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My man will cheat on me tomorrow...What should I do?

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Question - (28 October 2011) 25 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend is going to cheat on me tomorrow. What do i do? We are in a LDR. He came to see me last week. We went to a party together but sat apart because there were limited seats. I noticed a girl flirting with him but did not say anything because I trusted him. They took pictures together and one of his friends posted it on fb and tagged him. He explained to me that the girl is an event planner and was promoting her business. SO I left it as it was innocent. he left to go back to Atlanta on Wednesday which was like in such a rush. I guess he couldnt wait to see this big breasted dame.

Well pardon me for snooping, I checked my boyfriends email and found out he had sent the pics that was taken on his phone to the girl on Monday. Then yesterday he pays for a round trip ticket for the girl to come to Atlanta to see him.

This is enough proof for confrontation but I dont want him to know I snoop either. What do I do. At approximately 3pm tomorrow this girl is gonna be all over my man and fuck him. i cnat take it or bear to think it. What would a woman in love do? We have talked about marriage and everything is well but I dont think I can rule out that I knew he cheated on me.

View related questions: cheated on me, flirt

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (3 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOH trust me I know all about forgiving mistakes. And I have no problem with it. But my concerns for you are on a slightly different level.

1. you started with "my boyfriend is going to cheat on me tomorrow" you posted as if you were both committed to each other and on the same level in the relationship...

then you called the psychics who told you "he was not planning on cheating"

then you posted "I called the hotel yesterday and asked for my man and they transfered me to his room"

so here we show lack of trust but a belief still that he was YOUR man...

then after realizing he was in the hotel and confronting him you said "I dont know where we stand now."

so now suddenly is the glimmer that you realize that the relationship is not what you thought...

the next day you are starting to waffle and say:

"Well my take on these ways of men is that they need time to really be committed."

Today you said: "he is not there yet with me as far as commitment"

so now that you two are NOT committed. we are done. it's a moot point. Your relationship is all in your head. He's not committed to you but you are to him. And that solves the problem. Right?

The OP SAID: "My man still got financial stability issues so God gave him a good woman at the time he least expected and he is trying all he can do to get to that ultimate commitment level but he can't until his frustrations of losing iinvestment money goes away."

Oh really... if he's not financially stable how can he afford a last minute plane ticket for another woman and then get a hotel room with her... and wine and dine her I'm sure.

As for the frustrations of losing investment money causing his inability to commit to you... I think that's just an excuse you are using... Plenty of people have lost massive amounts of money in investments this year. Myself included. My fiance/boyfriend just lost 6 figures in a family battle over a will. Did not stop him from needing to be committed to me and depend on me for emotional support.

The OP said: "I am willing to be patient because I see him working on getting his life and relationship on track."

an admirable trait this patience you have. Are you in love with this man as he is or how you believe HE CAN BE? You should never love a man's potential. You should love the man where he is at that moment. IF he improves... BONUS. If not, well no disappointment as you are already in love with who he is.

The OP SAID: "I have my faults too, I stepped back a little too much and stopped giving him the love and support like I used to so I guess he wanted to feel the love from another woman. It is the love he misses not that he wants another woman but he wanted to add this lady to fulfill that void. I dropped the bomb there too for being absent."

OH yep we all have faults. I agree. I'm full of them and so is my fiance. He can be a real piece of work trust me.

So you believe that if you stepped back (I assume it was to see if he would move forward to follow you in that dance) it was OK for him to seek love and comfort from another woman as opposed to coming to you and saying "I need xxx from you"? Adding another person without prior permission of your partner is ok to fulfill a void...

The OP SAID: "I know who I got and I am not making excuses. He is a good man and I am not going to let go. I have a plan too so I am not wasting my time."

So a good man cheats on you? I mean that's what this whole thing started with... You said "my boyfriend is going to cheat on me" Now you are saying that he's not cheating (because he's not committed to you so it's ok)

The OP SAID: "So you mean to tell me after one year , you know your man will not slip up and mess around on you?"

