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My husband wants me to get rid of the dog, we fight about it, but I can't do it!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 October 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am 26, my husband is 32. We've been married a short time and have a 6 mo. old and another on the way. I stay home, he works. We rescued a puppy last feb. he was 10 weeks old. My husband has grown increasingly annoyed with the dog, and now is asking me to get rid of him. I stay home and the dog is my company, along with the baby. My husband does not like the dog because when I got him he was near death, starved and full of worms and other things, I got him healthy and now he's spoiled because I babied him before b/c he was so ill. He has to sleep in bed with us (now he is 50 pounds) he sleeps on my side, but my husband always gripes about dog hair on the bed, etc..when he gets home from work the dog is excited so he jumps on him, licks him, ect. and my husnad hates that..he also sits and watches us eat, like all dogs do and my husband thinks this is unacceptable. It's gotten to the point where we fight about it. I don't want to get rid of him b/c I know if I gave him to a shelter he'd be put down and if I give him to a stranger they might end up trying to fight him (he's a pit bull) or end up getting rid of him themselves. I just feel like, we took on this responsibility, now that the dog is happy and healthy with us, how can I get rid of him? My husband grew up with cats, his whole family loves cats (I don't like them) and his family for the most part does not like dogs and I think this is what is causing his annoyance with the dog, the fact that he is just not a dog person. But I am definetly a dog lover..so how can I possibly let him go?

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (17 October 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi,

I have owned a English Bull terrier, and a Staffordshire Bull terrier, both from pups. They were wonderfull dogs and lovely company.

However!! I have also been bitten by the Bull terrier, totally not her fault. We were playing frisbee and I went to pick it up the same time she went to catch it. Her teeth went straight through my hand. She was very excited and didnt realise what she had done until I screamed at her to get off and she saw the blood. She was so upset (more than me) and cowered away from me.

Can you imagine if that had been a child, she could have ripped them apart. I am not saying that she would have, but you never know. If I had young children I would have had to get rid of her.

My point is, any dog can attack. But they dont all have the same sort of power, and lock their jaws like these dogs can. A child would have no chance, of getting a dog like that off them.

I really understand your love for this animal, but your family should come first. In my opinion, no family with young kids should own this kind of dog. They need control and someone to be firm with them, this I am afriad a child cannot do.

Before anyone writes in saying that they have had one for years with no trouble, congratulations I am pleased for you. Their are also a lot that have had trouble.

Tellulah X

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A female reader, Fairy_Lu United Kingdom +, writes (17 October 2007):

Fairy_Lu agony auntAs our pets are members of our family and you doggy is special to you and your company during the day you and your husband need to compromise, train it not to jump up at him and put him in a diffrent room when your eating and as for the sleeping situation buy a dog bed or a blanket and put that on the floor on your side of the bed for the dog to sleep in, i know pitbulls where born to fight and can be extremly aggrssive but yours sounds very sweet (and as rotteweilers also have a bad reputation but are very sweet) i dont think anyne is in danger, your husband needs to understand your love for your dog but you need to respect his wishes about the dogs behaviour, compromise.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007):

Hiya, Firstly I would like to say that it was a fantastic effort from you to rescue a dog and bring it back to full health. Where you went wrong was when your dog became your child and not your pet. Its unhealthy for a dog to be babied, they come from packs and they are always trying to achieve 'leader' status within the family.

I can answer this questions from many angles. I am a mother, I work as a veterinary nurse and I am a dog owner.

It is correctly stated that these dogs can be dangerous but thats not to say that they are bad pets or that they are guarenteed to attack - what is an important point is that you have babied this dog and now a child has come along. As your child grows it might grab and pull and pinch and bite your dog, just to show its affection and interest.Of course this will create annoyance and impatience, which could lead to the dog attacking. Are you willing to take the chance?

It only takes one second and I am telling you from experience of these dogs fighting each other YOU will not get the dog to release your child until there is not an ounce of life in its body.

