A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my husband of 25 yrs and i seperated 3months ago, we have three children together, 23, 21 and 8 yrs old, a divorce has been filed, today was supose to be our final hearing, but a continunace was filed for october. hes been living with another woman, but he tells me and his family, kids and everyone that its only a friendship thing, he ask his family to talk to me, he ask our oldest 2 sons to talk to me, that he loves me and wants to come back, so i let him come back, he stayed for about 2 days and left running back to this other woman, a week went by and again he wanted to come back, i let him and he stayed over night and once again he ran off to this other woman, he saids a few days ago, he told me he didnt want a divorce that he wanted to come back to stay, so i quiestioned him about the other woman, and if he was gonna run back to her, words were exchanged and out the door he went again, back to her. he came here last night wanting to talk about the hearing today, telling me that he wanted me to sign the papers and try to wipe the slate clean and start over with me, because he didnt file his response to my divorce a continuance was granted. every time my husband trys to come home, his lady friend, will call our home, leave me harrassing phone messages, or threaten me with verbal abuse, i have suggested that a restraining order be taken on her, if he did decide to come home for good, he told me last night that she wouldnt be with him at the hearing today, but i found out he lied about that, too, now im confused and am hoping that my lawyer can move up the hearing up to a more recent date, its like a dr jekel and mr hyde instead of the man i married 25 yrs ago, any advice would be great, thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): I am currently going though the same thing, I think it is because hubby dose not really want to let go. Or maybe not ready to. It is very painful for us as they play this out. Mine didn't contact me for two months then suddenly turned up and as usual we had sex. I haven't seen or heard from him in two weeks.I know your pain and I wish we could both be stronger. Mine sometimes comes back to me when he and his nut are fighting, do you think that could be the same for you.
Be strong we are better than this.
A
female
reader, bellasmommy +, writes (30 July 2008):
Girl. he doesnt need anymore chances. He has more than over stayed his welcome. If he is gonna be there for a day, to USE you now, he will continue to do so.. and with that woman calling your house, i would get a restraining order. good luck.. dont take him back, he's not worth your time. Your better than that.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 July 2008):
 You are in a strange position. Since you have an attorney. Corresponsance regarding the divorce or anything pertaining too needs to be done between attorneys. If they feel it's relivant to relay information to you and your husband, let them make that decision. Whenever he brings up the divorce or wants to discuss it, direct him to your attorney. This will assure he's not trying to dig up any dirt or upset you to do something that can be used against you in the divorce proceedings.
This other woman, document all occurances. If they're phone messages save them, and provide a copy to your attorney. I think with her threats a no contact order should be in place between you and her, blocking her from using any method of communication with you.
Your husband is too wishy washy. This back and forth, don't put up with. He's using you and he's using her. I'd stay away from him and make sure your not the one he's using. I can't believe how much of a yoyo he is going from you and her. What is he really trying to accomplish here. This is a very strange individual. I bet the other woman meets him at that level of strange as well.
Take care. I hope all works out for you.
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A
male
reader, davie  +, writes (30 July 2008):
I think he doesn't know what he wants and that really doesn't cut it. His behaviour must be very hurtful to yourself. You very wisely told him if he came back no more running off but he ran off. You are the victim here. Explain the situation to your children and family who he keeps sending messages through. Tell them that you've invited him back into your life, heart and home three times at his plea and every time he leaves. You can only push someone down so many times before they break.
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 July 2008):
 He's more than used up his chances. If he sees her or you hear from her again, just go through with the divorce ... no more appeals, no more delays. And if necessary, talk to your lawyer about filing for protection orders against her or both of them. With that in mind, keep an accurate record of dates, times, and what transpires whenever either of them contacts you. This will come in handy. Oh, and you might want to consider putting a recording device on your telephone just so you have a record of what went on. THIS IS ILLEGAL IN SOME STATES, HOWEVER, SO BE CAREFUL. If it's illegal in your state, it's also a violation of federal law.
You're being jerked around by this guy. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 July 2008):
Your husband is obviously cheating on you and this woman he is with is obviously a nutter.
Why do you keep letting him come back into your life? After the first 3 times didn't you see a pattern?
Talk to your elder kids and explain what is going on from your point of view. He's obviously got them thinking that you are the one stopping him coming back.
Change the locks and cut contact with your hubbie. He's clearly quite messed up at the moment and you really don't want to be dragged down with him.
Good Luck!! xx
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