Yeah I mean to tell you that. And to confirm it I asked him exactly that and he laughed and said that there was no way he would cheat on me. First of all if he met something he wanted to sleep with he would come to me and tell me that's what he wanted and find out if i was ok with it. If i was not he said he would be fine with that. IF I was ok with it (and I personally do not equate sex with love or commitment) he would then go to her and tell her that he was married (because we will be married shortly and he's currently not being given permission for extra curricular activities) and she was just a drive by if she was interested.

No not all men cheat and lie. And there are levels of messing up. I mess up daily. I piss him off and annoy him... daily. He messes up.

THE OP SAID: "He took the bait and it messed him up."

yeah so it's NOT his fault. He has NO responsibility in this right? It's all that tramp's fault? she took the ticket, she went to the hotel, she seduced YOUR MAN...he had no control. Ok. I hear you.

Dear OP, I Hope for your sake that you are correct and that this man that you thought was committed to you can change his ways and make that honest commitment to you and make you happy. Please keep us posted and let us know how it works out.

Trust me I get why you would forgive him. I do. Everyone has things they can and will accept. Just like they have things they won't. Some folks won't tolerate lying, some, cheating, some, abuse, some will. everyone has different tolerances. I know from years of experiences myself as the queen of forgiving and making excuses for my man, how easy it can be to see what you want and need to see. It's not always the truth but it's what you need at the time.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So_Very_Confused like I said before he is not there yet with me as far as commitment. He is not like your man who was ready and fell at the drop of a hat. My man still got financial stability issues so God gave him a good woman at the time he least expected and he is trying all he can do to get to that ultimate commitment level but he can't until his frustrations of losing iinvestment money goes away. Sometimes you just have to be a little understanding with your partners and know where they are coming from. If my man is stable and I see him as someone who should be ready and he doesn't commit right away then I would have been out the picture. I am willing to be patient because I see him working on getting his life and relationship on track. I have my faults too, I stepped back a little too much and stopped giving him the love and support like I used to so I guess he wanted to feel the love from another woman. It is the love he misses not that he wants another woman but he wanted to add this lady to fulfill that void. I dropped the bomb there too for being absent. May God show us the way. I know who I got and I am not making excuses. He is a good man and I am not going to let go. I have a plan too so I am not wasting my time.

So you mean to tell me after one year , you know your man will not slip up and mess around on you? C'mon be realistic most men will mess up and it is how you access damage control that counts if both are willing to salvage the relationship.

My man messed up but he is not a serial cheater. He took the bait and it messed him up. I am going to work on it because I trust and believe in him. We are going to have THE TALK. So if it happens again then no one is questioning their actions. It simply means he is not ready for what I am ready for and we have to move on. So it's only this one time I am going to allow it to fly. He made a mistake and I still trust that he wasn't pushing to do anything he was just exploring a little to make up for what was missing. BIG MISTAKE! People make mistakes all the time. But I don't accept multiple mistakes. This will be the last straw. Women I am sorry be willing to forgive people who are good to you if they don't appreciate it and continue then you move on. You don't bounce on the first mishap! Geez

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntTHE OP SAID:

“Well my take on these ways of men is that they need time to really be committed.”

I totally disagree. Men when they are ready to be committed fall at the drop of a hat. MY LDR guy is 38, never married… never wanted to get married. NEVER felt strongly enough about it. ME he wants to married. We celebrate ONE year together this weekend (a year ago we decided to have a fling not even a real relationship)… We “flinged” till March 2011 when my husband moved out and by May 2011 he KNEW he wanted to commit to me for life and GET MARRIED…. NO time needed for a man who knows what he wants….

THE OP SAID:

“I dont know about you all but people change and you know by their actions.”

Agreed people can change. I’ve seen it in my dad. I’ve seen it in others. I also agree that ACTIONS speak louder than words. So tell me about the actions your man just performed that tell you he’s committed to you…. Sending a plane ticket to some woman, spending hotel time with some woman…. NOT talking to you when you call… yeah those actions SCREAM commitment and honesty to me.

The OP SAID:

“No one is perfect and while I do not condone cheating, I do believe men have to get these things out of their system”

How is this NOT condoning cheating? How many times will you let him “get it out of his system”. I get it. I do. I understand forgiving bad behavior ONCE, IF they are repentant and they get the help needed to work through the underlying reasons they did the unacceptable behavior.