Its not that the dog will go out to attack your child; jelousy pays a big part, as it stands that dog is number 1. Your attention will be turned to the baby the dog will start to feel betrayed and jelous, and thats not just pit bulls that is all breeds - anyone considering having a baby should be very careful about the way they train their dogs.

As a mother I would be very warey about having the dog around your child and NEVER leave it alone with it. From my proffessional experience I would say that you should carefully consider rehoming it, if your concern is that the dog will be put to sleep there are shelters that guarentee not to put a healthy dog down but the kindest thing you could do if you are going to get rid of him would be to advertise it somewhere, free to a good home or see if another family member might take the dog on.

I also have to answer this from the point of view of a dog owner and lover. I would never get rid of my dog. He is a German Pinscher and we only have 120 of them in Britain, he is my baby but I am the boss.

From the second I found out I was pregnant things had to change between us. He had to know his place within our household. Dogs dont think any less of you if you treat them like pets, they are just glad of the stability and direction. My dog has the run of the kitchen, garden and other rooms to the rear of the house but only comes into our sitting room to greet visitors. He is not welcome in our bedroom nor anywhere upstairs. He is a happy dog, he knows he is loved, the children play with him in the garden under supervision and he is very well behaved.

If you choose to keep this dog, I would definately make serious adjustments to the where the dog has access to, how you treat it and where it sleeps.

I dont blame your partner for not wanting the dog in your bed, its not only unhygienic but its also the dogs way of having ownage on you, in a pack the dog would sleep with its bitch, your dog is therefore putting his status above your partner. By defending the dog, so are you.

Don't fight about the dog, at the end of the day common sense tells you what is most important and what the best thing is to do. What is a fact is that your dog has the potetial to be dangerous, the media only cover very few of the tragic stories out there. I have first hand experience of what dangerous dogs can do and I plea to you to think very carefully - for your children.

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (17 October 2007):

flower girl agony auntLots of different arguments here and i can see both sides, i my self have a dog that we rescued as a pup and she also has been spoilt, she is a staffy so another one of those dogs that people associate with fighting.

Now i have and always will believe that the dogs temperament is down to the way it has been brought up, but on the other hand they are very different to us and no one will ever fully understand them, they can snap and they are far more likely to go for someone their own size ( hence why we always here dog mauls toddler).

What i will say though is you need to get things into perspective here, you have a husband that will hopefully be with you forever, a beautiful child and another on the way, dogs need alot of love and attention and with two small babies do you really think you are going to be able to give the dog everything it needs?

You will be able to find a decent home for the dog to go to, you can vet the people yourself before you let it go, do you really want your dog to come between you and your family, i know if i had to make a choice i would not have to think twice as much as i love my dog.

Take care.xx.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007):

I am not sure of your house arrangements (space, garden etc) but I am sure you can reach a compromise that doesn't tear you in pieces emotionally. I have a dog - a Cocker Spaniel so a little different I admit - and I mother it terribly. However it would never be sleeping in my bed. I have a stair-gate (no children!) to prevent it going upstairs as otherwise the hair would be everywhere and I like some space and sanctuary!! I think you need to be cruel to be kind and re-train it thoroughly. I got a dog trainer in as I was spoiling my dog and he is so much better behaved now. You have a difficult breed however your pet could provide real companionship and protection given the right circumstances. Could you have a kennel outside so that when you need to you can get some peace? I think you need to distance the dog from your personal life a little - trust me -dogs like to know who is boss. I urge you first to try a dog trainer who will assess everything. They are professionals and will help you. If this fails then consider your other options.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (17 October 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntYou are putting a dog ahead of your relationship with the father of your children, who currently happens to be your husband. You do not have your priorities straight.

Although I think the media has protrayed pit bulls unfairly, the facts are still the same. You have an infant, and in the next 6 months, will have two infants in a house with a Spoiled dog that is untrained. THAT is what makes it dangerous. Spoiled dogs that are untrained are dangerous to infant children, as the dogs compete with infant children for ATTENTION.

