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My husband has been nasty to me since the birth of our second son! Any advice?

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems, Pregnancy, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Please can anyone give me some advice, i have been with my partner 5 years we have a 2 year old boy and a baby boy of 5 weeks. my partner since the birth of our second son is being nasty to me talks awful to me and shows me no affection at all he sleeps downstairs as well he is in the army and only home on a weekend i look so forward to him coming home but always end up in tears and he does not seem to care i love him so much i dont know what i have done to make him treat me this way i am so unhappy i just dont know what to do we were so happy but know it seems he cant be bothered with me.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIs this guy a "PARTNER" or a "husband"????? My reply is dependent upon the answer to THAT question....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntYou need to talk to him. Maybe find some middle way that can give you BOTH a relaxing week-end.

Do you leave near (or on post)? If so, I'd contact the chaplain and set up an appointment FOR you to talk this through on HOW to best approach your hubby.

There IS something going on with him, whether it's stress at work, financial issues, rumors or even cheating - his behavior is NOT the norm for a brand spanking new daddy.

How are you two doing financially?

Does he come home on Friday evening to a "tossed" house and frazzled wife?

Do you give him an HOUR or so after he gets home to "shift" gears?

What rank is he? Sorry, I'm curious, but it may also be part of his stress.

Why does he only come home on week-ends? Do you guy live FAR from the post/base he is stationed at?

I understand your concern. This can not feel good at all.

HE can post pone the "talk" - but you two REALLY need to sit down and have one. Maybe you can ask a friend of family member to watch the kids so you two can talk this through.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (29 March 2015):

janniepeg agony auntHe is in the army, so the possibilities are he developed PTSD or he feels that he's the one working hard in an uncomfortable environment while you do nothing, just relaxing at home. Coming home should feel like a celebration especially he has a second son. His behavior is not normal. It could be sleep deprivation over there and at home, since your son is probably waking him up at night. Still, that's not an excuse to be verbally abusive. What I would do is stay somewhere else on the weekends, like your parents if that's possible so he could have the whole house himself. Slowly detach and in the mean while you get support from your family so you don't feel so lonely.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2015):

I'm very sad to say this,but : divorce him.

You LOVE him, does he LOVE you? It does not sound like it.

And, you know, you can't FORCE anyone to love you.

Which leads to the obvious question:why stay only to suffer?

Give it a month or two (for hormones to settle), arrange network (family around you) and start proceedings.

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