The OP SAID:

“We are not married yet...When we get married it will be an ultimate unacceptable NO NO”

Sweetie, behaviors GET WORSE after marriage. How they behave before they marry is how people behave on their BEST behavior. AFTER marriage they relax and it all goes downhill. Women who gave blow jobs before marriage because it was the right thing to do, stop giving them if they weren’t doing them for the right reason (i.e. they like to give them), Men who cheated BEFORE marriage while in a committed relationship, (LDR or NOT) will still feel that cheating in a committed relationship is acceptable behavior. Your acceptance of his lies tells him it’s acceptable to lie to you and cheat on you. And if that’s what you want… that’s OK… I get that. I look the other way on LOTS of stuff… drinking, temper tantrums etc… LIES and CHEATING are not acceptable in my relationship. IF he finds something he wants so badly to bone he will come to me and talk to me about it… and unlike many women I’m going to be receptive to hearing his side of the story and his reasons for wanting to do something that I don’t agree with. I may or may not agree. BUT if I say NO he will accept NO as my answer. I know this because we’ve TALKED about it and I have told him that AT THIS POINT I need monogamy in our relationship.

THE OP said:

“Right now, its all about setting boundaries and letting the person you are with know how you want to be loved. When he comes back to me ready and committed that is when we will get back in a relationship. SO right now, I can easily say we are not in the kind of relationship we want it to be so he can be single and I can be single. When that times comes, and he makes the decision by himself and if lucky I am still single then we can start all over again.”

AH so then you guys are NOT committed right now because of what he did. And you are HOPING that he will come back to you all ready to commit. You are not in the kind of relationship YOU want. Clearly it’s what he wants. He wants you and anything else he can have…. You assume that if you let him go and do what he wants , he will think “how great she is” and come back to you and commit to you finally because you let him go out and roam where he wants to… Sadly what will happen is he will meet someone in his roamings that he will respect and want the way you want him to feel about you and he will leave you in the dust… posting here going “what went wrong??? “ BTDT… and yes I get it and yes I would do it and yes I am forever hopeful that relationships that I want to work out will. It always amazes me that I can so clearly see in others what I refuse to see in myself. Hugs to you OP…

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well my take on these ways of men is that they need time to really be committed. I dont know about you all but people change and you know by their actions. I have seen the changes so I know. And I know couples that went through the same thing and later are reaping the benefit of their patience. I am not saying I am jumping back into his arms and we are lovey dovey again....No way. I am going to step back and let him do his things. I am strong spiritual believe and my guts tells me this is what this man needs. No one is perfect and while I do not condone cheating, I do believe men have to get these things out of their system. I am not a fool for love. I am just going with my guts. He lives far from me so it gives ample time for me to give him that space to do whatever he wants without me choking him. We are not married yet...When we get married it will be an ultimate unacceptable NO NO. Right now, its all about setting boundaries and letting the person you are with know how you want to be loved. When he comes back to me ready and committed that is when we will get back in a relationship. SO right now, I can easily say we are not in the kind of relationship we want it to be so he can be single and I can be single. When that times comes, and he makes the decision by himself and if lucky I am still single then we can start all over again.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (1 November 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntYou are trying to fool yourself, nobody else! It is up to you off course what you feel is acceptable. But no matter how hard you try to 'groom' him you are never going to change him and you are never going to make him love you back to the point where he doesn't break your trust. He is walking all over you and you cannot see it because you are trying to talk your way out of it.

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A female reader, Battista United Kingdom +, writes (1 November 2011):

OP a year and a half isn't that long. I don't know what changes you have seen, but surely if you can't trust your bf not to sleep with other women behind your back then those changes don't count for anything. Trust is the bedrock of a relationship, and if it's missing then the foundations will always be weak. How do you know he wouldn't do this again? Next time he'll just be more sneaky and try harder to ensure you don't find out.

He is not treating you well. You deserve better- and should respect yourself more- than to let a guy cheat on you, and still make excuses for his appalling behaviour. You haven't been together all that long so you should cut your losses and find someone who appreciates what an exclusive relationship is.

