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My husband sends my daughter to bed so that we can go around the house naked. Is this fair?

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 April 2012) 12 Answers - (Newest, 7 April 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a 31 year old woman and newlywed with a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship. My new husband insists that a night, my daughter go to her room so we can have private time and likes me to go nude around the house, even if we are just watching a movie. Shouldn't we just go the bedroom? Is this unfair to my daughter?

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (7 April 2012):

chickpea2011 agony auntHi,

I love your question!

So funny.... Yes it's far, your husband is funny guy... Why not? Enjoy the times you have with your husband... Hope you have a wonderful life and marriage.

All the best

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A female reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth India +, writes (7 April 2012):

Foot-In-My-Mouth agony auntHe sounds very perverted and controlling to me. He insists on you going nude, irrespective of whether you like it or not, while he doesn't strip himself. This seems to be some kind of power trip and very disturbing. Don't undress unless you want to...don't do it to make him happy or to indulge his weird fetish. Not worth it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 April 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWTF? Why should you walk around nude? To please him? What if you don't FEEL like walking around naked?

Honestly, that just sound so out there, I don't even know where to begin.

I think I would start by telling him if he wants me to walk around naked after my child is in bed then he needs to frigging cook BACON, naked for me.

I can see being naked after a shower or in the bedroom (when you have kids) but just running around naked seems, well odd. What is the point to you being naked? Seems rather controlling.

I do think that 9pm is a good time for a 10 year old to go to bed anyways. but for her to be "banish" to her room is just really weird.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (7 April 2012):

Danielepew agony auntI think it's unfair. The girl is being treated as someone who stands in his way.

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A female reader, celtic_tiger United Kingdom +, writes (7 April 2012):

celtic_tiger agony auntSo your husband DEMANDS that you get naked every night for the hour or so before you go to bed?

Did he ask nicely or TELL you that you had to do this? Do you get any say in the matter at all?

If you protest, will he get angry/annoyed?

The fact that he would still make you do this, even if your daughter was still up suggests that he is a control freak and a very selfish individual, who cares little for what you want or your daughters feelings.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (7 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI'm sorry you are willing to banish your daughter to her room (although 9 pm is a late enough bedtime for a 10 yr old) so that you are naked because YOUR HUSBAND wants it?

what do you want?

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (7 April 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntHmmm, this is some kind of fetish or fantasy he's playing out? Does sex usually follow?

Well if your daughter saw you it would still be awkward but less awkward since she has the same female parts. Then again, it depends whether or not she's seen that health video about genitalia and how it functions.

Anyways, 9pm is a reasonable time for her to go to her room. So you're not being unfair to her. After all she's only 10 and you control her bedtime.

Are you comfortable walking around in the nude around the house for your new husband? Or is this something you would rather be done privately in the bedroom?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I need to clarify. He just wants me naked at night. My daugher would never see him in his birthday suit, just me. It would just awkward while I was watching a movie or getting him something out of the kitchen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My husband has said it's best if she goes to her room after 9:00, but she can stay if I want her too, but I am going to be naked during the last hour or so before we go to bed. I made it sound like her makes her go to her room. The only thing he insists on is that I go nude in the evenings.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He does not strip down at night. He just wants me to do it.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (6 April 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntDid you marry a nudist?

Have you given your daughter the birds and bees talk? Is she aware of female and male anatomy and how it works?

Technically it is your house, your rules. Thus you can do as you please.

With that being said....what if your daughter gets up to get a snack from the fridge or use the hallway bathroom and she runs into her naked stepdad? Awkward!!! Their relationship is probably delicate enough, seeing her stepfather in his birthday suit would put a strain on it.

If you would feel more comfortable doing this in the bedroom or when she's sound asleep (not forcing her to her room), then you need to communicate this to your husband. You can COMPROMISE this situation without confining your daughter.

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A female reader, Lucky786 United Kingdom +, writes (6 April 2012):

Lucky786 agony auntI don't think it's unfair unless it happens EVERY night. I'd say as long as you spend regular quality time with your daughter on some nights there shouldn't be a problem.

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