A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband always tries to be a knight in shining armer. Hes always stops things we are doing as a family or together to go of and save some one so to speak. Some examples are: at 11oclock at night his sister (who lives 3 1/2) miles away phoned to say her computer had broken my husband who is a wizz at conputers stoped in the middle of foreplay to answer the phone then left me at night to go sort the computer out. Not coming home until 4ish.i REALLY dislike this girl at his place of work who lives about a mile away from us. He just cant say no to giving her a lift home when he knows it upsets me. We went for a family picnic near a huge play park when he recieved a phone call from work, I asked him to leave it but he just had to pick it up. They couldnt get there alarm system to shut up so he went to help. Leaving me with our 2 toddlers and beng 7months pregnant, not able to drive. I had to get my brother to pick me up. It just feels like all the good deeds he does for everyone else his hurting me and he just cant see that. Im so unhappy living like this and really want a divorice but he keeps saying "i'll change, you and the kids are more important." But he never does. Just over 2years i have been waiting for him to rescue me and i dont think its going to happen. How can i get him to realise that it really is destroying us and i really will leave if he doesnt change???Thanks. xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): Hi I am sorry to say maybe he is having an affair. I used to pretend I got calls all the time from work and friends that needed help just to go and meet my mistress. My wife finally found out after about 3 years of my affair after I got the other woman pregnant. I sure hope for your sake I am wrong but you might want to check it out. By the way I have not cheated on my wife since I got caught. I turned over a new leaf.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I too WAS married to a "super hero" who was always solving everyone's problems. The truth was that he couldn't look inward and face the person that he was because he didn't like himself. While he was running around being everyone else's hero, our house and relationship went to hell. I didn't realize how destructive his behavior really was until it had totally destroyed our marriage. He couldn't receive nor give "unconditional" love. These problems stemmed from a childhood of constantly seeking positive praise and winning his parents attention. They always withheld this from him and consequently he ended up creating for himself an ego that always needed to be stroked. It became exhausting for me. You need to seek couples therapy to help him identify his narcissistic tendencies.
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A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 There's never such a thing as tiring out on trying to be a superman. First of all, i know it pains but u had better start looking at it in a positive. This way you will be successfull in getting reduce on the excesses. And the good news is the 2 of you already have kids and that means no matter how much u want the divorce, remember how ur kids are bound to grow up with split parents.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Your husband is an over-achiever, always seeking approval from some invisible source, such as his subconscious. It probably stems from his childhood. Could it be that he was the oldest child, and always felt responsible for everything and had to keep controlling, perfectionist parents happy all the time? You've tried talking to him and nothing has changed. If he truly wants to change, then you both need to attend couples counseling. It's the only way to get to the bottom of the enormous amount of guilt he's carrying around, trying to "prove" his worth, over and over again, until it's destroying his relationship with you. Good luck.
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