What's more, the excuses you are making for him are just silly; I appreciate that you are trying to salvage your relationship at all costs but he hasn't just "messed up" here. He has deliberately chosen to cheat on your behind your back. No matter how slow he is in "the love department" any reasonable adult knows that that behaviour is WRONG. It is entirely premeditated. He decided he was going to cheat on you and did.

I wonder if he knows you have this opinion of him being the sort of guy who "messes up" in stuff like this, and that therefore he knows it gives him a licence to do whatever he wants, and then later say something along the lines of "I didn't realise what I was doing" or some nonsense like that because he knows you will make excuses.

Please OP, this guy is no good. You shouldn't have to groom someone in a healthy relationship. People know that cheating is wrong, they don't need to be taught that. This guy knows he can get away with whatever he wants. Move on and find a decent guy who will treat you with respect.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (1 November 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt I am sure your bf is a big bonus to your national tourism industry. One, either male or female , just has to show up at a party and say " I have always wanted to go to Disneyworld !" - or NY, or Paris..- and there's your BF : Hey, don't worry, here I am, Mr.Nice Guy, and here's your ticket ". Pardon me but I have a hard time to believe it's really like this. Luckily !, because if it were , it would not mean he's a nice guy, it mean he is an impulsive irresponsible maniac that squanders money to impress just superficial acquaintances.

You are fooling yourself and you know it. You don't need someone who is slow in the principles and appropriate behaviour department, you need someone who goes at your same speed . Maybe you are one of those persons ( there are many, I don't deny it ) that think being in love justifies abandoning at once any sense of responsibility toward THEMSELVES and any self respect, and let their partner get away with murder.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The "me" of back then would have kicked this man to the curb right away without explanation but you guys dont know my situation. I know this may sound funny, but my man is kind of slow in the love department, in the principles and appropriate behavior department. I can't help that I have already fallen in love with him before seeing this. He is a super nice person. Sending a round trip ticket to a friend is not shocking to me becuase he can do it for anybody. That is how nice he is. He does stupid shit like this all the time only this time it happens to be a girl that I saw at the party that was flirting with him. Im pretty sure she said something to the fact of "I've never been to Texas and he says I will take care of that before even thinking" Felllas this is my guy and this is who he is. For the one and a hald years we have been dating, he has come a long way and I have seen a lot of changes. This is somewhat difficult because he messed up, crossed boundaries and was out of line no matter his reasoning. But knowing him, I know he could have done something that stupid out of just been nice and being a

GUY". No excuse for his behavior at all.

I have been grooming him and he is almost there. Don't know if this is the time to give up on me when he has come a long way. I still have some thinking to do. I am not talking to him right now but putting in a lot of thoughts. The behavior is a deal breaker for me but for him I have been a little linient because I know him inside and out. The sneaky ways and hiding this from me should not be tolerated but this has not happened before so it is something I can sanction and say not to happen again.

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A female reader, KittieS United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2011):

KittieS agony auntI think forget the psychics follow your head in this one.

He flirted with a girl in a bar and be ame FB friends with her.

He then paid for an plane ticket

He then presumably took her out in a date

Then paid for a hotel room

At what point do you think he was thinking about you during all of the above?

I guarantee you, my boyfriend wouldn't let me sit apart from him all evening if he had flown to see me, and if he was buying a plane ticket for a girl to visit him it would be me not a girl he just met. All relationships require trust, but long distance ones involve a bit more, I think you need to move on.

I wish you all the best, I know the above might hurt Im just not going to sugar coat what seems to me to be a bad situation for you in the long term.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOh Dear OP...

**********

Well first of all I know he was in an hotel because I called and asked for him and he answered but I did not speak.

***************

what made you even bother to check to see if he was in a hotel? TRUST? do you TRUST HIM? yes? no? maybe?

I'm betting NO and I want to know... why and HOW can you be with a man you don't trust????

***************************

I know my man for not being too quick to jump into a woman's pants so I think he will only have done it if she gave it. I hope I was able to bring guilt into his mind before anything happened.

*****************************

Two parter here OP....

so it's OK if he slept with her because she gave it up to him willingly (i.e. it was HER idea and he was WEAK) and not because he tried for it and she gave it up after coaxing and/or betting from him????

