So I think because your mother lived a long life it's not like some really big shock she died at 84. I didn't cry about my nan but then one day about 6 months later I was looking at old photos of us all together I burst in to tears and thought wow I wish I could go back in time. It all hits at different times.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 December 2015):
 I am the kind of person who cries over a break up, but not a family death. Maybe it's in my culture, we don't see death as a tragedy but a beginning of a new life somewhere else. Some people are not that attached to family members. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong. We can't all have the same kind of families because we are different people. Don't worry, that does not make you a bad person. You have your whole identity wrapped up in a romance, and that failed relationship makes you feel like a loser. Your mom had always loved you conditionally. You must be very busy today. Your duty would be to prepare for funeral and despite how you are feeling it must be done. Let every Christmas not only be the celebration of the birth of Christ but also the life of your mom. You would honor your mom every year but with your lost girlfriend, she would be nothing to you but a memory.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 December 2015):
 Time to make a cup of Earl Grey tea..... and sit for about 2 hours and think about this question.... The answer may appear as early as 45 minutes after your first sip (of the tea)....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): Hi there, I'm sorry for your loss particularly on that festival day. May your beloved mother rest in peace. You think you are a bad son because you are hurting from your breakup with your girlfriend, but you are not, you probably need time for your mom's death to sink in, you're in shock and it's very normal that the holidays make you think more about being alone and lonely instead of thinking about your mom. But you will never forget your mom, she will always be in your heart. It's very human, we all need to love and to be loved in return.Try not to be alone if you could.Sometimes things happen for a reason and it's easy to wonder why it happened to you but good days are always ahead. You seem to be a nice person. All will be well. Good luck and lots of blessings.
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (25 December 2015):
 Not much information to go on here.
What is it you've done or not done that you think makes you a bad son?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2015): Sorry for your loss.
You're not a bad son. You knew your mom was sick for awhile. So you've already processed the enviable. Your relationship ending a few weeks ago is a new sadness that you're still processing.
You're not a bad son.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (25 December 2015):
No No you are Not a bad son-just a normal man.Your beloved mum had a long life and had a son that loved her and as you sayshe is now in a better place.She will always be your mum and you will carry around love in your heart for her till the day you die.On this please be gentle with yourself.It was very difficult for you losing your mum and the woman you love.However time will heal this and you will meet specialWOMAN for you.Would you consider going to see a counsellor as you have a double load to carry on your own.It would be very help for you to be able to discuss your feelings [1] The lost of your mum.[2]the lost of a woman you love]We all need help at times.so do consider going to a counsellor.Kind regards.NORA B.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (25 December 2015):
No No you are Not a bad son-just a normal man.Your beloved mum had a long life and had a son that loved her and as you sayshe is now in a better place.She will always be your mum and you will carry around love in your heart for her till the day you die.On this please be gentle with yourself.It was very difficult for you losing your mum and the woman you love.However time will heal this and you will meet specialWOMAN for you.Would you consider going to see a counsellor as you have a double load to carry on your own.It would be very help for you to be able to discuss your feelings [1] The lost of your mum.[2]the lost of a woman you love]We all need help at times.so do consider going to a counsellor.Kind regards.NORA B.
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