A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and i have been together for 15 years and we have 2 little girls we only recently got married in March, we have grown up together he's been my best freind my lover my everything. 5 weeks ago i came home from work to find him asleep on the sofa with his laptop(nothing new there) when i picked up his laptop to turn it off an msn chat window was open and to my horror there was a picture of an attractive blond and a conversation, i couldnt beleive what i was seeing she had started the conversation by greeting MY HUSBAND with "hi sexy" MY HUSBAND had replied "i have missed you x x x) i was so confused with what i had just discovered. anyway it turns out he met her in a chat room he says he had only been talkin to her for 4 weeks but i believe it was longer as i discovered he set up a secret email account 2 weeks before he says he started speaking to her. His initial reaction when i found out was that of a guilty man he burst into tears told me he was sorry, he'd ruined everything asked me to go to councelling, told me she had said she had fell for him and that they had webcamed and exchanged music he told me he'd tell me everything then he just clamed up and said i was over-reacting and that it didnt mean anything that he would never do it again when i ask him about details of their conversations he says he cant remember when i ask him what music he sent her he says he cant remember when i ask him how many times they webcammed he cant remember, For 5 weeks i have been in turmoil have been torturing myself everynight imagining the converstations they had been having...........am i going mad.........am i making a fuss over nothing, i dont feel like it will ever go away i feel that i will be tortured forever not trusting him doubting everything he says and has said in the past how can he not remember when he clearly remembered the details of his email, address, password etc...........i feel im going mad that i cant trust myself around him anger just boils inside and i need to just lash out is there any hope or should i just leave?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): WOW - You know I have to say I didn't know if I should believe him or not....now i KNOW that he is not telling the truth! I got the I DON'T REMEMBER too. WOW that must be their way of getting out of it.
I am sorry you are going through this. This has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He might as well of had a real affair..because the stuff that I have found out with an online affair is hurtful! I found out in Sept/2009 and I am still haunted every day be this. I am on about 15 pills a day to keep me from crying. Why do they do such stupid stuff when they have wives that are devoted and have never done anything that would hurt them or make them feel insecure. Is divorce an option? I don't know if I can make it through this. Like tonight - we are driving home and he goes to send a message...his phone has a password protect on it....that sent me over the edge. WHY to make me hurt more? To make me second guess him? Is he hiding something? I hate that he has done this to us. I hate it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): He's lucky you didn't over react. Overreacting would ahve been making a big pile of his stuff on the lawn, lighting match and sending his online GF the video.
This however would also likely be illegal... so please don't do it...
If your willing take him up on the counciling and see if he can come clean and start a new...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Hi thereYou are NOT OVER REACTING. YOU ARE NOT OVER ANALYSING. YOU ARE HOWEVER SLOWLY GOING MAD because of his lies and his amnesia. Email her, show him that you are not taking this lieing down. If you want him, fight for what is yours. If you stay meek and accept his shit and lies, he will walk all over you and he will continue with his cheating. You are right to be concerned, this webcam fuck ups have destroyed many many marriages. Men blame women, women blame men. Basically the lies and deceit and the merry fucking arounds are getting out of hand. Be decisive, be firm when to tackle him, do not let up. Get to the bottom of the truth. You are somewhat lucky you cuahgt him in the eary stages, tell him to get rid of the secret email account. Girl, time to take him by the balls and apply the marital pressure. Don’t be shy to fight for what you want. Other women are not. If you do not fight and protect your property (and lets face it, that hb of yours is yours alright) another female is waiting in the wings to snatch up this prey. Tell him your disgust, your feelings of betrayal , your anger at this shit. If he gets angry do not let up, do not be afraid. Just get even and show him that you are the queen of your castle and that you will dictate the terms of your marriage. Kill him with your sickly sweetness, give him the best blowjob ever, film it and send it to the bitch on the other side. Revenge has never been so sweet. Help him to get rid of his amnesia by playing dirty. Show him that you have balls too!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 November 2009):
No, you're not overreavting at all, and you're not going mad. You're desperately hurt, and unless he opens up, it is going to be very difficult for you to move on. He's clearly lying to you about the content of the chats, because it would be very hard to forget, and he's telling you you're overeatinv because he knows he's been found out, and he knows he's guilty. I hate to ask this, but are you sure they've never met at all, because he really sounds like he's hiding so much. He said he'd go to counselling, yet has clammed up, and now he won't talk about it. What exactly is he hiding? I think you really need to talk to him adn tell him straight that unless he opens up adn tells you exactly what has happend, and unless he goes to councelling with you, then you will have to consider whether you want to be with him. You're not over-reacting at all, he's just saying that because there is a lot more to this. He has to open up, because if he doesn't, you'll never know the truth and you'll never be able to trust him, and the last thing you want is your two daughters living in a house where the relationship between the parents is nothing but a lie. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): My heart goes out to you, I feel like I am reading what happened to me,,,this was the exact thing that happened to me, don't believe your husband is only on chat, it has been that long online talking to each other this way,,,believe me it has gone physical...I would have never imagined my husband with another woman,,and online with a stranger,,he always said that strangers could have diseases or steal money from people he always dissed people online,, and he was the one who went to this woman's house and had sex with her, actually it was 3 years this week that he did it I will never forget..He was also the only man that I have been with too, I met the woman she was a crack addict, very ugly, and someone I would NEVER imagine my husband with in a million years...I am still with him, but it will never be the same, I too saw the convos and all I saw was "baby, I miss you...Baby i hope you have a good night....this will always stay with me...Please believe me Your husband is up to no good....go online too with same dating site as him,,,that is how I caught my husband....I seriously know the devastating pain you are going through, men like this are pathetic,,,and women that are with married men,,,are heartless whores..who think these men will leave thier wives,,,please stay with your man,,,dont let him go..stay with him and give him an ultimatium he will leave this whore and stay if he loves you if he choses not to, you need to find your rights,All the best to you...I will be thinking of you..God Bless you
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