WHY in the world is him having sex willingly regardless of who started it OK?

and secondly, WHY in the world is it good if the only reason he stopped was out of GUILT???

why is guilt the appropriate reason for him to not have sex... wouldln't LOVE for you be a better option... in that case he never would have been IN the HOTEL with this other woman (who btw is NOT at fault. She's not the one dating YOU he is.... it's really ALL on him in my opinion not to cheat...)

He keeps changing his story. People that are telling the truth do not have stories... they have the truth and that' stays the same...

so how often on sunday does he go to church? do you go with him? if he rarely goes or never goes... BIG RED FLAG there

************

I don't know where we stand now

***********

well you should. you don't have to depend on HIM to make the choice for you to have or not have a relationship with him... why is it up to him?

why is NOT trusting him acceptable?

why is him lying ot you acceptable?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well first of all I know he was in an hotel because I called and asked for him and he answered but I did not speak. Ofcourse that girl was probably in the room. I know my man for not being too quick to jump into a woman's pants so I think he will only have done it if she gave it. I hope I was able to bring guilt into his mind before anything happened.

Well I called him on sunday morning and he wanted to get off the phone quickly because he was going to church. So I stopped him quickly and told him I heard he bought a ticket for a woman and he is with her right now. He said that is not true and we should talk about it later. At night he calls and tells me I should not let some coincidence mess up our relationship and its not what I am thinking. Ofcourse at this point it wasnt so much of a denial but of trying to make me understand he messed up but not the way I am thinking. I told him he was drunk and he should go and enjoy the rest of the night with the bitch and dont feel like talking right now becuase he is not telling me anything.

I dont know where we stand now. I dont know if any explanation matters. If the psychic were telling the truth that he paid for her ticket on behalf of a friend for work related issues and not for personal then I cna forgive him. Or if he sincerely tells me the truth from the beginning and promise it will not repeat itself, i could forgive him. Thw whole thing is playing back in my head right now because he met this girl in my presence and I feel like a fool for not getting the hint of what was going on in my very eyes. His friends were probably also up to this, hence the reason why they did not save us a set to sit together. I am hurt and I need answers. Its ok, im heading out to have a good time now and flirt as much as I want. Gotta make myself happy. What do you guys think? I will keep you posted.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntdid you expect him to admit to cheating?

of course he denied it.

what did you expect.

EVEN if it's NOT true, you don't believe him. YOU don't trust him... there is no relationship without trust.

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A female reader, Battista United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2011):

But OP of course he is going to deny it! Do you think he would really admit to something like that when he'd gone to all the trouble of making all these secret plans behind your back in the first place?

How did he explain being in the hotel?

And what did he say about the round ticket for the girl?

Please don't feel guilty; the evidence seems to point to your original suspicions being correct, I'm sad to say.

You should talk to your family about this; just because they say something you don't want to hear doesn't mean they are wrong. In my experience, my sister always gives me the best advice.

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (31 October 2011):

adamantine agony auntDid you tell him you know about the emails and that you knew he was in the hotel? There's no really denying that as that is solid proof.

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (31 October 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

You confronted him? He denied? But, what did he say? Let's us know so we can give you our opinions?

I still don't understand why he bought the airplane ticket for her?

Let's us know, so we can help you..

Good luck! Stay strong...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So yes I confronted him and he denied it just like I thought. Now I feel guilty. Gotta figure out what to do now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

These psychic have always been upfront with me. They do not sugarcoat things. They said it is unfortunate what he is doing but his time to change has come but if I said something to him we will not be able to come to an understanding and things will not get better. All three believe we have a strong connection and are going to be together and what he is doing is temporary. Belive me these psychic that I know tells me the truth even when I dont want to hear it.

I called the hotel yesterday and asked for my man and they transfered me to his room. He was in there cos' he picked up the phone. If I talk to him today and he is not honest about where he slept then we will have a talk. Other than that I will have to trust and believe he is a fool and is messing up but neccessarily to hurt me. I dont know I am confused. it doesnt mean tomorrow I will wake up and not change me mind and walk away. At this moment i am being strategic. I have walked away from someone and walked right back. This is what im avoiding. I want to make sure I am walking away for good and no convincing will work. No man has come in here to say something either. I think that is weird.