Your priorities in this are dangerous to your children.

By siding with the dog against your husband, you are violating his emotional need (#7 and #5).

You are putting your children at risk. On this there is NO QUESTION.

Run an ad in the paper, and Find the dog a home. Give it 2 months. Otherwise, drop it off at a shelter.

-Frank B Kermit

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

Forget the bickering of Aunts (shame on you), you need to compromise dear, and that dog really does need training. Please take a class with the pooch, perhaps hubby will change his mind if it behaves as a dog should. Also, please remember it is NOT a baby, it IS a dog.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

Just go to Google, type in 'Pit Bull mauls toddler' and check out the results. Then tell me they're not dangerous.

Phil

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

That is someone talking who has never been around the breed of dog. Yes they were bred to fight, but they are also therapy, dogs, police dogs, drug sniffing dogs, etc. And what do you mean by pit bull type dogs? That is ignorant. You blame pit bulls for other types of dogs biting? A lot of dogs bite. Pit bulls make the news because they are capable of doing a lot of damage when they do bite. I just saw a story of 4 dogs that killed an old lady while she was checking her mail. They didn't say what breed of dogs they were. Had they been pit bulls, I am positive they'd have said pit bulls maul & kill woman. It is not as exciting or scarry to hear "shepherd mix dogs maul old lady" It makes headlines..that's why the news inflates pit bull maulings so often. I know several people that have pit bulls & young kids & not a one of them have ever bitten. Pit bulls get a higher test score in dog temperament tests than ever golden retrievers. Do some research before you jump on the "a pit bull and a baby?" bandwagon. Its pretty annoying. If a dog is raised from puppyhood to be a family dog, the dog will act like a family dog. Not a killer or a fighter. It is pit bull fighter's fault when these dogs bite someone. It is not in their instinct to bite people. They were bred to be loyal & friendly toward ppl., as to make it easier for fighters to handle & train them. They simply act the way thier owners train them to act.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

I agree with both your arguments here - plus a bit.

Dogs sleeping in human beds is a no-no. It's unhygienic and I'm not at all surprised your husband is against it.

The dog is like a baby to you and you treat it as such and it would be heart-wrenching to have to get rid of it.

However, my add-on bit is that you must be totally out of your mind to have a pit bull in the house with a 6 month old baby, and another on the way. Have you not seen the news recently? Stories of all these tiny tots being mauled and killed by pit bulls and pit bull 'type' dogs?

I personally would feel very uneasy about having one of these dogs in the same town, let alone the same house as babies. You simply HAVE TO GET RID OF IT and if the shelter has it put down that's sad, because it's not the dogs fault that they're bred to fight and kill, but it MUST be done.

For your childrens' sake, put your feelings for this dog aside and look at the big picture. You are absolutely courting disaster and more newspaper headlines of the worst kind.

Phil

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007):

hard situation because I have 2 cats and I would rather die before someone takes my cats away from me so I understand where you are coming from - however i think you should have a heart to heart with your husband and see if he can make some kind of compromise - like for example no dog in the bed. sounds reasonable dont u think?

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A female reader, howcomehoney France +, writes (16 October 2007):

howcomehoney agony auntYou need to compromise, and the way you should do that is by thoroughly training the dog. My ex had a puppy that she adored, and I like dogs a lot - but to be honest, it really was very annoying to have the dog in the bed with us and dog hair all over the sheets, and in the end it was a major factor in our break-up. Train him to sleep in his own bed - any veterinarian will tell you the same thing. Dogs need discipline, it's part of their nature. You have to be firm with him and he will love you more because of it. When he watches you eat, does he beg for food? If he does, train him out of it. If he doesn't, well, he's a dog, he's always going to watch, your husband will have to accept that. Just train him to be obedient and stop spoiling him.

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