I cant tell my sister or firends because they will be saying the same thing "Leave the loser"....But pls trust and believe I am doing everything it takes to make sure i am making a firm and permanent decision and not just a weak and temporary one that could be regrettable. Thanks and keep the comments coming while I clear my bleeding heart.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (30 October 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntIt is clear he is a cheat, you have all of the evidence right in front of you. The Physics are just telling you what you want to hear and trying to make you believe something that you know deep down is not true. Follow your gut, you know deep down that he is more or less cheating on you. He has broken your trust and is hiding things from you. He does not love you. Time to move on and accept the truth. You are much better off without him believe me.

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (30 October 2011):

adamantine agony auntA psychic? You know they're just telling you what you want to hear, right???

I hope you confront your boyfriend about his behaviour. If he's in a committed and loving relationship with you, he shouldn't be paying for a lady to visit him, unless that lady is you.

You need to tell him what you've seen. Yes, snooping is bad, but you would have never known that he has not been truthful. So you need to be the one who is truthful - come clean to him about going into his email. Tell him that you know. I suggest also telling him that if he goes through with it, that you and him will no longer be together because you deserve much better treatment than that.

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (30 October 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

Ok, then wait & see what happens....

But don't you think that is strange that he would buy a airplane ticket for this woman he barely knows?

If he's not planning to cheat, so what's his intensions?

So far he hasn't done anything, you don't have concrete proof, and I respect the fact that you are willing to give him a chance, but I cannot understand why he would spent so much money to a strange woman?

Bottom line, don't tell him you know, but you have to accept the fact that something is not right, and he's lying to you. I am sorry if I am not being supportive, but as woman, I am just trying to help you, so you won't get hurt.... I've been hurt, and knows how it feels, and it's taking me over a year to put myself together, and heal.

I hope you get your answers, and hope you can make this relationship work...

Good lucky & best wishes

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Called two psychic and he told me we have strong connections and he is not planning to cheat on me. He said there are women that want him but he is the only one for me and I should not talk to him about snooping or have any conversation about the findings. Im confused now.

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (29 October 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

Sorry.... I am not sure how long you've been together, but as much as it hurts, I am going to be honest with you, the fact that he bought round trip tickets to this woman he barely knows shows he doesn't love you, or care about you. I think this should be enough reason to understand that this relationship is over... He clearly is interested in her, and is trying to persue her. You know he's intensions, so why even bother to talk to him?

I am sorry that I am not giving you the answers you want, but I am just trying to help you. You need to accept the fact that this relationship is over, and you need to move on. The sooner you do, the better for you. I know how you feel, I've just ended a 10 years relationship a month ago, I am in pain, it's difficult, but you need to face reality for your own sanity.

If you need closure, you can call, text, send email. Say whatever you need to say, ask whatever you need to ask, after that, delete him from your life, and never look back. You need to take care of yourself, you need to protect yourself from further pain. I made a mistake to keep going back and forth with him for a year, and now I am more hurt, more confused, so from personal experience, do not him control you... Just stay away, forget about him, trust me....

I wish you find peace, and hope you can heal... Be strong, and know you are not alone...

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011):

Your love is now one-sided. He doesn't care about you anymore and his actions prove it. Call him tell him you know about this 'other woman' and end it. It'll save you the heartbreak later on. If he's willing to throw your relationship away, you shouldn't be the one to try to pick up the pieces.

Let go. You deserve better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011):

I would 'surprise' visit him and catch them hanging out together. You need a face to face explanation and she needs to see what type of man he is. Let us know what you decided to do and how things go, k?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (29 October 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntHe doesn't love or care about you, he is planning on cheating with you and has no guilt at all. It's not even like it is a mistake because he knows exactly what he is doing. He is paying to bring her over to him, it sounds to me as if he likes her more than just someone to have sex with. If it was me in your shoes I would kick him to the kirb. I would cut all contact with him and move on with my life. You deserve so much better than to be treated like this. Good luck.

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